.:Nearing the end...:.
Wow, as we near the end of 2006, I can't help but reflect on what an amazing year this has been, and how its managed to go by so quickly. So much has happened, and I feel amiss for not taking the time to better document it, so I guess thats what brings me here this evening.
Seth and I got married on September 9th, it was absolutely amazing, and I couldn't have dreamed of a more perfect day. I was laid off at work about a month before the wedding, which happened to work out perfectly, because it gave me time to do all of the little last minute things that I wanted to get done, without stressing about working it into my schedule with work and everything else going on. I was in a position where i didnt have to go back to work immediately, so I think it was meant to be.
My job. I was working for a new company as of september of the previous year. I was recruited by my former ceo at MIT Financial to come work for him at this new business. I liked some of the people, and was glad for the shorter commute, but all in all it was just bad business. I told my mom that it was a blessing in disguise, because had I not had to leave, I probably would still be there, in the same redundant routine, hating my days because i worked with dishonest people, who cared more about the commissions in their pockets than the food they were taking off someone's table to get it. I learned a lot about character and the importance it plays in someone being the kind of person I want to spend 8 hours a day with.
On October 9th, Seth's birthday and our 1 month anniversary, I started my new job as a Financial Coordinator for Dental Select. I hadn't really been putting a lot of effort into finding a job, but when this offer came through, it just seemed like the right place for me to be, and I now know that it was meant to be. I love my coworkers and my job very much. I have great benefits, of which I didn't know the importance until earlier this month.
Seth has been on an individual health care plan for the last year and a half or so. Basically he paid about $160/month for insurance that would really only be useful if something catastrophic happened to him. He had a $5000 deductible, which is something he NEVER met, as he only went to see a doctor when he had a bad flu bug, or his back was bugging him, so his plan was pretty much worthless. Under most circumstances, Dental Select only does temp to hire, which is a 90 day review period before they offer you a job as a Dental Select employee. For some reason, I was allowed to be an exception, and they let me decide whether i would like to do temp to hire, or just come on as an employee. With the termination of my old job, so was my insurance coverage there, and so I decided to start off as a DS employee, so that I (and Seth) would be eligible for benefits the 1st of December. If you hadn't noticed, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and here's another vote of confidence for my argument.
On December 6th, Seth woke up with blurred vision in his left eye. He said it seemed like when you first wake up and have sleep in your eye, and you can't see clearly. He didn't think much of it, and we went on with our week as usual. By that Saturday, as we were out Christmas shopping, it was enough of a nuisance that it was starting to worry him. Seth has had issues with his eyes for many years. He has double astigmatisms in both eyes, so he isn't a candidate for lasik surgery, as well as a disease called cariticonas. This isn't anything degenerative, and so he didn't have cause to worry at this point. I call his eye doctors office on saturday and make an appointment for him to see him Monday morning. Seth goes to his appointment. There isn't anything on his eye, nor is there anything unusual that they can see at this point. Dr. Tanner calls the Eye Institute of Utah and makes an appointment for Seth to see Dr. Wooldridge within the hour after his appt with Dr. Tanner. Dr. Tanner tells Seth that because there is nothing he can see wrong with his eye, all they can do at this point is try to diagnose by exclusion, but 99 times out of 100, the diagnosis is Optic Neuritis, which can be one of the first physical presentations of Multiple Sclerosis.
Seth is scared to death, and calls me at work from the parking lot at Dr. Tanners office. He's terrified, crying, not knowing what the hell is going on, and when you're told this could be an early indication of MS, your brain tends to run away with thoughts of worst case scenarios. I leave work, tell him I'll meet him at the house and I'll go with him to Dr. Wooldridge's office. Ten minutes later i walk through the door at the house to find him in what may have been one of the weakest moments I've ever seen him in. Dr. Wooldridge comes to the same conclusion after running a marathon of tests on him. He orders a blood panel and an MRI and wants us back in his office in two days. Western Neurological won't even put you on the books for an MRI before they get a preauthorization from your insurance company. We went the rounds trying to get all of the documentation faxed from here to there to who knows where, and finally, the authorization came through, and we were able to get the MRI scheduled for Wednesday the 13th of december. They had ordered full brain and orbits with and without contrast to rule out demeylinating disease. $1800, one injection and 40 minutes later, we were on our way to pick up some Thai food, and then home to relax and hope for the best. In these three days I was learning more medical garble than I had ever had a desire to know before, but being in and out of specialists offices for a week kind of tends to burn it into your brain.
