(no subject)
I have started so many posts over the past month and just not finished them, I decided today I would take the time and follow through. Various things I have been thinking and feeling over the past month in no particular order:
~The girl who died friday after being hit by a bus was in my class and discussion. I did not know her well at all, but she sat next to me every discussion period. She was just one of those people you don't know or honestly, really care about. Just someone you kind of say hey, whats up, how are you, do you know what The hell the TA is talking about? Yeah me neither. That was the extent of our conversation. And after standing in line and spending 30 minutes in class having an impromptu memorial to her, all I did was think about the events that had just occured. She was probably thinking about what she was going to do that night. She was probably talking to her mom, like she had 1 trillion times before, like I do just about every day. She was just going about her day worrying about how she is doing in her classes and how the next four years are going to be the best in her life. She was probably worried about some boy she liked, wondering if he liked her too, maybe she was even stressing out about it. She might have been concentrating on the homework we had due Friday. She was hit by the bus thursday, it must have been about an hour after our discussion, because we left class at 3 and she was alive and well then. How much changed in the course of an hour or so. A life was taken, hearts were broken, and I am certain and entire family was torn apart. It got me to thinking how many things I worry about, when what is the point if I could be dead this afternoon. It got me thinking about the fact that people, in general are much to reckless and careless of those around them. It got me thinking about alot of things, and honestly, it just about made me cry. A student got up and spoke in front of the class. He didn't know Sarah, but last December, he was hit by an MTD bus. He has a metal rod in his femur, 4 screws in his ankle, a brace on his other shin due to the sevre nerve damage that was caused. He was in the hospital for 2 months, and in a wheelchair for another 4. He walks to class everyday even though it hurts his knees because he refuses to take the bus. Those bus drivers are not careful, I have seen them read newpapers when they are driving...WHILE THEY ARE DRIVING. People are no better, they are just as stupid. They walk out in front of cars all the time. It happened to me on friday, some guy, and older guy mind you, probably a professor, walked out into the street without looking either way, not in a cross walk, and I almost, not kidding, killed him. I was obeying every law, speed limit and such, he was being a jackass, and that will get you killed.
~What is it about your life that makes you so unhappy? Is anything really that bad? Because the way I see it you have it better then alot of people, but you hardly ever seem happy. I don't understand that. I don't see how someone could walk around ever day like you do, because you don't ever seem truely happy. You are just kind of existing, floating through life, and doing it in a bitchy way might I add.
~I think for the most part, that people who are unhappy, have themselves to blame. Its mostly their attitude about life. Sometimes I find this hard to handle, because really, just suck it up and stop being such a baby. Some people focus their attention outward, insulting random people who walk by, or even the people they are with, I think in an effort to hide in plain sight. As long as everyone is looking as someone else, they won't look at me. That is something that first graders do, grow up.
~My mom has expressed to me lately that she is worried about me. Not that she isn't always, but as of lately she is worried that I am going to end up with Zach. I think both her and my dad think that is a bad idea, but the great thing about that is that it really doesn't matter what they think. I am an adult and I make my own decisions, and then I live with them. Hell if they had listened to their parents, I wouldn't even be here. I thin kthe thing that bothers me the most about it, other then it is just irritating, is that they don't trust me. They don't trust my judgement I should say, when really, I have never displayed pour judgement before. I think they also don't trust themselves. They raised me, I am a product of what they taught me, how can they think I would grow up to be anything different. I like who I am, and not that they don't, but I think they often doubt the job they did with me.
~Something happened past week that I thought might never happen. When Zach and I decided to get back together this summer, I really didn't think it was going to be possible to care about him the same way I used to. I was really worried about it. I didn't think I would care for him as much, or in the same way, not that I wouldn't care for him or love him. But that maybe I wouldn't be in love with him. What if there had just been too much time and space between us for things to work out. What if things just happened the same way they did before. I cannot even tell you how much I really was convienced that it would not last this long, for no other reason other then I wasn't sure I would love him. So the amazing thing that happened this week was that I do. It wasn't that I didn't love him all this time, it was just that it was growing. It was getting back to the point where I cared so much about him, back to the point where I really really want the relationship to work, where I think about having a future together, back to the point where I trust him. Its not that I wanted the relationship to fail before this week, it was just more of a...well...if it doesn't work out we gave it a shot, but...meh.
~Me and Zach were talking before I went to sleep last night, and we were talking about how it is kinda hard to not have him around. He was saying that he misses having me in the same town, and I miss having him here too. As we were talking though, we started to talk about the advantages, we both have the time to get our things done. I work out every day, get my homework done, and then still have time to go hang out with my friends, and see Zach about twice a week. It got me thinking about how I am doing with my goals of who I want to be. I am getting in shape like I wanted. I have lost some weight like I wanted. Physically, I am looking the way I want. I am being a good student. I am getting my work done way ahead of time....its weird. I budget my time more appropriately then I used to. I am trying to lead more of a drama free life, and I am. I like how this semester is going. I am really just very happy with my life lately.
"Each indecision brings its own delay and days are lost lamenting over lost days...what you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has magic , power and genius in it." ~Goethe
This message brought to you by the letter F and the number 6.
