everything will change, but love remains the same
How I spent my summer vacation. The very cliched favorite topic of back-to-school essays for teachers everywhere, particularly the elementary years. I certainly had a teacher or six who patronized this overdone yet beloved subject. I never felt like I had anything terribly exciting to say. I'd spend the last week before school started fantasizing about all the foreign places I'd visited, mountains I'd climbed or daring adventures I'd been on and wondering if I had the gall to try and hand these tales in as fact. I never did. I had to be content with my drab accounts of afternoons spent by the pool, or a few days spent at a drama camp, or all the icky chores my mother made me do. I had quite the fantasies of adventure back then and a fair number of exciting experiences since, but none of it compares to My Summer Vacation, 2008.
The word "my" is inappropriate. This was a summer that became all about "our." Many people mark the beginning of the summer season with Memorial Day, depending how the weather treats them. A day off from work spent by the barbecue with some friends and family, some burgers, hot dogs. Maybe a few beers. I woke up the way I'd fallen asleep the night before, to the sound of waves drifting through the window with gentle breeze, next to the man I knew I was going to spend the next of my life with. Pregnancy making sleep very difficult these days, I'd awoken much earlier than him so I crept silently out the sliding door a few feet from our bed. The cool sands of the Mexican beach soothed my swollen feet so I sat down on the spot and watched the morning unfold over the ocean. We'd driven down the day before on a whim that wasn't really a whim. After much debate, we decided to abandon any and all pretenses that a wedding of any sort was more important to us than just being together. This was something we wanted to do, just ourselves. Location options limited, me being too fat (pregnant) to fly, we (he) packed a couple suitcases and we hit the road down to Mexico without telling a soul. Somewhere along the way we decided to keep it just between us, at least for the time being, a romantic little secret all our own. I knew of a beautiful little resort; a few phone calls later and the next day we're exchanging the vows that mean forever. I was marrying the man I knew I was meant to be with from the very first moment I met him, and that's all I'm going to share with you of this moment that's still private.
It was day that could not be topped, yet one that could came less than two weeks later. There has never been a day that so completely, drastically, utterly and fundamentally changed my life. Marriage was a celebration and cementing of something that was already there anyway. The day I found out I was pregnant, I knew I still had several more months to adjust. The day Honor arrived my whole world turned upside down, only now it felt as if everything was finally right side up. I spent the first day marvelling at the mystical power of nature that allows you to create something so precious and beautiful out of nothing. A miniature person with miniature hands and miniature feet and not-so-miniature eyes that seem to do nothing but wonder at her brand new world. I couldn't wait to take her home and build a new life with this dynamic of three.
And since then, that's what my life has been about. I've begun to get back into a few career-related things, but every moment during, I'm just thinking about her. Every minute that I can, I spend it with her. I live for the little gurgles and coos that she makes, the way she'll lift up her head to look at me while she's lying on my stomach, the intense look of concentration that grips her face when she's examining a new toy. Some nights, Chris and I let her sleep between us. It's usually the nights that I wake up from a nightmare, terrified that something's happened to her. Or when I wake up fearing this past year has only been a dream, that none of it actually happened. I race to the nursery and gently lift her out of the crib, her body warmth a reassurance that everything is real, that she's safe with me. I bring her back to my room and as I climb into the bed with her, he stirs and wraps an arm around the two of us. I watch them both as I drift back into sleep, reflecting on all the changes the last year has brought and smiling with the knowledge that this is only the beginning.
envision brackets. okay so i thought i was going to finish this on speak like a pirate day, and i think it conveys the message. i wanted to write one last post, but it's time for me to hightail it out of here. this has been coming for a while which you may or may not have been able to tell, and now i need to conquer my massive procrastination and bite the bullet. i'm not going to go into the reasons but basically it's just time to move on and after three and a half years it took a little getting used to. and after three and a half years, i've encounted a fair number of pretty amazing people. all the way back to my beginning days with eminem, gisele and that rascal brandon flowers to today's other two-thirds of my whole, chris and meester, and everyone in between. i sense i'm about to embark on that laundry list of shout-outs that everyone hates but secretly loves and i just know i'm going to leave at least three important people out by accident, so please don't be offended :( meester, you know what you mean to me and how i'd absolutely die without you or throw myself off a cliff and i could really be here for hours so i'll stop now, dane, you are fabulous and hilarious and there is so much i could not have done without you, sufi you are one of my absolute favorites and i don't have words for how amazing you are, maggie you are one of the sweetest people i've ever encountered and if i never met you i'd sure be a sorry person for it, my NBFAEAEAE chace, that ho underwood, jake, skiba, foxy lady timberlake, kcav, marsden, franco, katy purry and her hoohaws, jason eyebrows, cuthbert, shia, matthew purry, penn, kbell, elizabeth banks, ellen and her baby advice, any and all of the isketch crew, including susan and sock. mcadams for your strange honey love and usher and ambrosio for our parallel fake lives. and all the people who i only ever commented to but really loved reading what you wrote, and all of the people who i never commented because i was too scared, but still enjoyed immensely. god i hate lists like that but after such a long time i couldn't just not. out of all my time here i'd say i enjoyed the past year the most, with the baby and the person without whom i honestly would have peaced out long, long ago. so thank you for that and for all of the good times that we shared. my bee nights would have been much more miserable, and this just really isn't the same without you. i always said i'd delete if jessica ever got knocked up but it turned out to be my favorite part of her life to play. she seems really happy now and i'm happy for her and still remain one of her biggest fans even if she has a tendency to say some "questionable" things sometimes. and on that note, i would like to choose my replacement. email me at albatrosskrisskross@yahoo.com if you're interested. i'll start removing people soon. i'm not currently anywhere else and i'd like to think this is finally my ticket out of here for good, but who knows how long that will last. and if you'd like to keep in touch in some sort of cosmic way, comments are screened. you stay classy, san diego.
ps. i can't neglect to mention riding off into the sunset on an evil goat with max minghella and brian fellows.