Thursday the 14th. Appointment with Dr. Wooldridge to go over results of the blood panel and MRI. I left work early that day and we showed up to meet the Dr. at 1:30pm. The intern did a couple more tests on his eye, and it seemed as though the vision was actually a little better. This lifted my spirits and gave me hope that this wasn't going to turn out as badly as I was preparing myself for. Wooldridge comes in, professional as ever, shakes our hands, asks how we're doing, and then delivers the news we absolutely didn't want to hear. He politely told us that the MRI revealed some "hot spots" on Seth's brain, one of them being directly on his optic nerve. It was causing major inflammation to the nerve, causing loss of vision in portions of that eye, and extreme tenderness to even look sideways without turning his head.
I know now that Wooldridge was trying to be, i guess polite in delivering what can be such a devastating blow to a patient. It didn't spare us any heartache in the long run. He kind of danced around the details of the diagnosis. Wooldridge said that typically the only way to 100% confirm that it was MS was to do a spinal tap, leaving some hope alive that there was still a chance that it was perhaps a vitamin B deficiency, or even a viral infection. Blood tests came back with no such results. The lesions are in places that MS typically presents itself, and the disease can be clinically diagnosed not with a spinal tap, but with one episode (loss of vision), and two separate lesions presenting on the brain. Seth, has thirteen presentations, or "hot spots" if you want to continue dancing around the subject.
Dr. Wooldridge told us that our best course of action was to go see Dr. Foley, who is the director of the Rocky Mountain Neuroligical Institute at LDS hospital. Wooldridge called his office for us to get us an appointment, and was told that Dr. Foley couldn't see a new patient until January 24th. Wooldridge threw the "the hell it is!" card, and told the receptionist to get Dr. Foley on the phone, or he would hold until he was available. He told him about Seth, the reportings of the MRI, and they got us scheduled to meet with Dr. Foley for the following thursday. Foley told Wooldridge that he wanted Seth up at his infusion clinic in a couple of hours so that he could be started on an intravenous steroid treatment which should help his vision come back if it's going to, and slow progression of the disease and further episodes. We walked out of the Eye Institute, both just speechless. Life as we knew it was perfect, our life together has been flawless, and such an unexpected and life changing blow was devastating. I had told myself from the first meeting with Wooldridge that I should hope for the best, but expect the worst, and most importantly stay strong for Seth. We walked out to get in the truck and I broke down. I needed a minute to cry, and be so upset that this was happening to him, and then I would be fine. Right?
I wanted so badly to be strong for him in that horrible moment, and he could tell that I was struggling to keep it all in. Out of nowhere and with tears in his eyes he said "babe, if you need to cry, you can". He told me that he had a rough morning, spent most of it scared to death, and found himself in an extreme moment of weakness and tears in the shower. He said he was trying to prepare himself by expecting the news we had just gotten, but had been praying that no matter what it was that we found out that day, that he could handle any news as long as it meant that he wouldn't ever be too weak to take care of his family. He absolutely amazes me. This diagnosis meant that he knew he would be facing so many struggles in the future. Physical, emotional and mental struggles, but all he cared about was being strong enough to take care of me and our future family.
We were at the infusion clinic about an hour and a half later. Neither of us are good with needles, but here we were. Iv in one of his hands, sucking on jolly ranchers for the next three hours to keep the metallic taste from the treatment as masked as he could. The treatments are 1100 mg each, and absolutely wipe him out. On top of fatigue, it also induces flu like symptoms, insomnia, and rapidly fluctuating body temperature. I prepared for a long night, rented some videos, and called in Chili's to go because a Peppercorn burger was the only thing that sounded good to him at the time. Round two was about 14 hours away. I messaged my supervisor and now great friend Birgit, and told her what was going on. Dental Select has become like family to me. The overwhelming support from them has kept me going. Birgit told me to please take the next day (Friday) off and be with Seth for support and his next treatment. I have been there about two months and have no sick or vacation time accrued, but she says not to worry, that I will be paid for my time I miss.
