It's been a long time...

[jesse_avila]

Thirteen years ago my girlfriend drown the day before Valentine's day...and didn't find out until just before I was preparing to drive up on Valentines day. I'd vaguely heard about someone drowning at Oak Creek Canyon, near Sedona, and half-jokingly said to a friend, "With my luck it was my girlfriend." Well, it was. I tried calling to find out if the bridge to her place was open or if I needed directions to where the higher bridge was. There was no answer at her house. I called the resort where she was a chef, and asked for her. The head chef got on the phone asking who I was, and when I identified myself, he told me her truck had been washed off the bridge and she had drowned. It took me eight years to stop remembering the day, or remember her birthday, or the anniversary of our first date, or... She was one of the great loves of my life. For some reason it has come flooding back this year. So much significant, permanent loss in my life besides this ...does it ever stop?

This year, life is good. I'm working a lot, which is good for a self-employed person, and I'm happy in my career. I have a busy, active social life. I have a lot of exciting things on the horizon. And I have school to look forward to when I am ready to return. I'm going to Portland next month to an event and hopefully see a friend, I have a trip to San Francisco every month for the next year or so, for a bdsm academy, I'm planning to go to Beltane at Wolfcreek, and the Shamans' gathering in NM in August. So, why do I feel lonely?