not sure what I want to say...
I don't know why but I just had an overwhelming urge to blog. I'm not even sure what it is that I want to write but I feel that something must be written...
I just glanced at the clock and, as it is now after midnight, today is the two year anniversary of my grandmother's death. Two whole years. Damn, time flies. In the last three and a half years I have had the misfortune of losing 4 people I loved. Instead of getting easier to live with, I have found that I miss them all more and more everyday. Instead of feeling better, the pain is getting worse. Is that normal? I think of my grandparents and my Auntie Chrissy every single day. Sometimes its just a passing thought but sometimes I think of something that instantly moves me to tears. The most raw wound is the hole in the world that was left by the passing of Sean Fisher. He was amazing and I am glad that I got to know him while he was here. I see kids all the time that look like him and for a split second my brain convinces me that its him standing there but then I realize how ridiculous that is. Death is the most natural part of life so why is it so hard to deal with and get over? Is it harder to deal with when the people weve lost have left behind so many good things? Is my pain getting worse because of all the wonderful memories I have of those I've known and lost? If that's the case then I'll deal with it becasue I wouldn't trade my memories for all the money in the world.
Once again, I find myself waiting and biding my time before making a transition. Two years ago, after losing both of my grandparents I made huge changes and had changes thrust upon me. And now after all this time and all these changes I know I am in the right place in the world. I am thankful for everything that has happened - the good, the bad, and the ugly - because it has made me who I am and prepared me for the next series of changes I plan to make.
I am leaving for England on January 29th. I am going to spend a semester abroad with the best friend I have ever had because of the events of the last two years. I get to pick up and go with my best friend to England and travel around Europe and embark on the greatest adventure of my life. How fucking lucky can you get? After that I once again get to pick up and move with my best friend so that we can both get Masters degrees in the fields we love.
So many things have become apparent to me in the last 3 years. Everything happens for a reason and in its own time. People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
There is nothing in the world more true than these two statements. Every single choice of every single day takes me down a path toward the place I know I want to be. How many people in the world truly believe that? How many people in the world are lucky enough to be able to chase their dreams with their best friends and families (the ones you're born to and the ones you create for yourself) who love them? I am one of those people, how fucking cool is that?
So, you know, keep your eyes open cuz there may be future updates about my awesome exploits across the pond.
I just glanced at the clock and, as it is now after midnight, today is the two year anniversary of my grandmother's death. Two whole years. Damn, time flies. In the last three and a half years I have had the misfortune of losing 4 people I loved. Instead of getting easier to live with, I have found that I miss them all more and more everyday. Instead of feeling better, the pain is getting worse. Is that normal? I think of my grandparents and my Auntie Chrissy every single day. Sometimes its just a passing thought but sometimes I think of something that instantly moves me to tears. The most raw wound is the hole in the world that was left by the passing of Sean Fisher. He was amazing and I am glad that I got to know him while he was here. I see kids all the time that look like him and for a split second my brain convinces me that its him standing there but then I realize how ridiculous that is. Death is the most natural part of life so why is it so hard to deal with and get over? Is it harder to deal with when the people weve lost have left behind so many good things? Is my pain getting worse because of all the wonderful memories I have of those I've known and lost? If that's the case then I'll deal with it becasue I wouldn't trade my memories for all the money in the world.
Once again, I find myself waiting and biding my time before making a transition. Two years ago, after losing both of my grandparents I made huge changes and had changes thrust upon me. And now after all this time and all these changes I know I am in the right place in the world. I am thankful for everything that has happened - the good, the bad, and the ugly - because it has made me who I am and prepared me for the next series of changes I plan to make.
I am leaving for England on January 29th. I am going to spend a semester abroad with the best friend I have ever had because of the events of the last two years. I get to pick up and go with my best friend to England and travel around Europe and embark on the greatest adventure of my life. How fucking lucky can you get? After that I once again get to pick up and move with my best friend so that we can both get Masters degrees in the fields we love.
So many things have become apparent to me in the last 3 years. Everything happens for a reason and in its own time. People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
There is nothing in the world more true than these two statements. Every single choice of every single day takes me down a path toward the place I know I want to be. How many people in the world truly believe that? How many people in the world are lucky enough to be able to chase their dreams with their best friends and families (the ones you're born to and the ones you create for yourself) who love them? I am one of those people, how fucking cool is that?
So, you know, keep your eyes open cuz there may be future updates about my awesome exploits across the pond.