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[jess3duh]

so i know this isnt a good idea to write all this since this is a public journal.
but oh well i guess. this past week has been horrible.
scottie has a girlfriend.
drugs cant get off my mind.
i have to wait a year and 5 months for the boy of my dreams.
scotty lives like an hour away, so i dont get to see him.
i cant honestly say i hat my younger sister more than anyone else on the fucking planet.
and i know im the worst big sister ever. and i really dont give a shit. mean, i know. i dont care.
since drugs are on my mind.
and more and more and more drug oppurtunities are coming up,
i cant help but think of death from those drugs.
im honestly not scared of death AT ALL.
not at all.
im scared of how my death would possibly effect my family.
and friends.
and whoever does care about me.
thats it.

yea. idk.
im in such a deep thinking mode.
the drugs open to me can kill me in 30 minutes.
i talked to "big brother" eric about it. and he said its not worth it.
joshy says "no no no no no drugs sweetie"
scotty wants me to stop drugs.

i dont know what to do.
these days i want to do drugs more than ever and not care what happens.

<|3