Funk
This is not going to be a well-written post. I'm sure of that. Just a place for a quick update, begging for prayers, if anyone out there is still reading.
I hate my job. I hate nursing. Most of you probably already know that. Apparently I'm good at it, because I'm getting moved up a staffing level 2 weeks early. Cool. However, in that same conversation, my manager said some highly inappropriate things that led to me crashing on the bathroom floor in Children's hospital, sobbing, praying to God that I could make it through the rest of that one day, when I would have a few days off to contemplate my life.
Fast-forward a few days. I'm not crying all the time. Sermon yesterday had a great part about bitterness being useless. True that. So I'm taking it one day at a time, forgetting the past, seeing what I can do today.
Only today, my job prospects went from 3 to a big fat zero. Zero. Meaning I go back to work on Friday for three 12's in a row, trying not to cry every step of the way. Meaning I can't give a letter of resignation yet, because I have nowhere to go. Where the heck is this alleged nursing shortage the nation keeps raving about?!
What's super extra fun about this, is that it hurls me right back down into the literal depression I was in in August. I hate nursing in general. Yet I don't have much choice at the moment but to look for a nursing job. Bleak outlook, always fun. Second, and more pertinent, is that "other issue" some of you know about. Timing sucks in life sometimes, doesn't it? But what sucks worse is being responsible and making a good decision with my head instead of following my heart. Why can't I be stupid and selfish like a few of my friends? Then I'd be happy.
So anyway, this morning I'm thankful for Kyle. And Amy, and my mom. I'm pressing ahead, trying to keep my house clean and maybe stomach something today besides chocolate cake. That's all I've had an appetite for the last few days, healthy huh?
I haven't been running. I am not even looking forward to Disney World, because I know I'll just have to come home practically as soon as I get there.
I'm thinking of starting in-home childcare with my mom. Any thoughts?
Hope you all (is there an all? I'm pretty sure this journal is just for me, but whatever) are doing well. Sorry I only write when I'm down. I don't blame you for not reading, that being that case! :)
Ooh! I will leave you with one good thought. The special edition Little Mermaid comes out in just over 12 hours!
I hate my job. I hate nursing. Most of you probably already know that. Apparently I'm good at it, because I'm getting moved up a staffing level 2 weeks early. Cool. However, in that same conversation, my manager said some highly inappropriate things that led to me crashing on the bathroom floor in Children's hospital, sobbing, praying to God that I could make it through the rest of that one day, when I would have a few days off to contemplate my life.
Fast-forward a few days. I'm not crying all the time. Sermon yesterday had a great part about bitterness being useless. True that. So I'm taking it one day at a time, forgetting the past, seeing what I can do today.
Only today, my job prospects went from 3 to a big fat zero. Zero. Meaning I go back to work on Friday for three 12's in a row, trying not to cry every step of the way. Meaning I can't give a letter of resignation yet, because I have nowhere to go. Where the heck is this alleged nursing shortage the nation keeps raving about?!
What's super extra fun about this, is that it hurls me right back down into the literal depression I was in in August. I hate nursing in general. Yet I don't have much choice at the moment but to look for a nursing job. Bleak outlook, always fun. Second, and more pertinent, is that "other issue" some of you know about. Timing sucks in life sometimes, doesn't it? But what sucks worse is being responsible and making a good decision with my head instead of following my heart. Why can't I be stupid and selfish like a few of my friends? Then I'd be happy.
So anyway, this morning I'm thankful for Kyle. And Amy, and my mom. I'm pressing ahead, trying to keep my house clean and maybe stomach something today besides chocolate cake. That's all I've had an appetite for the last few days, healthy huh?
I haven't been running. I am not even looking forward to Disney World, because I know I'll just have to come home practically as soon as I get there.
I'm thinking of starting in-home childcare with my mom. Any thoughts?
Hope you all (is there an all? I'm pretty sure this journal is just for me, but whatever) are doing well. Sorry I only write when I'm down. I don't blame you for not reading, that being that case! :)
Ooh! I will leave you with one good thought. The special edition Little Mermaid comes out in just over 12 hours!