Hello
Well i find time to write out my frustrations, and tell the world that my life sucks and im tired of acting like its all good the truth is that my life has no meaning in it, it has no luck in it, barely has a love of her own to call anymore, things are going down hill, ive been in the hospital for six days at enloe with the medical shit thats going on in my life and all there doing know that im out is running test after test and perscription after perscription to them im like the god damn ginny pig to run experiences on and in the process of this it drives my husband out of the picture cause he no longer wants to take care of me, says its been to much and he wants to enjoy life, well im happy he has a life im sorry that i ruined him that day i met him, if i knew all this was going to fall upon me and us i wouldnt of dragged him in, the world feels like it has forsaken me from anything good any luck any thing and i ask why millions of times but no anwsers im left with nothing, this is the truth that i hide, from all i wanted to perfect life i want to be some one i tried it , went to L.A to be a model and did pictures none of what i can show but at that time in my life i felt important like i had the world at my feet and everyone wanted me or to be me at one time, this image that was portrayed made me, but even the best fall down, i think know that i have falllen ive been down for a long time, im not that person anymore, im just a forsaken soul lost in the rain with anything bad that can happen has or will happen, what signs did i miss along the way, i guess alot i dont know, i was nice and now with all this testing and medications have made me into another person, a person without a soul, a person not capabable to understanding a person whos men will walk out of there lifes, im good to look at thats all im good for and thats making it nice, i dont feel that way anymore, maybe im not relationship material to anyone.......my relationships in the past have been rollocosters rides, i already lost one love of my life due to my self wrong fauld doing, maybe i havent learnd who ever gave me this life god or who ever sure in the hell have not watched me and im drowning within my sorrow and i escaped death once, thought that was my sign that i was ment to live but its only been 8 or so months and i havent felt any self worth of me or this life, nothing good has happend personally in my life, and why and why and why, no anwsers led to frustrations and god knows whats next, this release of all this inside is not even half, these words i type arent even close to explain the pain i feel and this whole thing is more that just reading material, its actually i life..........more can explain but maybe another time.............