comments welcome
dear studio audience,
so here is how i play...i try to pick my spots...my spots to bet big...my spots to bluff...my spots to slow play...my spots to gamble.
i don't like to play with a lot of players...too many hands...and i'm not good at reading people...
i like the smaller mind games...i rarely play it straight...i try to keep one step ahead...
i dont play every hand...and the hands that i do play i don't always play right.
example...pocket 4s on the big blind...a min raise and a couple of callers to me and i call it. flop comes out AK4 rainbow...i like it...and i think i know what to do with it...i bet...not too much...but something that looks to be asking 'where am i at in the hand?' just one caller...nice...i've got a player. next card out is another A...still confident...only hands beating me are aces, kings, AK or A and the case 4...but i want to act scared...weak...so i check...but go figure...so does my opponent. river: 3...ok...harmless...same number of hands beating me...and this time i'm not playing slow...i bet...about as much as before...this is a callable bet. but...it's still too much and the other player mucks the hand. and i'm asked "did you have the flush?" a glance at the board says the last 2 were running suits and put 3 on the board...
wait...so why do i think i played it wrong??
why did i slow up? why didn't i just take it down on the turn? i could have won the pot right there...the exact same amount as i won in the end...and not seen the flush at the end. instead i got someone interested and went for the big bait instead of taking it in smaller strides...
that's my problem...i'm always looking big picture...
i'm always looking ahead...wanting more...when i should just be raking in the pots as they come...
because when i play...i don't always have the nuts...but i act like i do...and sometimes...i get caught...and that's a tough feeling...
so maybe i'm a little too loose...maybe i need to play tighter...but that's not always the answer...
i've gotta play consistent...and i'm not too good at that...i mix it up too much...always looking for an edge...
well, don't you see? i'm the narrator and this is just a prologue...
but i feel young...
ps -
so this is me...
stumbling over words...
because the words are not pure...
i don't know how to write them exactly as i feel...
but is it a problem with not knowing the words...
or a problem with not knowing how i feel...
i wouldn't be surprised if both were true...
i can learn the words...
i choose not to learn them...
but can i learn how to know what i feel...
is it an interpretive action or one that is instinctive...
is it one that i have too many feelings or none at all...
or do i have the feelings but just as much trouble believing them...
do i possess the esteem to hold confidence in my contributions...
or do i lack inner strength to let myself enjoy that benefit...
i speak of too many...
suggesting conflict or incoherence...
are the feelings wrong or is it my logic...
if its my logic there than so should be my logic here...
leading back to the feeling of wrong feelings...
so what i feel shall not be true if indeed i do have feelings that i believe...that aren't too limited or quantified...that are anchored within myself...in my head...in my heart...without letting anyone else guide me...this is what i'm left with.
so go the thoughts in my head
so go the thoughts in my head
so go the thoughts in my head
so go the thoughts in my head
so go the thoughts in my head
the 'my' is the key...it means it is anchored within myself...only true if i don't believe it...false if i hold it as truth...
i eat, choke, drink, drown, breathe, suffocate, live, die, love, hate, understand, confuse, believe and reject this paradox...me...