(no subject)
the past few days ive been thinking about everything like crazy. mostly about myself and how i feel about everything thats going on. ive just been thinking about what im like when im by myself. i dont really feel like...anything. for most people, even when youre alone, you dont really feel completely ALONE. for me its different. its really wierd and hard to explain, but i dont know. i guess i just dont really know who i am, so im nervous to be alone.
i sound like a nut job.
ive also been thinking about the last week, and how crappy it was. ryan came from california and a lot of shit went down. we no longer have eachother in our lives and its a really sucky feeling. he was one person that i always counted on, could talk to about anything. i held him so high, and love him so much. he said some stuff that really hit me hard though. he isnt the person i thought he would be, but i guess it was the situation he was in. either way, i cant have that kind of shit in my life anymore. ive been through a lot of crazy friendships and ive found the ones that i can really say i will have in my life forever and thats all that matters to me right now.
right now im in puyallup at my dads house eating a frozen asian dinner, and im not having a good time at all. i dont feel like im apart of his life anymore at all. whatever, maybe im wrong.
i have no idea why im complaining so much. it could be a lot worse.
i know i have a great life, and im very greatful for that.
i just need to keep my chin up.