If An Illusion Is All I Have
Final Chaper: If An Illusion Is All I Have
Author: Jess_Who
Fandom: Ashes To Ashes
Pairings: Alex, Gene, CID, Molly, etc
Rating: 12A (Rating may change)
Disclaimer: Only a fan, not the owner.. :'(
Spoilers: None really. Set in 1982
Note: hank you for all you kind comment and to all those who took the time to read my story. Dedicated to my beta'd Rantandrumour, because she is amazing!!
Chapter 10: The Cat
Chapter 11: Little Girl
Chapter 12: She Ran
Chapter 13: Let The Girl Save The Day
....A2A...A2A....
Final Chaper
Gene let his body sink into the familiar sofa with its black and white stripes, his feet automatically coming to rest on the coffee table.
"It's been a long day," Gene commented unnecessarily as he watched Molly surveying the room, picking up every little knick-knack she happened to come across.
"Yeah," she said absentmindedly.
"You wanna talk about what happened, or do you want your Mum here?" he asked, nodding in the direction of the bathroom where Alex was undoubtedly scrubbing herself clean of the day under a stream of hot water.
"I don't remember much," Molly said uneasily. "I was feeling ill so I skipped French. I was on my way home..." She allowed the sentence to fall short, not sure of what she ought to tell him.
She could hardly tell him that in real time her mother had been dead a month the day she ran out of school, because she just could not do it anymore, could not pretend she was fine.
"I woke up and everything was so different. I didn't know where I was. I was just standing in the middle of the street when the van came..."
She certainly could not tell him she was from the future, where he was just a name in a dead man's file and the only person she had left was Evan...her godfather!
She froze mid-step, her breath hitching as the grief she had both caused and now felt for him overwhelmed her and spilled at first with a crawling pace and then so fast that she could do nothing to slow the torrent of tears.
She cried her heart out and muttered apology after apology to the godfather who had lost the same as her and more.
Gene was at her side, kneeling in front of the TV set, before he could give himself a chance to think about it he had her cradled in his arms.
He slowly lifted her up as he stood and carried her to the two seater sofa. Though there was adequate space for them to sit side by side he kept her in his lap and allowed her to cry into his chest.
Like so many times in Gene's life, he was at a loss for the right thing to say, so he did as he always did. He kept tight lipped and pouted as he soothingly ran his hand up and down her back in an act he hoped was calming.
It was almost with relief that they were interrupted by Alex. Molly extracted herself from his hold to race to her mother's side, receiving all the comfort she required from her, leaving him to ponder why he was feeling so disappointed.
Gene needed to be needed, it was an addiction. It did not wash away the damage already done after years on the beat, but for a moment it was like he was released from the burden of everything he had seen and done.
He could not say he was all that keen on hugging people or being a convenient shoulder to cry on, but just like with Alex, Molly made him feel as though it was a gift to be able to take care of someone, especially when it was rare to be needed by two people usually so strong and independent. They allowed him to believe it would not be just him forever getting through the day until he either drowned in whiskey or was beaten down on the job by an enemy he had collected on the way.
.*.
Alex gave Gene a grateful smile over her shoulder, her damp curls bouncing as she turned to lead Molly into her bedroom.
"What happened? In our time, I mean 2008," Alex asked, a nervous tremor betraying her composed features as she gave into the most terrifying question about the altering of her daughter's real-life to this more detailed impression of one.
"You died." Molly said it so simply that it was obviously the most important part of the whole story for her. "Evan was acting like everything was normal, even though it wasn't. He wouldn't talk about you. He would never leave me on my own, not for the first few weeks anyway." Molly spoke softly, her voice still broken by little hiccups. "Dad wanted me to live with him in Canada. Evan fought for custody, but we lost. Judy wanted us to be a little family away from London," she grumbled bitterly.
Dropping a night shirt on the bed for Molly, Alex sat down and took her hand into hers. "He only wanted to do what he thought was for the best."
"I didn't want to go... or stay, not without you. The book you were writing, I read it. The notes, recordings, they made me feel like I was closer to you. I thought maybe if Sam's world was real I'd be happy there and that maybe you'd be there too."
The implication of what her daughter had done on the off chance that they could be together again consumed her with disorientating emotions. "No! Molly, no," Alex's eyes sparked with unshed tears. "Please don't say you..."