~The girl who died friday after being hit by a bus was in my class and discussion. I did not know her well at all, but she sat next to me every discussion period. She was just one of those people you don't know or honestly, really care about. Just someone you kind of say hey, whats up, how are you, do you know what The hell the TA is talking about? Yeah me neither. That was the extent of our conversation. And after standing in line and spending 30 minutes in class having an impromptu memorial to her, all I did was think about the events that had just occured. She was probably thinking about what she was going to do that night. She was probably talking to her mom, like she had 1 trillion times before, like I do just about every day. She was just going about her day worrying about how she is doing in her classes and how the next four years are going to be the best in her life. She was probably worried about some boy she liked, wondering if he liked her too, maybe she was even stressing out about it. She might have been concentrating on the homework we had due Friday. She was hit by the bus thursday, it must have been about an hour after our discussion, because we left class at 3 and she was alive and well then. How much changed in the course of an hour or so. A life was taken, hearts were broken, and I am certain and entire family was torn apart. It got me to thinking how many things I worry about, when what is the point if I could be dead this afternoon. It got me thinking about the fact that people, in general are much to reckless and careless of those around them. It got me thinking about alot of things, and honestly, it just about made me cry. A student got up and spoke in front of the class. He didn't know Sarah, but last December, he was hit by an MTD bus. He has a metal rod in his femur, 4 screws in his ankle, a brace on his other shin due to the sevre nerve damage that was caused. He was in the hospital for 2 months, and in a wheelchair for another 4. He walks to class everyday even though it hurts his knees because he refuses to take the bus. Those bus drivers are not careful, I have seen them read newpapers when they are driving...WHILE THEY ARE DRIVING. People are no better, they are just as stupid. They walk out in front of cars all the time. It happened to me on friday, some guy, and older guy mind you, probably a professor, walked out into the street without looking either way, not in a cross walk, and I almost, not kidding, killed him. I was obeying every law, speed limit and such, he was being a jackass, and that will get you killed.
~What is it about your life that makes you so unhappy? Is anything really that bad? Because the way I see it you have it better then alot of people, but you hardly ever seem happy. I don't understand that. I don't see how someone could walk around ever day like you do, because you don't ever seem truely happy. You are just kind of existing, floating through life, and doing it in a bitchy way might I add.
~I think for the most part, that people who are unhappy, have themselves to blame. Its mostly their attitude about life. Sometimes I find this hard to handle, because really, just suck it up and stop being such a baby. Some people focus their attention outward, insulting random people who walk by, or even the people they are with, I think in an effort to hide in plain sight. As long as everyone is looking as someone else, they won't look at me. That is something that first graders do, grow up.
~My mom has expressed to me lately that she is worried about me. Not that she isn't always, but as of lately she is worried that I am going to end up with Zach. I think both her and my dad think that is a bad idea, but the great thing about that is that it really doesn't matter what they think. I am an adult and I make my own decisions, and then I live with them. Hell if they had listened to their parents, I wouldn't even be here. I thin kthe thing that bothers me the most about it, other then it is just irritating, is that they don't trust me. They don't trust my judgement I should say, when really, I have never displayed pour judgement before. I think they also don't trust themselves. They raised me, I am a product of what they taught me, how can they think I would grow up to be anything different. I like who I am, and not that they don't, but I think they often doubt the job they did with me.
~Something happened past week that I thought might never happen. When Zach and I decided to get back together this summer, I really didn't think it was going to be possible to care about him the same way I used to. I was really worried about it. I didn't think I would care for him as much, or in the same way, not that I wouldn't care for him or love him. But that maybe I wouldn't be in love with him. What if there had just been too much time and space between us for things to work out. What if things just happened the same way they did before. I cannot even tell you how much I really was convienced that it would not last this long, for no other reason other then I wasn't sure I would love him. So the amazing thing that happened this week was that I do. It wasn't that I didn't love him all this time, it was just that it was growing. It was getting back to the point where I cared so much about him, back to the point where I really really want the relationship to work, where I think about having a future together, back to the point where I trust him. Its not that I wanted the relationship to fail before this week, it was just more of a...well...if it doesn't work out we gave it a shot, but...meh.
~Me and Zach were talking before I went to sleep last night, and we were talking about how it is kinda hard to not have him around. He was saying that he misses having me in the same town, and I miss having him here too. As we were talking though, we started to talk about the advantages, we both have the time to get our things done. I work out every day, get my homework done, and then still have time to go hang out with my friends, and see Zach about twice a week. It got me thinking about how I am doing with my goals of who I want to be. I am getting in shape like I wanted. I have lost some weight like I wanted. Physically, I am looking the way I want. I am being a good student. I am getting my work done way ahead of time....its weird. I budget my time more appropriately then I used to. I am trying to lead more of a drama free life, and I am. I like how this semester is going. I am really just very happy with my life lately.
"Each indecision brings its own delay and days are lost lamenting over lost days...what you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has magic , power and genius in it." ~Goethe
This message brought to you by the letter F and the number 6.