The word "my" is inappropriate. This was a summer that became all about "our." Many people mark the beginning of the summer season with Memorial Day, depending how the weather treats them. A day off from work spent by the barbecue with some friends and family, some burgers, hot dogs. Maybe a few beers. I woke up the way I'd fallen asleep the night before, to the sound of waves drifting through the window with gentle breeze, next to the man I knew I was going to spend the next of my life with. Pregnancy making sleep very difficult these days, I'd awoken much earlier than him so I crept silently out the sliding door a few feet from our bed. The cool sands of the Mexican beach soothed my swollen feet so I sat down on the spot and watched the morning unfold over the ocean. We'd driven down the day before on a whim that wasn't really a whim. After much debate, we decided to abandon any and all pretenses that a wedding of any sort was more important to us than just being together. This was something we wanted to do, just ourselves. Location options limited, me being too fat (pregnant) to fly, we (he) packed a couple suitcases and we hit the road down to Mexico without telling a soul. Somewhere along the way we decided to keep it just between us, at least for the time being, a romantic little secret all our own. I knew of a beautiful little resort; a few phone calls later and the next day we're exchanging the vows that mean forever. I was marrying the man I knew I was meant to be with from the very first moment I met him, and that's all I'm going to share with you of this moment that's still private.
It was day that could not be topped, yet one that could came less than two weeks later. There has never been a day that so completely, drastically, utterly and fundamentally changed my life. Marriage was a celebration and cementing of something that was already there anyway. The day I found out I was pregnant, I knew I still had several more months to adjust. The day Honor arrived my whole world turned upside down, only now it felt as if everything was finally right side up. I spent the first day marvelling at the mystical power of nature that allows you to create something so precious and beautiful out of nothing. A miniature person with miniature hands and miniature feet and not-so-miniature eyes that seem to do nothing but wonder at her brand new world. I couldn't wait to take her home and build a new life with this dynamic of three.
And since then, that's what my life has been about. I've begun to get back into a few career-related things, but every moment during, I'm just thinking about her. Every minute that I can, I spend it with her. I live for the little gurgles and coos that she makes, the way she'll lift up her head to look at me while she's lying on my stomach, the intense look of concentration that grips her face when she's examining a new toy. Some nights, Chris and I let her sleep between us. It's usually the nights that I wake up from a nightmare, terrified that something's happened to her. Or when I wake up fearing this past year has only been a dream, that none of it actually happened. I race to the nursery and gently lift her out of the crib, her body warmth a reassurance that everything is real, that she's safe with me. I bring her back to my room and as I climb into the bed with her, he stirs and wraps an arm around the two of us. I watch them both as I drift back into sleep, reflecting on all the changes the last year has brought and smiling with the knowledge that this is only the beginning.
envision brackets. okay so i thought i was going to finish this on speak like a pirate day, and i think it conveys the message. i wanted to write one last post, but it's time for me to hightail it out of here. this has been coming for a while which you may or may not have been able to tell, and now i need to conquer my massive procrastination and bite the bullet. i'm not going to go into the reasons but basically it's just time to move on and after three and a half years it took a little getting used to. and after three and a half years, i've encounted a fair number of pretty amazing people. all the way back to my beginning days with eminem, gisele and that rascal brandon flowers to today's other two-thirds of my whole, chris and meester, and everyone in between. i sense i'm about to embark on that laundry list of shout-outs that everyone hates but secretly loves and i just know i'm going to leave at least three important people out by accident, so please don't be offended :( meester, you know what you mean to me and how i'd absolutely die without you or throw myself off a cliff and i could really be here for hours so i'll stop now, dane, you are fabulous and hilarious and there is so much i could not have done without you, sufi you are one of my absolute favorites and i don't have words for how amazing you are, maggie you are one of the sweetest people i've ever encountered and if i never met you i'd sure be a sorry person for it, my NBFAEAEAE chace, that ho underwood, jake, skiba, foxy lady timberlake, kcav, marsden, franco, katy purry and her hoohaws, jason eyebrows, cuthbert, shia, matthew purry, penn, kbell, elizabeth banks, ellen and her baby advice, any and all of the isketch crew, including susan and sock. mcadams for your strange honey love and usher and ambrosio for our parallel fake lives. and all the people who i only ever commented to but really loved reading what you wrote, and all of the people who i never commented because i was too scared, but still enjoyed immensely. god i hate lists like that but after such a long time i couldn't just not. out of all my time here i'd say i enjoyed the past year the most, with the baby and the person without whom i honestly would have peaced out long, long ago. so thank you for that and for all of the good times that we shared. my bee nights would have been much more miserable, and this just really isn't the same without you. i always said i'd delete if jessica ever got knocked up but it turned out to be my favorite part of her life to play. she seems really happy now and i'm happy for her and still remain one of her biggest fans even if she has a tendency to say some "questionable" things sometimes. and on that note, i would like to choose my replacement. email me at albatrosskrisskross@yahoo.com if you're interested. i'll start removing people soon. i'm not currently anywhere else and i'd like to think this is finally my ticket out of here for good, but who knows how long that will last. and if you'd like to keep in touch in some sort of cosmic way, comments are screened. you stay classy, san diego.
ps. i can't neglect to mention riding off into the sunset on an evil goat with max minghella and brian fellows.