Totally tried to update this at 10 a.m. but LJ was being lame :o)
So here are some real thoughts I had this morning about Jamee.
Really weird night last night. It started off normally enough. The four of us - and of course by that, anyone who knows anything knows that I mean Jamee, Adri, Tyler, and me - were hanging out at Jamee's house. His parents were gone, as usual. Poor boy, he's practically an orphan. Anyway :o) We had a lot of fun. We watched like eight movies, ordered pizza, ate tons of stuff, hung out until about two in the morning. Adrienne drove Tyler home, but I stayed with Jamee. We ended up staying up all night - seriously, I have not yet been to sleep. Just talking. It was like when we used to do that on the phone and stuff in like, seventh and eighth grade, before everything got all crappy and complicated. When the only thing we had between us was love.
I still love him so much. I pretty much know that I never ever *stopped* loving him. Not once during these entire twleve months we've been apart (i.e. broken up - but of course that also includes the semester we spent geographically apart, while Jam was in Florida). But seriously, think about that - I haven't kissed Jamee in a year. Well, almost. But still. That's the longest I've gone without kissing him since about the beginning of time. Or, fifth grade anyway.
We talked about so many things, but he didn't even come close to asking me anything about why I'd broken up with him (then again, I think it was pretty clear, plus he's had a year to think about it), or whether I thought we'd ever get back together. I almost told him about what happened with Ryan at the end of April, but I chickened out. I knew it would make him angry, and I still have some guilt about that, so. Even though - YES, MISHELLE!! - I know it wasn't my fault! Sort of.
Oh, this is getting long. I don't know what I want when it comes to Jamee. I love him so much, but I need to figure out if that's just because I've loved him since we were ten or because I really need him to be happy? I can honestly say this past year has been the worst of my life. I was way worse off without him than I was before we broke up, even during the last few weeks when it was so bad. And he's so sweet. And so sorry. And I can tell his heart is still a little broken. Gosh: what am I going to do? Or, a better question:
What's going to happen now?
Really weird night last night. It started off normally enough. The four of us - and of course by that, anyone who knows anything knows that I mean Jamee, Adri, Tyler, and me - were hanging out at Jamee's house. His parents were gone, as usual. Poor boy, he's practically an orphan. Anyway :o) We had a lot of fun. We watched like eight movies, ordered pizza, ate tons of stuff, hung out until about two in the morning. Adrienne drove Tyler home, but I stayed with Jamee. We ended up staying up all night - seriously, I have not yet been to sleep. Just talking. It was like when we used to do that on the phone and stuff in like, seventh and eighth grade, before everything got all crappy and complicated. When the only thing we had between us was love.
I still love him so much. I pretty much know that I never ever *stopped* loving him. Not once during these entire twleve months we've been apart (i.e. broken up - but of course that also includes the semester we spent geographically apart, while Jam was in Florida). But seriously, think about that - I haven't kissed Jamee in a year. Well, almost. But still. That's the longest I've gone without kissing him since about the beginning of time. Or, fifth grade anyway.
We talked about so many things, but he didn't even come close to asking me anything about why I'd broken up with him (then again, I think it was pretty clear, plus he's had a year to think about it), or whether I thought we'd ever get back together. I almost told him about what happened with Ryan at the end of April, but I chickened out. I knew it would make him angry, and I still have some guilt about that, so. Even though - YES, MISHELLE!! - I know it wasn't my fault! Sort of.
Oh, this is getting long. I don't know what I want when it comes to Jamee. I love him so much, but I need to figure out if that's just because I've loved him since we were ten or because I really need him to be happy? I can honestly say this past year has been the worst of my life. I was way worse off without him than I was before we broke up, even during the last few weeks when it was so bad. And he's so sweet. And so sorry. And I can tell his heart is still a little broken. Gosh: what am I going to do? Or, a better question:
What's going to happen now?