Countdown.
33.
The number crashed down on me tonight. This is the number of days that I have left in the States before heading off to the Philippines for a two week mission trip. It is also the number of days that I have left to spiritually prepare myself for such the journey. I know that there is no way that one can actually fully prepare for something such as a mission trip, God moves in the ways He chooses and whether or not I'm ready for that doesn't change the fact that He does it. Last year was a first hand account of this in my life. He brought me back to my spiritual birthplace to show me that I wasn't even close to where I thought I was in my walk with Him. I was shown things about myself that I wish never had even existed in my heart to begin with. The pride and selfishness God revealed to me that dwelt within my own heart sickened me, here I was trying to tell others about Jesus and yet within myself I denied Him with my hearts position.
I can't tell you how many times I've felt inadequate to share God's Word with others. I've felt so hypocritical, so unprepared, too ungodly to do such a holy thing. However, God has picked me up and told me through His word that I am His man for doing this. I was created to do this. My shortfalls have embarrassed me when I try to tell others of His mercy, my unworthiness has driven me to tears in many nights praying to God for His forgiving hand to hold mine. It's through those times that He has brought me to where I am now, no longer guilt ridden, no longer concentrating on past failures, but focusing on what I can change: my future.
56.
It seems as if the future is coming too soon. I feel like I've longed forever for the moment I'm about to be living in, only to find that I no longer want to live in that moment. I've been blessed with 18 years of truly wonderful family life. I've been supported, taught, guided, mended, nurished and loved by two of the most Godly people I know. I have been graced with a little brother as well, one who I prayed for when I was 4 years old at the foot of my mothers bed. He is everything I could ask for and beyond in a brother and friend. It rips me apart inside thinking that in 56 days I am going to leave this house and start a new life. One in which I'm going to be rooming with a great friend, Kevin, learning many new things at a wonderful Christian University, and traveling 11 months out of the year to perform with an amazing group of musicians across the United States. This future is indeed everything I've prayed and hoped for, and yet I'm selfish enough to say that I'm not ready. Despite my sorrow for leaving my wonderful family and loved ones, I must say that it is one of the most exciting times in my life as well. I am about to embark on a journey with God. The next 4 years of my life will be a time of great inspiriation, a time of being able to listen to God's voice and not have any confinements to keep me back from whatever He wills for me. It's with great sadness I leave this wonderful household, and yet with great joy knowing that God will always keep us close.
18 years has already passed... where will I be in another 18 years? Will I be married and have children, or will I still be a man on adventures with God following Him untethered to wherever He leads me? I can't say, but I know that this is the start of something amazing.
The future starts now.
The number crashed down on me tonight. This is the number of days that I have left in the States before heading off to the Philippines for a two week mission trip. It is also the number of days that I have left to spiritually prepare myself for such the journey. I know that there is no way that one can actually fully prepare for something such as a mission trip, God moves in the ways He chooses and whether or not I'm ready for that doesn't change the fact that He does it. Last year was a first hand account of this in my life. He brought me back to my spiritual birthplace to show me that I wasn't even close to where I thought I was in my walk with Him. I was shown things about myself that I wish never had even existed in my heart to begin with. The pride and selfishness God revealed to me that dwelt within my own heart sickened me, here I was trying to tell others about Jesus and yet within myself I denied Him with my hearts position.
I can't tell you how many times I've felt inadequate to share God's Word with others. I've felt so hypocritical, so unprepared, too ungodly to do such a holy thing. However, God has picked me up and told me through His word that I am His man for doing this. I was created to do this. My shortfalls have embarrassed me when I try to tell others of His mercy, my unworthiness has driven me to tears in many nights praying to God for His forgiving hand to hold mine. It's through those times that He has brought me to where I am now, no longer guilt ridden, no longer concentrating on past failures, but focusing on what I can change: my future.
56.
It seems as if the future is coming too soon. I feel like I've longed forever for the moment I'm about to be living in, only to find that I no longer want to live in that moment. I've been blessed with 18 years of truly wonderful family life. I've been supported, taught, guided, mended, nurished and loved by two of the most Godly people I know. I have been graced with a little brother as well, one who I prayed for when I was 4 years old at the foot of my mothers bed. He is everything I could ask for and beyond in a brother and friend. It rips me apart inside thinking that in 56 days I am going to leave this house and start a new life. One in which I'm going to be rooming with a great friend, Kevin, learning many new things at a wonderful Christian University, and traveling 11 months out of the year to perform with an amazing group of musicians across the United States. This future is indeed everything I've prayed and hoped for, and yet I'm selfish enough to say that I'm not ready. Despite my sorrow for leaving my wonderful family and loved ones, I must say that it is one of the most exciting times in my life as well. I am about to embark on a journey with God. The next 4 years of my life will be a time of great inspiriation, a time of being able to listen to God's voice and not have any confinements to keep me back from whatever He wills for me. It's with great sadness I leave this wonderful household, and yet with great joy knowing that God will always keep us close.
18 years has already passed... where will I be in another 18 years? Will I be married and have children, or will I still be a man on adventures with God following Him untethered to wherever He leads me? I can't say, but I know that this is the start of something amazing.
The future starts now.