(no subject)
tonight Mom, Uncle Dean and I went to Swedes Inn Bar to see Cousin Mel's band play. Yes the old man is a drunk fool and is a bit too much sometimes, but we went to go show him support and see him for the first time in a few months. I like seeing him, dont ask me why. But i do. If you ever met this man, you would wonder why I would want to see him too.
Well, tonight..it hit me like a ton of bricks....I was sitting there watching him get so into playing that guitar and singing and going nuts on the harmonica. He is in no way graceful about how he moves or plays, but i couldn't take my eyes off of him. For a minute i got lost and no longer saw him there, but my grandpa. And thats it... from the little bits of what people have told me about my grandpa, he and Mel were a lot a like. No one has ever really told me a lot about my grandpa. I never even realized I had a grandpa I didnt get to meet until my grandma died. I had never really thought of it as far as I know. I just remember sitting in the front seat of Uncle Dean's truck that day, driving back from the cemetary and he told me about how when he was my age his dad died. I think thats the first time I realized I was missing a grandparent from my whole life. From what I've been told he died from a heart attack I believe, and I found out he was an alcoholic, an incredibly talented, freespirited musician and a working man. I know his name was Ralph Leon Stiles, I've seen very few photos of him, and thats partly due to the fact there are a scarce amount of them..but it hurts. I remember mom always telling me taht I would of loved him and how much he would of apprieciated my quirks...about how a lot of who I am inside is like her dad.
I looked at Mel up there tonight and my eyes welled up with tears. I feel like Im missing something, almost like part of my identity is missing. I've always sort of been the odd one out in a lot of ways when it comes to where I get my personality from in my family. Over the years I've evolved to be a lot like the Browns, but there is so much of me that Stiles, but I cant indentify with it all the way because its Grandpa's personality and identity. I wish i even knew more about him, its like no one wants to talk about him, yet he was such a great man as far as I know.
I guess I really just wish I would of been able to meet him.
Well, tonight..it hit me like a ton of bricks....I was sitting there watching him get so into playing that guitar and singing and going nuts on the harmonica. He is in no way graceful about how he moves or plays, but i couldn't take my eyes off of him. For a minute i got lost and no longer saw him there, but my grandpa. And thats it... from the little bits of what people have told me about my grandpa, he and Mel were a lot a like. No one has ever really told me a lot about my grandpa. I never even realized I had a grandpa I didnt get to meet until my grandma died. I had never really thought of it as far as I know. I just remember sitting in the front seat of Uncle Dean's truck that day, driving back from the cemetary and he told me about how when he was my age his dad died. I think thats the first time I realized I was missing a grandparent from my whole life. From what I've been told he died from a heart attack I believe, and I found out he was an alcoholic, an incredibly talented, freespirited musician and a working man. I know his name was Ralph Leon Stiles, I've seen very few photos of him, and thats partly due to the fact there are a scarce amount of them..but it hurts. I remember mom always telling me taht I would of loved him and how much he would of apprieciated my quirks...about how a lot of who I am inside is like her dad.
I looked at Mel up there tonight and my eyes welled up with tears. I feel like Im missing something, almost like part of my identity is missing. I've always sort of been the odd one out in a lot of ways when it comes to where I get my personality from in my family. Over the years I've evolved to be a lot like the Browns, but there is so much of me that Stiles, but I cant indentify with it all the way because its Grandpa's personality and identity. I wish i even knew more about him, its like no one wants to talk about him, yet he was such a great man as far as I know.
I guess I really just wish I would of been able to meet him.