"It worked though!" Molly replied in her defence.
Alex pulled her daughter to her, so she could hide her tears and the terror that filled her eyes at the lengths her daughter had gone to just to find a way to be with her. "It might not have," she whispered. "You could have lost everything."
"I had everything to gain," Molly said with an unwavering certainty.
.*.
It was late and the half moon was accompanied by a scattering of stars, together their gentle light cast shadows over the room.
Alex laid with her head on the pillow next to Molly's. Watching her daughter sleep without a care was a pleasure she had been denied for such a long time that it made the simple act feel all the more treasured.
Considering how Gene usually knocked, the tap on the bedroom door was out of character since it was only just loud enough to pull Alex back to the here and now without scaring her half to death in the process.
A flop of dirty blond hair peeked around the gap at the doorway. Alex gave Gene a warm and encouraging smile in return to his concerned expression.
"Is she alright?" his northern accent a mere grumbling whisper.
Alex nodded. "Out like a light." She stroked her daughter's hair from her cheek with motherly affection.
"Did Molly say what happened?" Gene asked carefully.
"Yeah. Her Dad was going to take her to live in Canada. Permanently. I didn't even know she was in the country." Alex let the truths mingle with white lies, it was easier that way. "She's staying with me." She half smiled at him.
Gene looked pass Alex to Molly, he moved further into the room to see her looking small and delicate in Alex's over sized bed. "They didn't hurt her, did they?" He did not take his eyes off Molly's body tucked neatly under thick covers.
Alex's smile bloomed. He cared about her daughter and not in a 'Police Officer wanting a statement, case closed' sort of concern. He genuinely looked pained by the thought that anyone would dare to hurt someone so fragile and innocent. It made her want to call him so many sweet things, even though all of them would embarrass him. "Gene..."
He could read her so easily these days that he caught on to the softness in her eyes at the same time it escaped into the way she said his name. "Don't breathe a word." It had been bad enough that over previous weeks half the station had come to see Alex was his weak spot, the little broken link in his armour.
"I won't," she replied with a teasing smirk and a shake of her head, her eyes glinting devilishly. "But you are the sweetest, most-"
With two strides he was by the bed, towering above her. "Quit the nancy stuff." Gene said gruffly, pressing his callous finger tip to the angelic bow of her pink lips.
Her moist lips vibrated against his skin trying to get out a word of endearment until she slipped into almost silent giggles at his determinedly fixed frown. His blue eyes shined boyishly back at her, his pout softening his frowning brow. "Adorable" crept into her list about what a kind and decent man he was.
He should have corrected her, Gene Hunt was not 'adorable' he was as hard as nails, a tough old bastard, but he stupidly looked into the eyes he had never truly been able to decide the colour of, hazel, sea green, no matter what he was lost in their depths within seconds. He could feel the pull of her gaze, his eyes desperately wanting to flicker down to see the plumpness of her slightly parted lips as she wetted them with her pink tongue.
"Now you have Molly back does that mean you are, you know going?" His words were cautious, a whisper, trying not reveal too much of himself in one go. The bed springs dipped as he sat down next to her, unable to hold her gaze for fear of his uncertain being revealed.
"If an illusion is all I have, then it is all I want. I am staying for the illusion." She smiled unexpectedly. "You have no idea what I am talking about, but that's okay."
Gene scowled "So you're staying?"
"Yes," she said with a shake of almost dry curls.
"For good?"
She looked at Molly sleeping serenely and down at her hand resting on the bed so close to Gene's. "Everything I want is right here. It is more than I ever dreamed of. I'm staying." She closed her eyes and silently said goodbye to Evan. "This is home now," Alex said with confidence and smiled adoringly into Gene's eyes when he took a hold of her hand.
"Do you remember that note I got?" she said with a nervous air.
His brow creased slightly. "You've had a few recently."
"The one about this woman you supposedly love."
"Oh her!" He spoke as though he had only just caught on to the conversation. "I dare say you've met her." He observed as Alex's smile faltered and dimmed in confusion. "She's a bloody liability half the time, a proper little Miss Fruitcake. Pimm's on the lawn and all that."
His words did not come easily and he had never even considered he would bare all to Alex in front of her sleeping daughter, unknowing that he was about to confess his soul with a phrase so simple, so over used, but the only words he knew how to articulate his feelings with.