The next morning the nausea sets in, and we aren't able to make his 10am appt for the next infusion. Martha tells us to come in later if he is feeling better, and not wanting to risk his long term health, we get there around 2pm that afternoon. Round two takes a little longer, and he's feeling even worse that night than the night before. The fatigue and other symptoms are lasting, and barely subsiding by the time we meet with Dr. Foley the following Thursday. Because the only change in his vision has been negative, Dr. Foley tells us that they want to do two more infusions, that day and the next to see if that helps. That means not feeling so well over Christmas, but there are no other options. Not wanting to neglect my job or responsibilities, I've been working 12 hour days to make up for time I was taking off to go with him to doctor's appointments. It finally got the best of me, and I came down with a wicked cold on Christmas Day. I'm fighting it, and its fighting back, but its miniscule in comparison to what Seth was feeling, so I definitely can't complain.
The reality of all of this has had time to settle, and although it still doesn't seem fair, everything happens for a reason. I still believe that. I didn't want to when we were in the midst of this, but it doesn't do anyone any good to look at life in any other way than optimistic. We've decided to be our own advocates, we're learning everything we can about this, and going to use it as an opportunity to help not only ourselves, but others as well. I've always wanted to be in "better shape". Who doesn't? This is my reason for MAKING that happen now. Our diet has changed already, and you can bet your ass I'll be running every MS 5k, 10k, and marathon I possibly can. People are living with this disease everyday, and I feel horrible that it only became important enough for me to help support this cause and the research because its happening to someone I love. Thats horrible! I need a passion, and know that I should have had one long before now, I just didn't realize it. Seth and I have already determined that this disease, and dealing with it on a day to day basis is only going to make us stronger and closer. I think life-changing situations can cause just the opposite to happen if you don't already know or determine that you're not going to allow them affect you and everything you hold dear negatively. I've felt a surge of empowerment, and I have to do something with that. I want to do something with that. The news of all of this afforded me at least one emotional breakdown a day until this week, but I'm allowed that if i can use it as motivation to make a difference to someone. I'm going to make a difference. Seth inspires me. I love him with every breath I take, and I will do ANYTHING for him.
Seth and I got married on September 9th, it was absolutely amazing, and I couldn't have dreamed of a more perfect day. I was laid off at work about a month before the wedding, which happened to work out perfectly, because it gave me time to do all of the little last minute things that I wanted to get done, without stressing about working it into my schedule with work and everything else going on. I was in a position where i didnt have to go back to work immediately, so I think it was meant to be.
My job. I was working for a new company as of september of the previous year. I was recruited by my former ceo at MIT Financial to come work for him at this new business. I liked some of the people, and was glad for the shorter commute, but all in all it was just bad business. I told my mom that it was a blessing in disguise, because had I not had to leave, I probably would still be there, in the same redundant routine, hating my days because i worked with dishonest people, who cared more about the commissions in their pockets than the food they were taking off someone's table to get it. I learned a lot about character and the importance it plays in someone being the kind of person I want to spend 8 hours a day with.
On October 9th, Seth's birthday and our 1 month anniversary, I started my new job as a Financial Coordinator for Dental Select. I hadn't really been putting a lot of effort into finding a job, but when this offer came through, it just seemed like the right place for me to be, and I now know that it was meant to be. I love my coworkers and my job very much. I have great benefits, of which I didn't know the importance until earlier this month.
Seth has been on an individual health care plan for the last year and a half or so. Basically he paid about $160/month for insurance that would really only be useful if something catastrophic happened to him. He had a $5000 deductible, which is something he NEVER met, as he only went to see a doctor when he had a bad flu bug, or his back was bugging him, so his plan was pretty much worthless. Under most circumstances, Dental Select only does temp to hire, which is a 90 day review period before they offer you a job as a Dental Select employee. For some reason, I was allowed to be an exception, and they let me decide whether i would like to do temp to hire, or just come on as an employee. With the termination of my old job, so was my insurance coverage there, and so I decided to start off as a DS employee, so that I (and Seth) would be eligible for benefits the 1st of December. If you hadn't noticed, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, and here's another vote of confidence for my argument.
