(no subject)
I've been hesitant about updating and explaining how my last Search weekend went. But I can't put it into words. All I know is that I am sad. I was kind of expecting to be rushed with all these emotions of moving on from high school around graduation time, but it crept up on me in a big way. It's not that I don't want to grow up. In so many ways I do. But in so many other ways, I don't. I don't feel like I have my feel planted on the ground when it comes to a few things. Like, yes, I know where I'm going to college and I'm very pleased with my decision. But, this week, more than ever, I've been all over the place as far as emotions go. I kind of wasn't expecting to feel this way now. I was hoping it would all hold off until May rolls around but I guess not. That's just the way the cookie crumbles.
Am I a bad person because I feel like I have this "need" factor? Do I really ask stupid questions to things I already know the answer to? I feel like no matter what the outcome is, I can't be without this one person. Last night was crazy. I've never been so personally frightened in my life. Just to have felt that it could all end in the matter of one phone conversation set everything in perspective for me. I need to chill out and trust him. I need to trust us and what we have. I don't need to be insecure. There's just no reason to be...so what's my problem?
Tomorrow everything will be better. I just know it will be. Even if something happens that I would usually feel annoyed or upset about, I will feel 100% better than I have in the last 24 hours. WE will feel better than we have in the last 24 hours. I can't wait.
Am I a bad person because I feel like I have this "need" factor? Do I really ask stupid questions to things I already know the answer to? I feel like no matter what the outcome is, I can't be without this one person. Last night was crazy. I've never been so personally frightened in my life. Just to have felt that it could all end in the matter of one phone conversation set everything in perspective for me. I need to chill out and trust him. I need to trust us and what we have. I don't need to be insecure. There's just no reason to be...so what's my problem?
Tomorrow everything will be better. I just know it will be. Even if something happens that I would usually feel annoyed or upset about, I will feel 100% better than I have in the last 24 hours. WE will feel better than we have in the last 24 hours. I can't wait.