I've been secretly falling apart . . .
I noticed while talking with someone today that I said, "I had to go to church this morning." It was the second time I said that this morning. I HAD to go to church. Not I WANTED to go to church, I AM going to church, but I HAD to go to church. Why is this? Is it a Freudian Slip? That's exactly how I feel though. I don't elect to go to church, and if I did it certainly wouldn't be the one I am attending. I go because I play music and that is the only way I know how to "worship" at the moment. While not playing everything else falls upon deaf ears. When will it be my time again to actually WANT to go to church and relish in that fact?