(no subject)
Well, so everyone else in the world is excited to go back to school, but me -again-. Thus begins another semester where i will feel like all i do is wait and count down the days. I am not excited about returning to school. I really really really hope that things will do a 180 if i'm at Georiga. I want to be normal and look forward to being at school, just like everyone else. But i wasn't last year, heck last year i was bawling, sobbing, kicking and screaming (ok, well not the last part, but you get the idea). I'm scared that will happen again this year. Because i'm leaving tomorrow to go on a wonderful vacation to myrtle beach with Trent, and i'm afraid that this year will be a repeat of last year. What i mean is that i will just have returned fresh from the beach, and seven days with trent, and then i get to look forward to.... well, nothing really. At least last year i was a little tiny bit excited because i was starting a new thing, mim was with me, we had a cute cute dorm room and i had a soldier on my side. Now, i feel like i'll be leaving everything that is important to me. My boyfriend, my one friend, and my family. I'm so hesitant to leave my mom. I'm scared for it. Why do i have to go back to milledgeville? There is nothing there for me. I got all i need right here.
I suppose its obligation. Of course i'm going to school. I do enjoy learning some things. There are a few things that could be bright spots in milledgeville this time. For one, i will be in a private room again so i won't even have to deal with the emotional frustration like last year. And i'm friends with my suitemate, and she's in the same boat as me, boyfriend-wise. So i'm hoping thats a potential good friend right there. And brad's there, he's my only friend from milledgeville. And if i know brad, he'll be the same good guy, determined to make my semester the best.
But there are some shadows about returning to milledgeville, well returning to school in general. Besides the ones i've already mentioned i guess. But returning to school means i have to be one step closer to picking a major. And that just makes my head spin. What the hell am i gonna study??? You can tell me that i'm only nineteen and that i don't have to pick yet all you want, but it doesn't matter. I won't listen. Because to me, it IS important and i really AM running out of time. Seeing my track record of how i enjoy school so far, i really don't want to be in school for seven years, trying out every major that pops in my head. Time is running out fast. How come EVERY one else knows what they wanna do? How come everytime i feel like i come close to deciding, doubts come flying into my head? Why can't i just listen to myself and decide? Why do hesitations come from all around me? WHY IS THIS SO HARD?
I guess to end on a lighter note, despite what i say up there, i really AM excited about going to myrtle beach. I really am. I've woken up every morning for like the past fifteen days thinking about it and being excited about it. That's a pretty long time. And now, its finally here (tomorrow)! Here's to hoping i can forget about all my worries on the vacation and just get crunk, relax and have a fabulous time! *clink!*
I suppose its obligation. Of course i'm going to school. I do enjoy learning some things. There are a few things that could be bright spots in milledgeville this time. For one, i will be in a private room again so i won't even have to deal with the emotional frustration like last year. And i'm friends with my suitemate, and she's in the same boat as me, boyfriend-wise. So i'm hoping thats a potential good friend right there. And brad's there, he's my only friend from milledgeville. And if i know brad, he'll be the same good guy, determined to make my semester the best.
But there are some shadows about returning to milledgeville, well returning to school in general. Besides the ones i've already mentioned i guess. But returning to school means i have to be one step closer to picking a major. And that just makes my head spin. What the hell am i gonna study??? You can tell me that i'm only nineteen and that i don't have to pick yet all you want, but it doesn't matter. I won't listen. Because to me, it IS important and i really AM running out of time. Seeing my track record of how i enjoy school so far, i really don't want to be in school for seven years, trying out every major that pops in my head. Time is running out fast. How come EVERY one else knows what they wanna do? How come everytime i feel like i come close to deciding, doubts come flying into my head? Why can't i just listen to myself and decide? Why do hesitations come from all around me? WHY IS THIS SO HARD?
I guess to end on a lighter note, despite what i say up there, i really AM excited about going to myrtle beach. I really am. I've woken up every morning for like the past fifteen days thinking about it and being excited about it. That's a pretty long time. And now, its finally here (tomorrow)! Here's to hoping i can forget about all my worries on the vacation and just get crunk, relax and have a fabulous time! *clink!*