It's Sick
It's sick that I don't write in here everyday like I use to. I thought this was my sanctuary away from the world when I started up, but I got so use to other things that I forgot about this. From now on I wanna get back into the habit of writing on here what I don't feel like writing anywhere else. So here goes my first real entry excluding the one I had back in April.
I think it's scary that whenever me and my fiance' have what I like to call "good days" that I am miserable. I guess after months of being treated like shit and stepped on that it's given me a right to be somewhat happy because it allows me to think that when she does treat me like shit I can leave. I know it's wrong of me to even think about that, but if you've seen the way i've been beaten down and battered emotionally then you have to realize why that when we are alright it makes me nervous.
My family have been giving me great advice about leaving her and how that it would probably be the best. It just drives me nuts sometimes. I don't know what to think anymore and I have to really do some soul "fuckin" searching.
I think it's scary that whenever me and my fiance' have what I like to call "good days" that I am miserable. I guess after months of being treated like shit and stepped on that it's given me a right to be somewhat happy because it allows me to think that when she does treat me like shit I can leave. I know it's wrong of me to even think about that, but if you've seen the way i've been beaten down and battered emotionally then you have to realize why that when we are alright it makes me nervous.
My family have been giving me great advice about leaving her and how that it would probably be the best. It just drives me nuts sometimes. I don't know what to think anymore and I have to really do some soul "fuckin" searching.