randomness!
hmm well lets see i dont even know where to begin... well lets start by saying i have been having alot of weird dreams latley ange u know what i am talking about... and u know what it has been about too. i love life right now in certain aspects. i do what i want when i want and it is great i love my friends and i really dont know what i would do with out them and they say friends are the family u choose and i guess i have chosen the best! and i love my family they aslo always know what to say and the are right about 99% of what they say! but with all this comes a down side, i dont know why though because things are great for me. its like i am so happy but then i start to think about things and its not because i want to thats for sure! there are certain things i wish could just be left in my past and never think about again but that isnt possible for some odd reason! i know what u are all thinking and this isnt about HIM i dont miss him nor do i want him around but..... i miss the feelings that were there i missing having someone who cared about me like that and i miss having the one person that i felt the same way about them as they did me, someone i could talk on the phone with till all hours of the night for no reason and even fall asleep on the phone. they one person that knew u so well inside and out like the back of their hand and knew exactly how to make u smile....but yet when something remotly comes my way i want nothing to do with it like lol i know erika gets mad at me about the one person i dont want ne thing to do with anymore lol and i love you erk but see what every one needs to understand about me is when i feel it is the right thing for me thats when i will make some thing happen.. thats how it happened last time and thats how it will happen next time.. i know i am picky.. very picky but at times i want to just throw all that out the window bc it all gets old real old! its like i am happy but i am un happy and i dont know what to do.. its all so confussing and i can only talk to a few ppl about it. erika you told me the other day not to worrie about things bc its all starting to fall into place.. i guess so but i want the rest to go away u know . at the same time i want to forget about some things in my past but then i dont.. not really that i dont i cant. all my girls say theyd be the same way if they were in my situation though. i dont know i guess i just feel as if i am not good enough to have that again to have someone who feels that way about me ... i dont know i mean i know i will be okay or at least ill pretend i am... i know ill continue to have fun with my friends and be happy but still at the back of my mind will be all of this! if u have any words of wisdom please comment!