more drama... and my hatered for May 22nd
so.... kristen called jax out on everthing and he blew up... said that nothing happened... and that peter had to be making it up... so kristen had him call peter on the spot (not knowing that she was there) and talk to him.. and he sort of reworded his story... also kristen (having caught jax in a number of lies) feels that she would be able to tell if he was lying about this.. cause every time she calls him out he reacts a certain way.. and he didnt... so she thinks that what happened was... she bluffed peter in saying she knew a lot of stuff... and peter... trying to keep up with her.. played along with the bluff.. not realizing she was bluffing... and so it blew up... i hope shes right... cause that would drastically change things... i wonder what rich really thinks about all this... and how it will play out....
and now for my hatered of May 22nd... leah came over.. and basically said its better if we are friends.. its not worth getting into every detail of the converstaion... she def has post bad relationship syndrome... as well as a few other factors that im sure are playing into all of this.. it was def rather wishy washy... she blamed herself for a lot of the situation though... she also said she rushed into it and whatnot... but i still got that vibe... that 'under the surface i like you' vibe... and she wasnt saying she didnt like me.. she was saying that liking me wasnt the only factor on her mind... so i dont know... either way it really really sucks... i like her a lot... a lot lot... and it was a great 5 weeks.. but man do i wish it was more... im beginning to loose my faith in women.. for real... ive met a lot of girls in the last year... most of them were not dating material.. and the ones i actually dated... or almost dated.. or whatever.. all ended up being fucked up.. or had some problem.. or had post bad relationship syndrome or something... god dammit.. i just want to meet a nice girl who likes me... who i like.... whos looking for the same thing as i am... and i swear i dont think shes out there... im not even looking for the future mrs mazur... cause i KNOW she doesnt live in tally... but even mrs right now has eluded me... and leah def would have been that... she was everything i like in a girl and at the same time managed to not be all the stupid things i dont like... the last girl i met that made me feel that way she does.... it grew into an amazing 4 years... but i guess this ones not gonna be that... she says shes till wants to be my friend and hang out... so ill play it by ear a little longer... hang out with her from time to time (now that rich and kristyn are starting to date.. on their date nights ill just hang out with leah... we can be each other's 'my best friend is busy tonight' pals.. haha)... who knows... ive been here before... i like a girl... she likes me.. she backs out.. i wait patiently... its almost scary that she does the same thing to me that sara did at this point in our relationship.. and shes backing out.. just like sara did... very weird... ill see what the next month or so has in store... its not like im looking anyway... unless a girl falls out of the sky and lands on me.. haha... maybe if i stick around and wait... she'll come around.. or maybe not.. but ill never know if i dont stick around to find out... in the meantime.. if you (or anyone you know) are a beautiful girl who fits my long list of requirements (and i havent already dated you).. feel free to come out of the wood work.. cause im so ready to be happy with someone and im so tired of it falling through my fingers...
and now i sit here.. at 3 in the morning.. alone... wondering if my band is going to pull through this.. wondering if jax is telling the truth or if hes a horrible person... wondering whats going to happen to our circle of friends... wondering if ill be happy soon... wondering if she'll come around... and it sux... cause im a pessemist.. and i bet you can imagine what i think is going to happen with all of it... i know that saying 'my life sucks' is completely reletive and that so many people have it way worse than i do.. but right now... relative to my life on a whole and what i consider happiness... my life sucks and i hate it.... im not a big believer in karma... but seriously what the hell did i ever do to deserve the last year and a half of my life... cause looking back... (other than the 8th year of my life) this has been the worst year i have ever had...
and now for my hatered of May 22nd... leah came over.. and basically said its better if we are friends.. its not worth getting into every detail of the converstaion... she def has post bad relationship syndrome... as well as a few other factors that im sure are playing into all of this.. it was def rather wishy washy... she blamed herself for a lot of the situation though... she also said she rushed into it and whatnot... but i still got that vibe... that 'under the surface i like you' vibe... and she wasnt saying she didnt like me.. she was saying that liking me wasnt the only factor on her mind... so i dont know... either way it really really sucks... i like her a lot... a lot lot... and it was a great 5 weeks.. but man do i wish it was more... im beginning to loose my faith in women.. for real... ive met a lot of girls in the last year... most of them were not dating material.. and the ones i actually dated... or almost dated.. or whatever.. all ended up being fucked up.. or had some problem.. or had post bad relationship syndrome or something... god dammit.. i just want to meet a nice girl who likes me... who i like.... whos looking for the same thing as i am... and i swear i dont think shes out there... im not even looking for the future mrs mazur... cause i KNOW she doesnt live in tally... but even mrs right now has eluded me... and leah def would have been that... she was everything i like in a girl and at the same time managed to not be all the stupid things i dont like... the last girl i met that made me feel that way she does.... it grew into an amazing 4 years... but i guess this ones not gonna be that... she says shes till wants to be my friend and hang out... so ill play it by ear a little longer... hang out with her from time to time (now that rich and kristyn are starting to date.. on their date nights ill just hang out with leah... we can be each other's 'my best friend is busy tonight' pals.. haha)... who knows... ive been here before... i like a girl... she likes me.. she backs out.. i wait patiently... its almost scary that she does the same thing to me that sara did at this point in our relationship.. and shes backing out.. just like sara did... very weird... ill see what the next month or so has in store... its not like im looking anyway... unless a girl falls out of the sky and lands on me.. haha... maybe if i stick around and wait... she'll come around.. or maybe not.. but ill never know if i dont stick around to find out... in the meantime.. if you (or anyone you know) are a beautiful girl who fits my long list of requirements (and i havent already dated you).. feel free to come out of the wood work.. cause im so ready to be happy with someone and im so tired of it falling through my fingers...
and now i sit here.. at 3 in the morning.. alone... wondering if my band is going to pull through this.. wondering if jax is telling the truth or if hes a horrible person... wondering whats going to happen to our circle of friends... wondering if ill be happy soon... wondering if she'll come around... and it sux... cause im a pessemist.. and i bet you can imagine what i think is going to happen with all of it... i know that saying 'my life sucks' is completely reletive and that so many people have it way worse than i do.. but right now... relative to my life on a whole and what i consider happiness... my life sucks and i hate it.... im not a big believer in karma... but seriously what the hell did i ever do to deserve the last year and a half of my life... cause looking back... (other than the 8th year of my life) this has been the worst year i have ever had...