sooo

[jerzsrfer]

so yea i know i havent updated a lot lately. things have been ok. kind of confusing but its all good. im tryin really hard to jus not let things get to me anymore. the things that used to upset me dont really anymore. or maybe they do...but i just stay quiet about it. i dunno if im happy right now or if its just an illusion. its just because im not really feeling much of anything at all. Its really strange. Like we went to the club on saturday night...and britt ended up with this girl kissin all on her...and i dunno i just wonder why i reacted the way i did. because i was jealous...not because i wanted to be with her or anything. cause we are definetly better friends then we ever would be lovers. but i guess i just wonder what it is that she has that i dont. i mean is it her looks? or her attitude? how confident she looks to other people. (even though i know otherwise). I know i sound really desperate...im not...its not that im really looking for a gf because there were plenty of girls there that i could have talked to. but nobody really caught my eye. weird i guess. sorry for all the rambling. im just tryin to sort out my feelings. and writing helps. i just cant wait until school is over and i can relax. i just need to get out of myrtle beach. im going to visit chelsea. im really excited but a lil nervous too. i guess thats natural. i guess i just dont know what to expect. but i know it will be fun and i know she will cheer me up. i won't lie...i miss having someone in bed with me...someone who will wrap their arms around me and make me feel safe...i miss a lot of things. but i got through it and im proud of myself for that.i guess maybe im stronger then i thought. even though it took me a while.
anyways. i dont have much else to say. soooo peace out.
riss

i used to get lost in your eyes...