What Now?!
A friend told me that I am in denial that I am depressed and is experiencing deep melancholy. She even once posted in her facebook that the reason why I am depressed because I haven't forgiven myself for letting people especially Kris to dehumanize my pride and honor. She suggested that I need to reflect and forgive myself and all the people who have made my 2010 miserable in order to move on and recover. So the biggest question now is, am I really depressed and everything is psychosomatic?
There is uncertainty and a cloud of doubt whenever I look for the answer. These are the observable facts - failing immune system, panicking and stress tendency, avoiding love songs and familiar places, anti-sociability, being super workaholic, and low self-esteem. These are signs, I know and I must admit that I am depressed even if its almost a year now.
I am the biggest loser there is now. There, I said it.
But, I want to believe that I am crawling now, slowly and gradually but with certainty, ready to stand when the time has come. I am feeling neither happy nor sad. I am okay, just okay. But there is hope and this hope is energizing me to continue, and it's originating from all the love and support that people around are giving. What Im trying to do now is compartmentalizing things in my life. I am trying to keep all the positive and neutral vibes while throwing all the negativities away. Maybe, thats the euphemism of 'in denial'. Compartmentalizing is, in short, denying all these negativities from entering your life. That explains why I am avoiding love songs and familiar places. And, maybe, the reason why my immune system is failing is that because I am overfatigued trying to waste time and exhaust all my energy at work. But yes, I am denying depression - compartmentalizing, which I believe is normal.
.... I am still deciding whether to deactivate facebook.
Friends, PLEASE PRAY FOR MY FAST RECOVERY. I badly need those prayers. Thanks.
There is uncertainty and a cloud of doubt whenever I look for the answer. These are the observable facts - failing immune system, panicking and stress tendency, avoiding love songs and familiar places, anti-sociability, being super workaholic, and low self-esteem. These are signs, I know and I must admit that I am depressed even if its almost a year now.
I am the biggest loser there is now. There, I said it.
But, I want to believe that I am crawling now, slowly and gradually but with certainty, ready to stand when the time has come. I am feeling neither happy nor sad. I am okay, just okay. But there is hope and this hope is energizing me to continue, and it's originating from all the love and support that people around are giving. What Im trying to do now is compartmentalizing things in my life. I am trying to keep all the positive and neutral vibes while throwing all the negativities away. Maybe, thats the euphemism of 'in denial'. Compartmentalizing is, in short, denying all these negativities from entering your life. That explains why I am avoiding love songs and familiar places. And, maybe, the reason why my immune system is failing is that because I am overfatigued trying to waste time and exhaust all my energy at work. But yes, I am denying depression - compartmentalizing, which I believe is normal.
.... I am still deciding whether to deactivate facebook.
Friends, PLEASE PRAY FOR MY FAST RECOVERY. I badly need those prayers. Thanks.