On December 6th, Seth woke up with blurred vision in his left eye. He said it seemed like when you first wake up and have sleep in your eye, and you can't see clearly. He didn't think much of it, and we went on with our week as usual. By that Saturday, as we were out Christmas shopping, it was enough of a nuisance that it was starting to worry him. Seth has had issues with his eyes for many years. He has double astigmatisms in both eyes, so he isn't a candidate for lasik surgery, as well as a disease called cariticonas. This isn't anything degenerative, and so he didn't have cause to worry at this point. I call his eye doctors office on saturday and make an appointment for him to see him Monday morning. Seth goes to his appointment. There isn't anything on his eye, nor is there anything unusual that they can see at this point. Dr. Tanner calls the Eye Institute of Utah and makes an appointment for Seth to see Dr. Wooldridge within the hour after his appt with Dr. Tanner. Dr. Tanner tells Seth that because there is nothing he can see wrong with his eye, all they can do at this point is try to diagnose by exclusion, but 99 times out of 100, the diagnosis is Optic Neuritis, which can be one of the first physical presentations of Multiple Sclerosis.
Seth is scared to death, and calls me at work from the parking lot at Dr. Tanners office. He's terrified, crying, not knowing what the hell is going on, and when you're told this could be an early indication of MS, your brain tends to run away with thoughts of worst case scenarios. I leave work, tell him I'll meet him at the house and I'll go with him to Dr. Wooldridge's office. Ten minutes later i walk through the door at the house to find him in what may have been one of the weakest moments I've ever seen him in. Dr. Wooldridge comes to the same conclusion after running a marathon of tests on him. He orders a blood panel and an MRI and wants us back in his office in two days. Western Neurological won't even put you on the books for an MRI before they get a preauthorization from your insurance company. We went the rounds trying to get all of the documentation faxed from here to there to who knows where, and finally, the authorization came through, and we were able to get the MRI scheduled for Wednesday the 13th of december. They had ordered full brain and orbits with and without contrast to rule out demeylinating disease. $1800, one injection and 40 minutes later, we were on our way to pick up some Thai food, and then home to relax and hope for the best. In these three days I was learning more medical garble than I had ever had a desire to know before, but being in and out of specialists offices for a week kind of tends to burn it into your brain.
Thursday the 14th. Appointment with Dr. Wooldridge to go over results of the blood panel and MRI. I left work early that day and we showed up to meet the Dr. at 1:30pm. The intern did a couple more tests on his eye, and it seemed as though the vision was actually a little better. This lifted my spirits and gave me hope that this wasn't going to turn out as badly as I was preparing myself for. Wooldridge comes in, professional as ever, shakes our hands, asks how we're doing, and then delivers the news we absolutely didn't want to hear. He politely told us that the MRI revealed some "hot spots" on Seth's brain, one of them being directly on his optic nerve. It was causing major inflammation to the nerve, causing loss of vision in portions of that eye, and extreme tenderness to even look sideways without turning his head.
I know now that Wooldridge was trying to be, i guess polite in delivering what can be such a devastating blow to a patient. It didn't spare us any heartache in the long run. He kind of danced around the details of the diagnosis. Wooldridge said that typically the only way to 100% confirm that it was MS was to do a spinal tap, leaving some hope alive that there was still a chance that it was perhaps a vitamin B deficiency, or even a viral infection. Blood tests came back with no such results. The lesions are in places that MS typically presents itself, and the disease can be clinically diagnosed not with a spinal tap, but with one episode (loss of vision), and two separate lesions presenting on the brain. Seth, has thirteen presentations, or "hot spots" if you want to continue dancing around the subject.
Dr. Wooldridge told us that our best course of action was to go see Dr. Foley, who is the director of the Rocky Mountain Neuroligical Institute at LDS hospital. Wooldridge called his office for us to get us an appointment, and was told that Dr. Foley couldn't see a new patient until January 24th. Wooldridge threw the "the hell it is!" card, and told the receptionist to get Dr. Foley on the phone, or he would hold until he was available. He told him about Seth, the reportings of the MRI, and they got us scheduled to meet with Dr. Foley for the following thursday. Foley told Wooldridge that he wanted Seth up at his infusion clinic in a couple of hours so that he could be started on an intravenous steroid treatment which should help his vision come back if it's going to, and slow progression of the disease and further episodes. We walked out of the Eye Institute, both just speechless. Life as we knew it was perfect, our life together has been flawless, and such an unexpected and life changing blow was devastating. I had told myself from the first meeting with Wooldridge that I should hope for the best, but expect the worst, and most importantly stay strong for Seth. We walked out to get in the truck and I broke down. I needed a minute to cry, and be so upset that this was happening to him, and then I would be fine. Right?
