night

[jerzsrfer]

late at night. i think of you. and all the things i could have done wrong. all the things i didnt do right. i dont understand why if i didnt do anything wrong...this still hurts so much. today, i thought things were getting better and then night falls and thoughts of you fill my head...the tears start to fall and they just wont stop. i dont sleep because my head screams with thoughts of the way you used to hold me. i go through stages, sad, desolate, inconsolable, angry, hurt and then comes rejected. these days i live in a constant state of rejection, every thought of what i dont have runs through my head, and i realize im so scared to ever love again. ive faced so much rejection in my life from my friends and family. i never thought it would happen like this. i went into this whole thing called love with my blinders on, i fell head over heals and landed flat on my ass. in a crowded room i feel so lonely. i surround myself with people but all i want to do is sleep and forget. i just dont know what to do anymore.i gave all i had. everything. and it wasnt enough. i should have realized. i dont deserve to have someone who gives me the same thing
well then what is there to live for?