Dear SUCK
Dear Nickelback,
Let's go back to the time of pre-school, when our lives were so much simpler.
We said what were on our minds, and responded accordingly. Remember how happier we were, Nickelback, remember?
Well...with that said, I'd like to say a statement in the purest form. This is exactly what's on my mind, and I will use the pre-school mindset to deliver my message:
FUCKING. QUIT. IT.
Just quit it. Quit making songs, quit making albums, quit writing, quit singing, quit it.
Today I looked at the Top 10 albums of the country, and within minutes, the list doubled as a top 10 list to end my life. You guys were number four...and I shit blood.
Would it not be easier to just put yourselves out of misery? Drink some cyanide jell-o, write a shitty song about suicide and act it out--whatever you want! Just end it.
I don't know who it was on planet Moron that decided buying your album was ok. Was it Jen? It was Britney, wasn't it. It doesn't matter who it was, it's doing damage at an alarming rate. Kids are now starting to think that it's alright to take a hit song, change four lyrics, and put it out in the world again as a new hit single.
Look, what I'm trying to say is: You guys are killing the world faster than Ebola. There is no cure for Ebola, but there is a cure for Nickelback. Quitting, the fuck, IT.
This is not a threat, nor a warning, it's an official doctrine. I've done this before and practically knocked down Scott Stapp on the same level of Child-molesters. Do you want that, Nickelback? Do you?
All I'm asking *ahem* telling you to do is sell your guitars, cut your hair, and move back to Canada. And then end your lives.
That is so little to ask for.
Trust me, you guys will thank me once the world starts picking up again.
I'm personally excited to live in an America where a girl won't be able to whistle one tune and twelve Nickelback songs at the same time.
Think of it as a global deed, Nickelback. I would say you're reversing the terrible conditions you've created, but frankly, I think global warming has a better effect on the world than you guys.
Take my advice and QUIT IT.
Let's go back to the time of pre-school, when our lives were so much simpler.
We said what were on our minds, and responded accordingly. Remember how happier we were, Nickelback, remember?
Well...with that said, I'd like to say a statement in the purest form. This is exactly what's on my mind, and I will use the pre-school mindset to deliver my message:
FUCKING. QUIT. IT.
Just quit it. Quit making songs, quit making albums, quit writing, quit singing, quit it.
Today I looked at the Top 10 albums of the country, and within minutes, the list doubled as a top 10 list to end my life. You guys were number four...and I shit blood.
Would it not be easier to just put yourselves out of misery? Drink some cyanide jell-o, write a shitty song about suicide and act it out--whatever you want! Just end it.
I don't know who it was on planet Moron that decided buying your album was ok. Was it Jen? It was Britney, wasn't it. It doesn't matter who it was, it's doing damage at an alarming rate. Kids are now starting to think that it's alright to take a hit song, change four lyrics, and put it out in the world again as a new hit single.
Look, what I'm trying to say is: You guys are killing the world faster than Ebola. There is no cure for Ebola, but there is a cure for Nickelback. Quitting, the fuck, IT.
This is not a threat, nor a warning, it's an official doctrine. I've done this before and practically knocked down Scott Stapp on the same level of Child-molesters. Do you want that, Nickelback? Do you?
All I'm asking *ahem* telling you to do is sell your guitars, cut your hair, and move back to Canada. And then end your lives.
That is so little to ask for.
Trust me, you guys will thank me once the world starts picking up again.
I'm personally excited to live in an America where a girl won't be able to whistle one tune and twelve Nickelback songs at the same time.
Think of it as a global deed, Nickelback. I would say you're reversing the terrible conditions you've created, but frankly, I think global warming has a better effect on the world than you guys.
Take my advice and QUIT IT.