i feel funny
been very emotional tonight. it feels good. even crying. especially crying. especially when its not neccesarily sadness. have a cough right. so i took these pill things, work well but make me feel funny. and some tussen caz my throat hurts. and some of this perscription stuff left over from when i had chronic bronchitis, to sleep b/c it's some strong shit. apparently i forgot i about that. add that to a day of being overheated in the sun, underslept,burnt out, and traveling on buses for five hours. it's indescribable. and it just adds to my creepy mood lately, where i've just been writing away in my notebook. totally caught up in myself, drawing, writing. recording everything i think and feel. it's the only drive and ambition i've ever felt. i started this painting the other day that i'm really excited about. it's me when i'm about four years old, in my white christmas dress, and i'm about to get eaten by a monster. my thoughts are my only evidence of life. and i love them like a security blanket. i feel like puking when i move. this is the most productive i've ever felt. it sounds cheesy, but i think i've found my calling in life.