another fucking monday
in regard to last week. man, what a week it was. good times and bad times.
bad times include: 2 days ISS and the creepy people that go along with it, mandatory parent/teacher conference in the classes i'm failing, a few hours of sleep every night, my mom being all up in my business, so much pressure to try harder in school, when school is the last thing on my mind, not being able to go to the bad fish/sublime tribute show or bruce's show.
good times include: drinking and hanging out with lindsey! drinking and hanging out with este and the norm, meeting squirrel, hanging out with drew, meeting hot dudes at beefs and exchanging numbers (i swear, i've met more guys there than anywhere), work.
so many little things have been getting on my nerves lately. and everything has been reminding me of Cody and my constant need for his presence in my life, especially at a time like this, where everything seems like it's falling apart quickly. and graduation is a little more than one semester away and i have no idea what i'm doing. fuck. i just can't wait until next semester, i'm getting switched out of ap euro & analysis of functions so i'll have a much lighter schedule. hell yeah.
in two of my classes today, for some reason we got on the subject of dying/death/cemetaries/unfulfilled dreams and how the dash between a birth date and death date represents everything that a person did in the time they were on earth and i couldn't take it anymore, because all i could think about was Cody Cody Cody and how much i love and miss him and how in 2 months it will be a year we've been separated and how fucking long that seems, when i still have a whole lifetime to live without him. the longest we ever went without seeing each other was probably 3 weeks, even that was unberable. i'm fucking done trying to deal with everything. i don't want to be angry because Cody died, and i don't want to cry anymore. it wears me out. it's just so hard because he feels like a vague memory, and i hate that feeling. and i hate god. and i can't stop feeling this way.
bad times include: 2 days ISS and the creepy people that go along with it, mandatory parent/teacher conference in the classes i'm failing, a few hours of sleep every night, my mom being all up in my business, so much pressure to try harder in school, when school is the last thing on my mind, not being able to go to the bad fish/sublime tribute show or bruce's show.
good times include: drinking and hanging out with lindsey! drinking and hanging out with este and the norm, meeting squirrel, hanging out with drew, meeting hot dudes at beefs and exchanging numbers (i swear, i've met more guys there than anywhere), work.
so many little things have been getting on my nerves lately. and everything has been reminding me of Cody and my constant need for his presence in my life, especially at a time like this, where everything seems like it's falling apart quickly. and graduation is a little more than one semester away and i have no idea what i'm doing. fuck. i just can't wait until next semester, i'm getting switched out of ap euro & analysis of functions so i'll have a much lighter schedule. hell yeah.
in two of my classes today, for some reason we got on the subject of dying/death/cemetaries/unfulfilled dreams and how the dash between a birth date and death date represents everything that a person did in the time they were on earth and i couldn't take it anymore, because all i could think about was Cody Cody Cody and how much i love and miss him and how in 2 months it will be a year we've been separated and how fucking long that seems, when i still have a whole lifetime to live without him. the longest we ever went without seeing each other was probably 3 weeks, even that was unberable. i'm fucking done trying to deal with everything. i don't want to be angry because Cody died, and i don't want to cry anymore. it wears me out. it's just so hard because he feels like a vague memory, and i hate that feeling. and i hate god. and i can't stop feeling this way.