hello, darlings
i feel myself being sucked into the hedonist lifestyle. i want to go to parties and get crunk and cheer on and laugh with strangers. that's really it, though. it's a strange feeling, regardless. it's not me.
i really like my job. i really really do. mondays i open, wednesdays i close and i work afternoons on weekends. i work hard when robert and mona are there. i kick back and socialize when brian is there. i find a happy medium when michelle's there. the past few days have been like this:
candy-office-wrapping-customer service-candles-furniture-price adjustment-void transaction-lunch-candy-candy-brian's laugh is cutely loud-quick credit-candy-but kind of dumb-candy-candles-stocking-in touch-closing-recovery-sweep-pillows-vases-chargers-transaction-customer service.
i was telling the indifferent dan about how my mom asked me if i felt like a mature adult. i told him that it was hard to answer and that i feel like a fake. he didn't respond. but i do feel this way. the transition between teenager and adult is so rotten. and awkward. i'm supposed to responsible, so mistakes make me feel terrible, but they're always cushioned anyway. what's the deal? is life hard or not? i can't figure this thing out. this thing being life, of course. and money is horrible. i can't save it ever ever ever.
my screen just blacked out. what a creepy thing.
sometimes i think about kissing dan. i think about how we kissed and the physical act of kissing and how . . . amazing it is. and it's only kissing. people really take it for granted and waste it on too many drunken strangers. they say "oh he's a terrible kisser, but oh well". oh well? what do you mean, "oh well"? don't waste kisses. they're too precious. just thinking about everything that went into our kisses gives me the chills. i really liked kissing. such a simple thing to love.
i got the new fiona apple album. i'm still getting used to it, skipping to my current favorites. i love the very last song. i'm crazy about it, actually.
"If you don't have a date
Celebrate
Go out and sit on the lawn
And do nothing
'Cause it's just what you must do
Nobody does it anymore"
yeah, you're right, fiona. i should.
i really like my job. i really really do. mondays i open, wednesdays i close and i work afternoons on weekends. i work hard when robert and mona are there. i kick back and socialize when brian is there. i find a happy medium when michelle's there. the past few days have been like this:
candy-office-wrapping-customer service-candles-furniture-price adjustment-void transaction-lunch-candy-candy-brian's laugh is cutely loud-quick credit-candy-but kind of dumb-candy-candles-stocking-in touch-closing-recovery-sweep-pillows-vases-chargers-transaction-customer service.
i was telling the indifferent dan about how my mom asked me if i felt like a mature adult. i told him that it was hard to answer and that i feel like a fake. he didn't respond. but i do feel this way. the transition between teenager and adult is so rotten. and awkward. i'm supposed to responsible, so mistakes make me feel terrible, but they're always cushioned anyway. what's the deal? is life hard or not? i can't figure this thing out. this thing being life, of course. and money is horrible. i can't save it ever ever ever.
my screen just blacked out. what a creepy thing.
sometimes i think about kissing dan. i think about how we kissed and the physical act of kissing and how . . . amazing it is. and it's only kissing. people really take it for granted and waste it on too many drunken strangers. they say "oh he's a terrible kisser, but oh well". oh well? what do you mean, "oh well"? don't waste kisses. they're too precious. just thinking about everything that went into our kisses gives me the chills. i really liked kissing. such a simple thing to love.
i got the new fiona apple album. i'm still getting used to it, skipping to my current favorites. i love the very last song. i'm crazy about it, actually.
"If you don't have a date
Celebrate
Go out and sit on the lawn
And do nothing
'Cause it's just what you must do
Nobody does it anymore"
yeah, you're right, fiona. i should.