Old Memories
Things have progressed with Corey-- I can't say for better or for worse.
Technically we began as friends where Corey and I milled around and talked for a while at Silas and Jana's wedding. He took me to a bar where we had hot chocolate and talked. He bought me dinner and took me up Fickle Hill, to the End of the World, to see the stars. I let him hold me, and then he kissed me.
I learned he was on rebound. And when he came over to study, I asked Maria to come to my rescue. Later that evening when I walked him to the car, I told him that I thought he was rebounding. He apologized, and told me he wanted to keep things only friendly, to which I agreed.
And then, I hung out with him at his house. He kissed me, and I held back, saying that we shouldn't. He agreed, but I confessed I wanted to let go. We agreed that we'd hold nothing back for 20 minutes. Twenty minutes turned into all night.
I visited Corey at work and stayed the night with him at Seth and Jo's. We deprived Jo of a bed as we were playing around. I cleaned her sheets and made her bed. Corey had only asked me to throw them in the washer. He was pleased.
I gave my virginity to Corey. I asked him if he'd put a condom on. I smiled, I gave in, I came, I cried a little.
I knew we we're only friends, though I've told him I like him more than friends. He says it's not my fault.
He's cried in my arms. Twice. Once was at Seth's and Jo's when I told him that Holly made a mistake. Today because his father has a specific cancer.
I love Corey. I can't tell him that even if he won't run, because he doesn't love me. And yet I did.
I wrote him a song to tell him I loved him. "It's okay to cry in my arms tonight. I can't say it'll all be right tonight. So I'll hold you if I may. I know it's hard to face the day. But I want you to hear me say that I love you."
He heard the song as he held me and started to cry. He loved me, but not in the same way. We cried. He led me home, held me, cried, and told me what things were going to be like. Bedplay would stop. He'd still see me, hold me, and give me a friendly kiss upon occasion. But everything else would stop-- he'd feel guilty for a long time.
He said I could stay in his room, but he wouldn't stay with me. I told him I'd rather be alone in my own bed than stay there without him.
He took me home, but I went and stayed with Silas and Jana, and didn't go to class the next day.
I made myself look for Silas at a Circus rehearsal after I talked to Emily. But he wasn't there, and neither was Corey. I headed home, looking out over the parking lot -- and noticed Corey's car -- and Corey walking slowly from the canyon towards it. His head was down, hands in his pockets.
I called to him, and he stopped. I told him where I was, and he headed back up. He wrapped me in a hug.
We spoke. He said that he was sorry, and that he spoke hastily. We went to dinner, crashed at his place, came back together, slept deeply.
"I'm with you, and you're with me."
And I am now his lover, his girlfriend and his friend. Thank god.
You may fall in love with someone else today, but I will always love you anyway.
Technically we began as friends where Corey and I milled around and talked for a while at Silas and Jana's wedding. He took me to a bar where we had hot chocolate and talked. He bought me dinner and took me up Fickle Hill, to the End of the World, to see the stars. I let him hold me, and then he kissed me.
I learned he was on rebound. And when he came over to study, I asked Maria to come to my rescue. Later that evening when I walked him to the car, I told him that I thought he was rebounding. He apologized, and told me he wanted to keep things only friendly, to which I agreed.
And then, I hung out with him at his house. He kissed me, and I held back, saying that we shouldn't. He agreed, but I confessed I wanted to let go. We agreed that we'd hold nothing back for 20 minutes. Twenty minutes turned into all night.
I visited Corey at work and stayed the night with him at Seth and Jo's. We deprived Jo of a bed as we were playing around. I cleaned her sheets and made her bed. Corey had only asked me to throw them in the washer. He was pleased.
I gave my virginity to Corey. I asked him if he'd put a condom on. I smiled, I gave in, I came, I cried a little.
I knew we we're only friends, though I've told him I like him more than friends. He says it's not my fault.
He's cried in my arms. Twice. Once was at Seth's and Jo's when I told him that Holly made a mistake. Today because his father has a specific cancer.
I love Corey. I can't tell him that even if he won't run, because he doesn't love me. And yet I did.
I wrote him a song to tell him I loved him. "It's okay to cry in my arms tonight. I can't say it'll all be right tonight. So I'll hold you if I may. I know it's hard to face the day. But I want you to hear me say that I love you."
He heard the song as he held me and started to cry. He loved me, but not in the same way. We cried. He led me home, held me, cried, and told me what things were going to be like. Bedplay would stop. He'd still see me, hold me, and give me a friendly kiss upon occasion. But everything else would stop-- he'd feel guilty for a long time.
He said I could stay in his room, but he wouldn't stay with me. I told him I'd rather be alone in my own bed than stay there without him.
He took me home, but I went and stayed with Silas and Jana, and didn't go to class the next day.
I made myself look for Silas at a Circus rehearsal after I talked to Emily. But he wasn't there, and neither was Corey. I headed home, looking out over the parking lot -- and noticed Corey's car -- and Corey walking slowly from the canyon towards it. His head was down, hands in his pockets.
I called to him, and he stopped. I told him where I was, and he headed back up. He wrapped me in a hug.
We spoke. He said that he was sorry, and that he spoke hastily. We went to dinner, crashed at his place, came back together, slept deeply.
"I'm with you, and you're with me."
And I am now his lover, his girlfriend and his friend. Thank god.
You may fall in love with someone else today, but I will always love you anyway.