i cant...and im sorry
so. i cant fucking do this anymore. this whole thing called life. it sucks. how did things get so bad? i should have known. i should have listened. to my head. instead of my fucking heart. i wish i could just turn it off. all the things that run through my head but i can't. i just can't. i think i can handle things. hearing things. i think i can handle the things that are said. even when they arent meant to hurt...they do. i dont want to hurt anymore and i dont see any other way out. i have to let all this out so im just gonna write...im sorry to whoever reads this...im sorry if it hurts you. if you think it will. just dont read it.
i dont know what else to do
i thought i was doing ok today...had a really conversation with lacey, but even that hurts. had a really good conversation with christina...but she is too nice to have to deal with all the bullshit being friends with me brings people.if you are friends with me you have to deal with too much emotional baggage. all this shit ive put myself through is gonna take a toll on everyone. i cant even have a good conversation with ANYONE without wondering...what could have been...what should have been. and it all comes back to me. it doesnt have to do with anyone else but me. im just too god damn fucking weak to get over things. honestly...im so sick of all the crying. i was ok and then i got pulled back in...everything was going great for a few days and then boom...it was like i didnt even fucking exist. when will i fucking get a clue? realize im the kind of person thats easy to walk all over. when will i wise up? when the fuck will i stop caring so much? some people...they say thats a good thing. well guess what. its not. because people like me. they just end up getting their hearts broken. they end up giving fucking EVERYTHING...and it ends up getting them nowhere. i feel so pathetic...so out of control. i can't control my emotions. i cant do this anymore
im gone.
i dont know what else to do
i thought i was doing ok today...had a really conversation with lacey, but even that hurts. had a really good conversation with christina...but she is too nice to have to deal with all the bullshit being friends with me brings people.if you are friends with me you have to deal with too much emotional baggage. all this shit ive put myself through is gonna take a toll on everyone. i cant even have a good conversation with ANYONE without wondering...what could have been...what should have been. and it all comes back to me. it doesnt have to do with anyone else but me. im just too god damn fucking weak to get over things. honestly...im so sick of all the crying. i was ok and then i got pulled back in...everything was going great for a few days and then boom...it was like i didnt even fucking exist. when will i fucking get a clue? realize im the kind of person thats easy to walk all over. when will i wise up? when the fuck will i stop caring so much? some people...they say thats a good thing. well guess what. its not. because people like me. they just end up getting their hearts broken. they end up giving fucking EVERYTHING...and it ends up getting them nowhere. i feel so pathetic...so out of control. i can't control my emotions. i cant do this anymore
im gone.