(no subject)
So the past couple weeks have been kinda weird for me. I found out a couple weeks ago my grandma, who along with my uncle are probably the only two members of my family who actually understand and completely accept me, has lung cancer. Although I've never seen her smoke, apparently all my grandparents did from the 40's until the 80's when me and my brother were born and my mom made them quit or threatened they would never see their grandkids. Which probably explains why they're all getting cancer. I was pretty wrecked when I found out and thank G-d I have the most loving, understanding friends in the world, or else I'd probably still be crying hysterically. Anyway, the reason I'm mentioning this is my grandma had her surgery today to remove one of her lungs. I got a call from my mom saying she was ok, there aren't any breathing tubes or respirators like they thought she was gonna need, which is good. But also while they were in there the doctor found more cancer on her windpipe so they had to remove some of that too, which was unexpected since she had a biopsy two weeks ago on her throat and the nodules were benign. But he says he's pretty sure he got in all, even though she's still gonna need chemo and possibly some radiation. I'm going to see her after work today, and to be honest I'm terrified. My grandma is without a doubt the matriarch of our family, the rock that we all gather our strength from. I can't imagine seeing her this way, or how hard its gonna be seeing her go through chemo and radiation. And then I think what a selfish bitch I am for thinking about how I'M gonna deal with this and not how my grandma will get through it. Meh, I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. Guess I should get back to work.