AVP
"There ain't no stoppin what can't be stopped..."
I went to see Alien vs. Predator tonight, and I gotta tell you, I wasn't expecting much. I liked the Predator movies and I liked the special effects, so I figured I'd throw down 8 bucks.
And it was cool. Not good, not great, but cool. I wish that there was a way around the initial half hour. Why introduce me to the humans when they're only going to get ripped apart? Aliens and Predators. 2004 humans, so there aren't any cool guns or robots or mech suits. I don't care about the geeky one, the funny one, the hard nosed bitch, or the bad ass. Cuz they're all gonna get shot with the tri laser, the ripping claw, the crazy tongue, or the acid piss.
Studio Exec: "But the badass. He' tough, Jerry."
Jerry: "Acid piss."
Studio Exec: "But he's tough. Real tough."
Jerry: "Acid piss."
Studio Exec: "Point taken."
Just a waste, if I wanted back story and human element I'd watch The Piano. I want killer alien gunfight spit piss shit. It's a shame it wasn't just a bunch of Predators landing by the temple, going in, and setting traps, and whooping shit up while the Aliens counter attack. No dialogue, no subtitles, just the Predators doing SWAT team hand gestures and the Aliens screaming and ripping brothers by their dreads. Hell, I'd even take subtitles if it got rid of people and traditional plot formulas (that were used in Predator 2).
Predator 1: "There's alot of them. They bleed acid. They run up walls. But I have this super gun, a trilaser sight, heat detecting goggles, and a projectile spear that pierces and then opens up to filet their insides."
P2 : "We just fucked up 20 of them, raped their egges, and then squished them with our balls. And I have a magic boomerang thing that has 8 blades attached yet I can catch it without dismembering myself. And if I did, I'd throw a chainsaw on in place of my severed hand and yell come get some."
P1: "What a shitty challenge. Yeah, they spit and bleed acid, move fast, and are covered in slime, but we have armor, weapons, and invisibility cloaks, and dreadlocks. Not much of..."
P2: "Dude, that one just stuck out his tongue. I coulda shot him, but I allowed him to stick out his tongue."
P1: "And?"
P2: "And when they do that they go Super Saiian level 2."
P1: "Fuck."
I also would have done the finale this way ----->
Script- Opening, misty temple dungeon, ambient light source bathing set in light blue. Predator group enters, camera pulls back to reveal lair of eggs. Aliens hatch as Predators are overwhelmed. Alien sticks out tongue. Predator points trilaser at it. Soundtrack synthesizers kick in. "We're heading for Venus..."
Cut to battle:
Alien Nitro vs. Predator Blaze
for all the marbles
To The Limit!!!