I hate my self!!!

[jerrelljerrell]

Hey wassup people!! me nothin much just chillin, well actually on the edge of cryin!!! i messed up big time to day!! I told a good friend of mine i like him right! and he's not like that but i don't like him how i use to like him and he don't understand that and stuff!! and like i wasn't gonna tell him but he was presisting and sayin he would get mad at me!! and like he asked me b4 if it was him and i lied to him!! and i'm so fuckin sry!!! i would have never tried do n nothin n e way!! cause it's just dumb cause i know u waaaayy to well, to think about it, i would be jeopradizing our friend ship that is important to me, cause i know he is one of my friends that will never do me wrong, like other people have!!! and he told me if i said it was him that he wouldn't be my friend n e more... but i couldn't stand lie n to him!! u know!! what was i suppose to do?? if i didn't tell him i would be lie n to him and that would make me a bad friend!! and if i did i guess i would be a bad friend cause i liked him!! if a person feelings was like a switch, i would switch mine to off for him just to save our friendship but it's not, and theres nothin i can do about it!! i can try and forget all i want but he know and i know, i will always like him a lil!! but not enough to try n e thing!! u know!! and now stuff is gonna suck for me cause i don't have no one to talk to during skool no more, or talk to for advice.... u know someone who is down to earth and there aren't many people like that out there......and no hes gone! Maybe this is a sign tellin me i do need to move to beverly hills....my dad go the money for me so i can go if i want too.. but my friends like him are the main reason why i'm stayin here, but if they are all gonna just leave me like that then maybe i should just leave them.... but ne way... my day was great b4 now!!! i went to a ski and snowboard compitition with my friend Kyle!! and i took matchin pictures with David!!! and yea... like David knows how i felt for him too... and he understands u know it's not like i would just up and dumb him for the other guy if he was like that u know!! but n e way!!i think i'm gonna go and lay down... i'm feelin sick... and i can't be sick b4 my surgery!! peace
Jerrell
P.S. i'm sorry ok...but i couldn't lie to u n e more!!! i had to tell u and if u dont like it i'm sry!! i tried hard not to like u!! but the harder i did the more i did... and then when we had stop talkin i stop like n u as much... not sayin that even if u did it now i wouldn't cause i still would but i hope u can for give me, and understand nothin will happen... cause i won't try and i know u won't allow n e thing to happen!!! so...I'M SORRY!!!!!! PLEASE TALK TO ME AIIGHT!!!