What wasn't read
Here are the things that probably weren't read.
Sunday June 11th 2006
I talked about how hard it was having Patrick's parents accept Stephanie so easily whereas with me (admittedly the circumstances were much different) it has taken years and years and years. Because she is smart, she is going to University, she has the same interests as Bob (dad), and so for whatever reasons she has fit in better than I have. Right from the start. I was unnervingly jealous.
Various other times from back then to now:
I talked about how thankful I was for Avery to have an Uncle and Aunt, since I am an only child and I feel that the more family Avery has the better.
Saturday March 31st 2007
I wrote about how Bob called Patrick but he wasn't home and ended up talking to me and how that was the second time we had talked and Bob carried his side of the conversation.
There are many many other times I wrote positive things and I can't explain how stupid I feel for being so blunt and using such harsh language in the things that were read recently.
What has been consistent and true since we started sharing a house is how much I care about Bob. I didn't realize until he was gone how much I gave a shit, but I have found myself listening for him downstairs and then realizing he isn't here and being sad. I miss him way more than I thought I could and that is only compounded by Patrick missing his brother and Avery missing her Bobby. She misses him so much.
The underlying message of what I wrote before was that all I wanted was for Bob to be happy. It has been obvious for a long time that he hasn't been 100% and seeing how happy he is now has only made it more apparent. I just wanted what I thought was best for him and I regret the way I worded it.
I wish he never read that shit of mine. And I wish we saw him as often as we used to.
And lastly, something I wrote in 2007 about Patrick's family:
"It makes me feel so good having them in my life. I appreciate them immensely."
Sunday June 11th 2006
I talked about how hard it was having Patrick's parents accept Stephanie so easily whereas with me (admittedly the circumstances were much different) it has taken years and years and years. Because she is smart, she is going to University, she has the same interests as Bob (dad), and so for whatever reasons she has fit in better than I have. Right from the start. I was unnervingly jealous.
Various other times from back then to now:
I talked about how thankful I was for Avery to have an Uncle and Aunt, since I am an only child and I feel that the more family Avery has the better.
Saturday March 31st 2007
I wrote about how Bob called Patrick but he wasn't home and ended up talking to me and how that was the second time we had talked and Bob carried his side of the conversation.
There are many many other times I wrote positive things and I can't explain how stupid I feel for being so blunt and using such harsh language in the things that were read recently.
What has been consistent and true since we started sharing a house is how much I care about Bob. I didn't realize until he was gone how much I gave a shit, but I have found myself listening for him downstairs and then realizing he isn't here and being sad. I miss him way more than I thought I could and that is only compounded by Patrick missing his brother and Avery missing her Bobby. She misses him so much.
The underlying message of what I wrote before was that all I wanted was for Bob to be happy. It has been obvious for a long time that he hasn't been 100% and seeing how happy he is now has only made it more apparent. I just wanted what I thought was best for him and I regret the way I worded it.
I wish he never read that shit of mine. And I wish we saw him as often as we used to.
And lastly, something I wrote in 2007 about Patrick's family:
"It makes me feel so good having them in my life. I appreciate them immensely."