I wanted so badly to be strong for him in that horrible moment, and he could tell that I was struggling to keep it all in. Out of nowhere and with tears in his eyes he said "babe, if you need to cry, you can". He told me that he had a rough morning, spent most of it scared to death, and found himself in an extreme moment of weakness and tears in the shower. He said he was trying to prepare himself by expecting the news we had just gotten, but had been praying that no matter what it was that we found out that day, that he could handle any news as long as it meant that he wouldn't ever be too weak to take care of his family. He absolutely amazes me. This diagnosis meant that he knew he would be facing so many struggles in the future. Physical, emotional and mental struggles, but all he cared about was being strong enough to take care of me and our future family.
We were at the infusion clinic about an hour and a half later. Neither of us are good with needles, but here we were. Iv in one of his hands, sucking on jolly ranchers for the next three hours to keep the metallic taste from the treatment as masked as he could. The treatments are 1100 mg each, and absolutely wipe him out. On top of fatigue, it also induces flu like symptoms, insomnia, and rapidly fluctuating body temperature. I prepared for a long night, rented some videos, and called in Chili's to go because a Peppercorn burger was the only thing that sounded good to him at the time. Round two was about 14 hours away. I messaged my supervisor and now great friend Birgit, and told her what was going on. Dental Select has become like family to me. The overwhelming support from them has kept me going. Birgit told me to please take the next day (Friday) off and be with Seth for support and his next treatment. I have been there about two months and have no sick or vacation time accrued, but she says not to worry, that I will be paid for my time I miss.
The next morning the nausea sets in, and we aren't able to make his 10am appt for the next infusion. Martha tells us to come in later if he is feeling better, and not wanting to risk his long term health, we get there around 2pm that afternoon. Round two takes a little longer, and he's feeling even worse that night than the night before. The fatigue and other symptoms are lasting, and barely subsiding by the time we meet with Dr. Foley the following Thursday. Because the only change in his vision has been negative, Dr. Foley tells us that they want to do two more infusions, that day and the next to see if that helps. That means not feeling so well over Christmas, but there are no other options. Not wanting to neglect my job or responsibilities, I've been working 12 hour days to make up for time I was taking off to go with him to doctor's appointments. It finally got the best of me, and I came down with a wicked cold on Christmas Day. I'm fighting it, and its fighting back, but its miniscule in comparison to what Seth was feeling, so I definitely can't complain.
The reality of all of this has had time to settle, and although it still doesn't seem fair, everything happens for a reason. I still believe that. I didn't want to when we were in the midst of this, but it doesn't do anyone any good to look at life in any other way than optimistic. We've decided to be our own advocates, we're learning everything we can about this, and going to use it as an opportunity to help not only ourselves, but others as well. I've always wanted to be in "better shape". Who doesn't? This is my reason for MAKING that happen now. Our diet has changed already, and you can bet your ass I'll be running every MS 5k, 10k, and marathon I possibly can. People are living with this disease everyday, and I feel horrible that it only became important enough for me to help support this cause and the research because its happening to someone I love. Thats horrible! I need a passion, and know that I should have had one long before now, I just didn't realize it. Seth and I have already determined that this disease, and dealing with it on a day to day basis is only going to make us stronger and closer. I think life-changing situations can cause just the opposite to happen if you don't already know or determine that you're not going to allow them affect you and everything you hold dear negatively. I've felt a surge of empowerment, and I have to do something with that. I want to do something with that. The news of all of this afforded me at least one emotional breakdown a day until this week, but I'm allowed that if i can use it as motivation to make a difference to someone. I'm going to make a difference. Seth inspires me. I love him with every breath I take, and I will do ANYTHING for him.