wow

[jess_onthe_edge]

it's been over a year since i've used this thing..took a while to remember the password. i don't think anyone reads this anymore, which is mostly why i'm posting here. i need to get it out but don't really want it read. i'm starting to think that maybe it's me that has changed. i get upset at people more easily than i used to, i seem to be losing my temper and losing my tolerance. i think, somewhere, somehow, i decided i was tired of being used. maybe that was part of my coping mechanism from living alone..because i was physically alone i became more emotionally so as well..i don't know. i just know that the people i used to be able to tell everything to, i feel the need to keep my mouth shut around now..in fact, the only person i've really been able to talk to lately is my aunt, and i'm sure she's sick of hearing about my problems. i thought moving in with michael would be better, but i think i was wrong. it's still pretty much like i live alone, except someone else is eating my food. it's not so much that i mind the being alone part, i'm used to that, i just don't really know what to do with the being a second rate friend thing, to everyone...i can't say anything about it, because i wouldn't know what to say. and i'm the bad guy for being hurt.
and while i'm ranting, i hate my job more every day. and i hate that i hate my job. i used to love my job. i really do think something's wrong with me. i have no tolerance for the people that used to mean the world to me and that scares me.