i've been avoiding you...but here we are...face to screen...
since this morning, i've been battling over an idea that i can't seem to shake...i'm a quitter...now...i know what you're thinking...you're anything but a quitter...but hear me out.i get way over my head so often it's not even funny. but why does that happen?? why am i constantly playing catch up? well...i'm always keeping myself busy. i've always got my mind on multiple tasks and how i'm going to manage them. for instance, right now...as i ramble in this text box, i'm also wondering about whether or not i should play poker tonight...all the things i need to do before next weeks free poker tourney...what i need to study for this weekend...how i might release this frustration that i've been building up for way too long now...and about how i wish i were less like myself.so why am i so busy? stretched? it's because i choose to live my life that way. that way if anything goes wrong...no...when something goes wrong...i can just blame it on the fact that i'm too stretched out. and thats how i'm a quitter. thats why i'm constantly losing faith in myself... thats why i can't shake this notion...because it has too much truth in it.i've said it before and i'll say it again...my life is a constant battle of up's and down's...but who am i to get all hurt over it...everyone has their ups and downs...you're no different...you're not special...and you should just stop whining about it...After class today...i dropped my car off to get it's oil changed...first one's free...and peter remembered my from all his interactions with my dad...so i felt comfortable. I took the shuttle home...i made it there just in time to see a dhl truck sitting in front of my house. my laptop was delivered...new backlight for the lcd...new cdrw lens...new left mouse button...everything i asked for. maybe i should have asked for my ac adaptor back too...then i might have gotten that back. so i called and they said they'd look into finding it...after admitting that my guess was as good as theirs as to where my power cord might be. i didn't have the energy to argue (rather i had it...but it's already been delegated to my late shift tonight). i'm actually lookin forward to it...i long for solitude and peace within me...void of insecurity, anger and fear. it's okay...let go...stop holding onto it...letting it go doesn't mean you are forgetting...just do what you need to do. let down...that how i've felt...but it's not been evident that i've let anyone down but myself. there's a line...so i'll do what i do best...quit