His brow was knotted, his palms clammy, his tongue felt heavy in his mouth, but he said it. "For some unfathomable reason I love this gobby cow. Even with her determination to have the last word, I love her..." He breathed deeply. "I love you, always have."
"Shut up. I love you too." Alex smiled, and the longing and sorrow that had consumed the space in the depths of her eyes was replaced by something bright, something that sparkled with its intensity. She was finally free of the darkness.
She kissed him. Gently pulled him towards the sweet union of their lips, without caution she labelled him as hers.
He pushed her down into the cushions, his mouth smiling against hers as Gene sipped at her champagne lips. Her body hummed with delight at his weight pressing her into the mattress, his body like warm electricity against every curve as his hand explored the dip of her waist, the gentle curvature of her ribs and the tantalising swell of her breast.
He pulled back with a groan, removing his hands to hold himself hovering above her. Alex's hand tangled into the baby soft hairs at the back of his neck, tugging gently to bring him back to her. Instead of letting her capture his mouth he dropped his face into the arch of her neck, his lips moving against the supple skin as he spoke. "I want to. God I want you, but I'm not sure I'm that good at controlling myself."
Alex laughed breathlessly into his hair. "You're right, just this once you're right," she said, pressing her lips into his hair line, his blond hair tickling her cheek.
He shuffled about on the bed so he could rearrange the pillows. "Come here." He pulled her to him as he settled into the nest of cushions, his arms holding her close as though he was scared of losing her. "Go to sleep."
She tilted her head back to look up at the sleepiness in his eyes and found his love for her uncovered. "Kiss me goodnight?" she asked, her voice crackled and tight with emotions.
"Can't get enough," he mumbled. He kissed her lips with a delicate brush and pressed down on them firmly as she responded with equal care to his touch. He sighed into her mouth as she opened beneath him and for a few seconds he indulged the deepening of the kiss, "I love you." He grinned foolishly. "But you will be the death of me. Sleep." He pressed another kiss to her forehead, the sensation lingering.
"Yes, sir! Love you too, Si-" His chest rumbled as he chuckled at her incapability to finish a sentence due to an unruly yawn.
'I am staying for the illusion.' He smiled contently to himself, she was staying for him.
The End
Author: Jess_Who
Fandom: Ashes To Ashes
Pairings: Alex, Gene, CID, Molly, etc
Rating: 12A (Rating may change)
Disclaimer: Only a fan, not the owner.. :'(
Spoilers: None really. Set in 1982
Note: hank you for all you kind comment and to all those who took the time to read my story. Dedicated to my beta'd Rantandrumour, because she is amazing!!
Chapter 10: The Cat
Chapter 11: Little Girl
Chapter 12: She Ran
Chapter 13: Let The Girl Save The Day
....A2A...A2A....
Final Chaper
Gene let his body sink into the familiar sofa with its black and white stripes, his feet automatically coming to rest on the coffee table.
"It's been a long day," Gene commented unnecessarily as he watched Molly surveying the room, picking up every little knick-knack she happened to come across.
"Yeah," she said absentmindedly.
"You wanna talk about what happened, or do you want your Mum here?" he asked, nodding in the direction of the bathroom where Alex was undoubtedly scrubbing herself clean of the day under a stream of hot water.
"I don't remember much," Molly said uneasily. "I was feeling ill so I skipped French. I was on my way home..." She allowed the sentence to fall short, not sure of what she ought to tell him.
She could hardly tell him that in real time her mother had been dead a month the day she ran out of school, because she just could not do it anymore, could not pretend she was fine.
"I woke up and everything was so different. I didn't know where I was. I was just standing in the middle of the street when the van came..."
She certainly could not tell him she was from the future, where he was just a name in a dead man's file and the only person she had left was Evan...her godfather!
She froze mid-step, her breath hitching as the grief she had both caused and now felt for him overwhelmed her and spilled at first with a crawling pace and then so fast that she could do nothing to slow the torrent of tears.
She cried her heart out and muttered apology after apology to the godfather who had lost the same as her and more.
Gene was at her side, kneeling in front of the TV set, before he could give himself a chance to think about it he had her cradled in his arms.
He slowly lifted her up as he stood and carried her to the two seater sofa. Though there was adequate space for them to sit side by side he kept her in his lap and allowed her to cry into his chest.
