this shit sucks!!!
i'm tired of computer blogs and empty words.
its been a long road and this is the end.
i'm done talking.
i'm done being nice to people who don't deserve my time.
don't get me wrong... i'm not directing that at anyone in general.
everything has been rough lately and i'm sick of people pretending to care and then turning their back when i might actually need them.
believe it or not. i cried. i spent all night tuesday crying with a friend. i love her dearly. i think i might finally be able to start showing emotion and letting my feelings out. i have done permanent damage keeping everything in all these years and it's time to let it go.
i am starting over with everything. new relationships that actually have meaning. new outlook on life in general. it's time for me to say goodbye to my childhood and finish growing up and making tough decisions. i have recently made the hardest decision i will probably ever have to make for a long time and it hurts. there is no other way to explain it. my heart is torn and i hurt someone i care about more than i realized. in the process i hurt someone i love. i hate being in the middle and it is time for me to move on. to be with someone and actually let them in. it's time to be... anything other than what i was.
starting over will be hard i don't expect anything different. i just have to remember that in the end i have to find my way to the one person who will never leave my side and will always lead and guide me if i let him. its time to bring God back into everything i do. i can't keep living without him.
it's also time to commit myself to the relationship that i'm in and see where it leads me. his name is chris. it scared me at first because i have to learn to give up some control and let him lead me instead of the other way around. i think it scared me because i realized that i actually love this boy and i have done nothing but screw it up from the beginning because i can't let anything good happen. well i'm over it. i hope that this is the last time i break someones heart or my heart gets broken. if everything goes as planned. i might end up with chris for a very long time. maybe even forever. it's weird to hear all of this coming out of my mouth. between him and lindsey i have found my feelings and i have emotions. i might be a girl after all. who'd have thunk it?!?
so this is pretty much good-bye. it's been a long time and it is coming to an end. i will be completely out of here by the end of the month. no one actually reads any of this shit anyway.
so thank you to anyone who supported me and left me comments and helped me to grow over the years. i will miss you guys. i don't see most of you anymore and it hasn't been that long, but it seems like forever ago when the whole hcc group was together. as much as i loved those days it's time to move on. time to make new memories with myself and the people i love.
lj is gay. the end.
its been a long road and this is the end.
i'm done talking.
i'm done being nice to people who don't deserve my time.
don't get me wrong... i'm not directing that at anyone in general.
everything has been rough lately and i'm sick of people pretending to care and then turning their back when i might actually need them.
believe it or not. i cried. i spent all night tuesday crying with a friend. i love her dearly. i think i might finally be able to start showing emotion and letting my feelings out. i have done permanent damage keeping everything in all these years and it's time to let it go.
i am starting over with everything. new relationships that actually have meaning. new outlook on life in general. it's time for me to say goodbye to my childhood and finish growing up and making tough decisions. i have recently made the hardest decision i will probably ever have to make for a long time and it hurts. there is no other way to explain it. my heart is torn and i hurt someone i care about more than i realized. in the process i hurt someone i love. i hate being in the middle and it is time for me to move on. to be with someone and actually let them in. it's time to be... anything other than what i was.
starting over will be hard i don't expect anything different. i just have to remember that in the end i have to find my way to the one person who will never leave my side and will always lead and guide me if i let him. its time to bring God back into everything i do. i can't keep living without him.
it's also time to commit myself to the relationship that i'm in and see where it leads me. his name is chris. it scared me at first because i have to learn to give up some control and let him lead me instead of the other way around. i think it scared me because i realized that i actually love this boy and i have done nothing but screw it up from the beginning because i can't let anything good happen. well i'm over it. i hope that this is the last time i break someones heart or my heart gets broken. if everything goes as planned. i might end up with chris for a very long time. maybe even forever. it's weird to hear all of this coming out of my mouth. between him and lindsey i have found my feelings and i have emotions. i might be a girl after all. who'd have thunk it?!?
so this is pretty much good-bye. it's been a long time and it is coming to an end. i will be completely out of here by the end of the month. no one actually reads any of this shit anyway.
so thank you to anyone who supported me and left me comments and helped me to grow over the years. i will miss you guys. i don't see most of you anymore and it hasn't been that long, but it seems like forever ago when the whole hcc group was together. as much as i loved those days it's time to move on. time to make new memories with myself and the people i love.
lj is gay. the end.