too simple
i don't know what to say again. my jealousy is spreading like a fire again. it's threatening to grow out of control if i don't kill it somehow soon. i don't know what to do to make myself better. and i wonder how people see me, if it's near how i know i am. a level or two below. i can disguise my self all day everyday, and the fact will never change. i could never compete, maybe that's my main short coming. trying to act sexy, or smart, or anything attractive is fucking embarassing. it just seems ridiculous from a person like me. so i try to just be. to exist and never pretend, and it's never enough for anyone. i am rejected for who i really am, and for nothing else. the worst scenerio of being ignored. how could i not be jealous? how can i keep it from growing out of control and tainting everything i have?