Like so many times in Gene's life, he was at a loss for the right thing to say, so he did as he always did. He kept tight lipped and pouted as he soothingly ran his hand up and down her back in an act he hoped was calming.
It was almost with relief that they were interrupted by Alex. Molly extracted herself from his hold to race to her mother's side, receiving all the comfort she required from her, leaving him to ponder why he was feeling so disappointed.
Gene needed to be needed, it was an addiction. It did not wash away the damage already done after years on the beat, but for a moment it was like he was released from the burden of everything he had seen and done.
He could not say he was all that keen on hugging people or being a convenient shoulder to cry on, but just like with Alex, Molly made him feel as though it was a gift to be able to take care of someone, especially when it was rare to be needed by two people usually so strong and independent. They allowed him to believe it would not be just him forever getting through the day until he either drowned in whiskey or was beaten down on the job by an enemy he had collected on the way.
.*.
Alex gave Gene a grateful smile over her shoulder, her damp curls bouncing as she turned to lead Molly into her bedroom.
"What happened? In our time, I mean 2008," Alex asked, a nervous tremor betraying her composed features as she gave into the most terrifying question about the altering of her daughter's real-life to this more detailed impression of one.
"You died." Molly said it so simply that it was obviously the most important part of the whole story for her. "Evan was acting like everything was normal, even though it wasn't. He wouldn't talk about you. He would never leave me on my own, not for the first few weeks anyway." Molly spoke softly, her voice still broken by little hiccups. "Dad wanted me to live with him in Canada. Evan fought for custody, but we lost. Judy wanted us to be a little family away from London," she grumbled bitterly.
Dropping a night shirt on the bed for Molly, Alex sat down and took her hand into hers. "He only wanted to do what he thought was for the best."
"I didn't want to go... or stay, not without you. The book you were writing, I read it. The notes, recordings, they made me feel like I was closer to you. I thought maybe if Sam's world was real I'd be happy there and that maybe you'd be there too."
The implication of what her daughter had done on the off chance that they could be together again consumed her with disorientating emotions. "No! Molly, no," Alex's eyes sparked with unshed tears. "Please don't say you..."
"It worked though!" Molly replied in her defence.
Alex pulled her daughter to her, so she could hide her tears and the terror that filled her eyes at the lengths her daughter had gone to just to find a way to be with her. "It might not have," she whispered. "You could have lost everything."
"I had everything to gain," Molly said with an unwavering certainty.
.*.
It was late and the half moon was accompanied by a scattering of stars, together their gentle light cast shadows over the room.
Alex laid with her head on the pillow next to Molly's. Watching her daughter sleep without a care was a pleasure she had been denied for such a long time that it made the simple act feel all the more treasured.
Considering how Gene usually knocked, the tap on the bedroom door was out of character since it was only just loud enough to pull Alex back to the here and now without scaring her half to death in the process.
A flop of dirty blond hair peeked around the gap at the doorway. Alex gave Gene a warm and encouraging smile in return to his concerned expression.
"Is she alright?" his northern accent a mere grumbling whisper.
Alex nodded. "Out like a light." She stroked her daughter's hair from her cheek with motherly affection.
"Did Molly say what happened?" Gene asked carefully.
"Yeah. Her Dad was going to take her to live in Canada. Permanently. I didn't even know she was in the country." Alex let the truths mingle with white lies, it was easier that way. "She's staying with me." She half smiled at him.
Gene looked pass Alex to Molly, he moved further into the room to see her looking small and delicate in Alex's over sized bed. "They didn't hurt her, did they?" He did not take his eyes off Molly's body tucked neatly under thick covers.
Alex's smile bloomed. He cared about her daughter and not in a 'Police Officer wanting a statement, case closed' sort of concern. He genuinely looked pained by the thought that anyone would dare to hurt someone so fragile and innocent. It made her want to call him so many sweet things, even though all of them would embarrass him. "Gene..."
He could read her so easily these days that he caught on to the softness in her eyes at the same time it escaped into the way she said his name. "Don't breathe a word." It had been bad enough that over previous weeks half the station had come to see Alex was his weak spot, the little broken link in his armour.
"I won't," she replied with a teasing smirk and a shake of her head, her eyes glinting devilishly. "But you are the sweetest, most-"
With two strides he was by the bed, towering above her. "Quit the nancy stuff." Gene said gruffly, pressing his callous finger tip to the angelic bow of her pink lips.
