not okay
i won the pumpkin carving contest, like i said i would.
today i made $70 at work. i definitely was not supposed to work for so long, but it was so busy that i couldn't get off. but i could use the money. i made over $150 this weekend. nice. i need to start buying christmas presents. what do you want lindsey?
oh my god, i just remembered i have to take the SAT next saturday. fuck. shit. damn, i don't want to take it. most of all i don't want to have to wake up that early.
i'm not happy about things in general right now. actually i'm very restless and frustrated. i feel like screaming at alot of people. i just want to have everything come easy in life. i don't want to have to worry about the future, about deadlines, qualifications, finances....... collede. i fucking hate everything superficial. i want to hit bottom so hard. i just want to give up on everything thats ever defined what i am and what my purpose is in life. i want to lose everything just so i can start fresh and build something new, and better. i could never actually hit bottom though. i can only imagine how wonderful it must feel to actually hit bottom, and know that you are worth nothing, so then everything is meaningless. i'm in such a Fight Club mood right now as you can see. i just want to be Marla. i don't want to try anymore. i want to not care about anything, i want to have fun. i want more time. theres never enough time. i really want to find something meaningful, maybe that will change my mind about hitting bottom.
am i being irrational?
on a side note, Saw ll was crazy.
on another side not, i fucking hate my mom. i guess kaylie was right, i am a cold hearted bitch. it's really rare that i love anyone. i don't love easily. Cody was the only person that i fully loved with all my heart. Cody's dad, my uncle lee, he has been more of a father to me and i love him so much for that. i love my aunt tracey because she is the most giving person you will ever meet. and i love my cousins, mandi & molly because they are so cute and innocent. alot of people aren't worth the time, or they annoy me. i definitely loved Cody more than my mom though. now that i think about it, i really hate god too for taking Cody away from me after only 16 years together. anyone but Cody should've died in that accident. 16 years is nothing compared to a lifetime. i don't even want to think about the fact that in 3 months it will be one year since i last saw Cody. i feel like shit.
today i made $70 at work. i definitely was not supposed to work for so long, but it was so busy that i couldn't get off. but i could use the money. i made over $150 this weekend. nice. i need to start buying christmas presents. what do you want lindsey?
oh my god, i just remembered i have to take the SAT next saturday. fuck. shit. damn, i don't want to take it. most of all i don't want to have to wake up that early.
i'm not happy about things in general right now. actually i'm very restless and frustrated. i feel like screaming at alot of people. i just want to have everything come easy in life. i don't want to have to worry about the future, about deadlines, qualifications, finances....... collede. i fucking hate everything superficial. i want to hit bottom so hard. i just want to give up on everything thats ever defined what i am and what my purpose is in life. i want to lose everything just so i can start fresh and build something new, and better. i could never actually hit bottom though. i can only imagine how wonderful it must feel to actually hit bottom, and know that you are worth nothing, so then everything is meaningless. i'm in such a Fight Club mood right now as you can see. i just want to be Marla. i don't want to try anymore. i want to not care about anything, i want to have fun. i want more time. theres never enough time. i really want to find something meaningful, maybe that will change my mind about hitting bottom.
am i being irrational?
on a side note, Saw ll was crazy.
on another side not, i fucking hate my mom. i guess kaylie was right, i am a cold hearted bitch. it's really rare that i love anyone. i don't love easily. Cody was the only person that i fully loved with all my heart. Cody's dad, my uncle lee, he has been more of a father to me and i love him so much for that. i love my aunt tracey because she is the most giving person you will ever meet. and i love my cousins, mandi & molly because they are so cute and innocent. alot of people aren't worth the time, or they annoy me. i definitely loved Cody more than my mom though. now that i think about it, i really hate god too for taking Cody away from me after only 16 years together. anyone but Cody should've died in that accident. 16 years is nothing compared to a lifetime. i don't even want to think about the fact that in 3 months it will be one year since i last saw Cody. i feel like shit.