freaked out
so today i've been watching this documentary on eating disorders and it scared the crap out of me.
not really because of what those girls are doing to themselves, because i've done it, and still do it to myself, so i can't judge them. even the fact that they weigh so little didn't freak me out that bad. i don't want to be like that, and i don't want to have to go into treatment or anything, but that wasn't the part that scared me.
they have this thing called "family counseling" where the parents or loved ones of the girls come in and they all have therapy together. sounds a little like a nightmare, having to talk about my ed in front of my family, but anyway. this one girl's dad was in there, and he was talking about how helpless it made him feel that his daughter was hurting and he couldn't do anything about it.
so i immediately thought of my daughter. i'm petrified that one day she'll end up like me. i can't even think about it. i would do ANTHING to prevent her from developing an ed. anything. i'm so scared that she's going to inherit it from me or something. there was another girl in the treatment center whose mother had an eating disorder. it scared the pants off me. i can't have that happen to my little girl!
i want her to be NORMAL. not like this. if something happened to her, i would feel eternally responsible. but what can i do? nothing. because i don't even know what caused me to end up this way, really. i can attribute it to many things, but nothing really caused it to happen. it just did. so i don't even know how to prevent her from ever feeling this way. and it terrifies me.
not really because of what those girls are doing to themselves, because i've done it, and still do it to myself, so i can't judge them. even the fact that they weigh so little didn't freak me out that bad. i don't want to be like that, and i don't want to have to go into treatment or anything, but that wasn't the part that scared me.
they have this thing called "family counseling" where the parents or loved ones of the girls come in and they all have therapy together. sounds a little like a nightmare, having to talk about my ed in front of my family, but anyway. this one girl's dad was in there, and he was talking about how helpless it made him feel that his daughter was hurting and he couldn't do anything about it.
so i immediately thought of my daughter. i'm petrified that one day she'll end up like me. i can't even think about it. i would do ANTHING to prevent her from developing an ed. anything. i'm so scared that she's going to inherit it from me or something. there was another girl in the treatment center whose mother had an eating disorder. it scared the pants off me. i can't have that happen to my little girl!
i want her to be NORMAL. not like this. if something happened to her, i would feel eternally responsible. but what can i do? nothing. because i don't even know what caused me to end up this way, really. i can attribute it to many things, but nothing really caused it to happen. it just did. so i don't even know how to prevent her from ever feeling this way. and it terrifies me.