Her moist lips vibrated against his skin trying to get out a word of endearment until she slipped into almost silent giggles at his determinedly fixed frown. His blue eyes shined boyishly back at her, his pout softening his frowning brow. "Adorable" crept into her list about what a kind and decent man he was.
He should have corrected her, Gene Hunt was not 'adorable' he was as hard as nails, a tough old bastard, but he stupidly looked into the eyes he had never truly been able to decide the colour of, hazel, sea green, no matter what he was lost in their depths within seconds. He could feel the pull of her gaze, his eyes desperately wanting to flicker down to see the plumpness of her slightly parted lips as she wetted them with her pink tongue.
"Now you have Molly back does that mean you are, you know going?" His words were cautious, a whisper, trying not reveal too much of himself in one go. The bed springs dipped as he sat down next to her, unable to hold her gaze for fear of his uncertain being revealed.
"If an illusion is all I have, then it is all I want. I am staying for the illusion." She smiled unexpectedly. "You have no idea what I am talking about, but that's okay."
Gene scowled "So you're staying?"
"Yes," she said with a shake of almost dry curls.
"For good?"
She looked at Molly sleeping serenely and down at her hand resting on the bed so close to Gene's. "Everything I want is right here. It is more than I ever dreamed of. I'm staying." She closed her eyes and silently said goodbye to Evan. "This is home now," Alex said with confidence and smiled adoringly into Gene's eyes when he took a hold of her hand.
"Do you remember that note I got?" she said with a nervous air.
His brow creased slightly. "You've had a few recently."
"The one about this woman you supposedly love."
"Oh her!" He spoke as though he had only just caught on to the conversation. "I dare say you've met her." He observed as Alex's smile faltered and dimmed in confusion. "She's a bloody liability half the time, a proper little Miss Fruitcake. Pimm's on the lawn and all that."
His words did not come easily and he had never even considered he would bare all to Alex in front of her sleeping daughter, unknowing that he was about to confess his soul with a phrase so simple, so over used, but the only words he knew how to articulate his feelings with.
His brow was knotted, his palms clammy, his tongue felt heavy in his mouth, but he said it. "For some unfathomable reason I love this gobby cow. Even with her determination to have the last word, I love her..." He breathed deeply. "I love you, always have."
"Shut up. I love you too." Alex smiled, and the longing and sorrow that had consumed the space in the depths of her eyes was replaced by something bright, something that sparkled with its intensity. She was finally free of the darkness.
She kissed him. Gently pulled him towards the sweet union of their lips, without caution she labelled him as hers.
He pushed her down into the cushions, his mouth smiling against hers as Gene sipped at her champagne lips. Her body hummed with delight at his weight pressing her into the mattress, his body like warm electricity against every curve as his hand explored the dip of her waist, the gentle curvature of her ribs and the tantalising swell of her breast.
He pulled back with a groan, removing his hands to hold himself hovering above her. Alex's hand tangled into the baby soft hairs at the back of his neck, tugging gently to bring him back to her. Instead of letting her capture his mouth he dropped his face into the arch of her neck, his lips moving against the supple skin as he spoke. "I want to. God I want you, but I'm not sure I'm that good at controlling myself."
Alex laughed breathlessly into his hair. "You're right, just this once you're right," she said, pressing her lips into his hair line, his blond hair tickling her cheek.
He shuffled about on the bed so he could rearrange the pillows. "Come here." He pulled her to him as he settled into the nest of cushions, his arms holding her close as though he was scared of losing her. "Go to sleep."
She tilted her head back to look up at the sleepiness in his eyes and found his love for her uncovered. "Kiss me goodnight?" she asked, her voice crackled and tight with emotions.
"Can't get enough," he mumbled. He kissed her lips with a delicate brush and pressed down on them firmly as she responded with equal care to his touch. He sighed into her mouth as she opened beneath him and for a few seconds he indulged the deepening of the kiss, "I love you." He grinned foolishly. "But you will be the death of me. Sleep." He pressed another kiss to her forehead, the sensation lingering.
"Yes, sir! Love you too, Si-" His chest rumbled as he chuckled at her incapability to finish a sentence due to an unruly yawn.
'I am staying for the illusion.' He smiled contently to himself, she was staying for him.
The End