this is the hardest thing i have ever done
nicks leaving tomorrow. wow. i cant handle this.
starbucks tonight with the lovely jenny jenny jenny.
hopefully hanging with panderz before school.
so these are my feeling toward everything.
perpare yourself. this isnt meant to start a fight its things i have been holding in and i cant stress enough. i had to get them out and i dont know how else to do it because i know you will read this:
garden state has been playing for two nights in a row now probobly going on three tonight. i fucking miss daniel. that kid is the only guy who has respected me for almost 4 years now and has never ever let me down. i dont think i can wait 3 more weeks but i guess ill have to. i need to be happy again.
i am so upset and i dont feel good. i havent felt good for bout a month now. call it petty drama but this is the truth and sometimes the truth hurts. you have made me nothing but insecure. you have lied to me and i still love you. this is not the way it should have been. i thought it was going to be perfect but its not... i wish it could be. im an idiot to have any hope for the future. but i wish there was one. you have torn my heart into shreds and i have never been so hurt or felt so not good enough for anyone i my entire life. i wish i could hate you but its really just not possible. i wanted you to come and see me today... i guess that is a little too much to ask of you after i put my heart and my hard earned money into your present and you driving not even an hour to come get them is the biggest problem i guess... excuses excuses is all i have been getting for a fucking month now. and dont tell me they were all true.... they werent i know it. i find out everything... i almost wish i didnt. it never seemed to bother you before to come see me . you say youll see me when you get home... whats the point. you dont want to come see me now so why would you later... you wont be ready than either... "it will be awkard" no your the one who makes it akward. it wouldnt be. and also youll just go back to that fucking slut "that is only a friend and its so good to vent to someone and have a friend that is close by. i dont like her at all we are jsut friends." thats funny. i think its really funny since you lied to me about that too. it fucking hurts so god damn bad.
guys are fucking horny and have no god damn feelings i swear to god. they love their mommies and ther cocks. thats it.
so go have at it all summer. it will kill me and i will have nothin left. i love you and i wish i didnt. what the fuck is my problem.
the only way i am going to get over this is if i meet another guy.... i dont see that happening anytime soon .... after this i dont know if i can ever love anyone again. you have made it so hard to trust anyone or love anyone. i hope you have the best trip of your life... my summer will suck. so this is my goodbye to you for the summer if not forever.... its all up to you.
starbucks tonight with the lovely jenny jenny jenny.
hopefully hanging with panderz before school.
so these are my feeling toward everything.
perpare yourself. this isnt meant to start a fight its things i have been holding in and i cant stress enough. i had to get them out and i dont know how else to do it because i know you will read this:
garden state has been playing for two nights in a row now probobly going on three tonight. i fucking miss daniel. that kid is the only guy who has respected me for almost 4 years now and has never ever let me down. i dont think i can wait 3 more weeks but i guess ill have to. i need to be happy again.
i am so upset and i dont feel good. i havent felt good for bout a month now. call it petty drama but this is the truth and sometimes the truth hurts. you have made me nothing but insecure. you have lied to me and i still love you. this is not the way it should have been. i thought it was going to be perfect but its not... i wish it could be. im an idiot to have any hope for the future. but i wish there was one. you have torn my heart into shreds and i have never been so hurt or felt so not good enough for anyone i my entire life. i wish i could hate you but its really just not possible. i wanted you to come and see me today... i guess that is a little too much to ask of you after i put my heart and my hard earned money into your present and you driving not even an hour to come get them is the biggest problem i guess... excuses excuses is all i have been getting for a fucking month now. and dont tell me they were all true.... they werent i know it. i find out everything... i almost wish i didnt. it never seemed to bother you before to come see me . you say youll see me when you get home... whats the point. you dont want to come see me now so why would you later... you wont be ready than either... "it will be awkard" no your the one who makes it akward. it wouldnt be. and also youll just go back to that fucking slut "that is only a friend and its so good to vent to someone and have a friend that is close by. i dont like her at all we are jsut friends." thats funny. i think its really funny since you lied to me about that too. it fucking hurts so god damn bad.
guys are fucking horny and have no god damn feelings i swear to god. they love their mommies and ther cocks. thats it.
so go have at it all summer. it will kill me and i will have nothin left. i love you and i wish i didnt. what the fuck is my problem.
the only way i am going to get over this is if i meet another guy.... i dont see that happening anytime soon .... after this i dont know if i can ever love anyone again. you have made it so hard to trust anyone or love anyone. i hope you have the best trip of your life... my summer will suck. so this is my goodbye to you for the summer if not forever.... its all up to you.