Long overdue.
I have so much to say, but too afraid to type it all out and have my computer shut off on me. It's been happening a lot more than usual lately. Something is really screwed up with the hard drive, video card or my OS. I can't quite pinpoint it. The thing I hate the most is having to re-format because you lose all the settings you're used to and it takes forever to get things set back up to what's comfortable to you.
I can't sleep. No matter how hard I try, how many pillows I surround myself with, it just doesn't seem to happen. Here it is, 1:30 in the morning and I need to be up at 8 for work. I'm feeling my body draining more and more, my energy level just going out the window. I know I'm not in the best of shape, and I'm probably at the most un-healthy point of my life both mentally and physically. I wish it were just that easy to do something about it. Depression really fucks with your emotional sense, enough to basically grab anything that is comfort around you... sugars, pastas.. etc. Yeah, I'm a depressive eater. If that's even a term, but if not I'll copyright that tomorrow on my drive to work or something. Nikki actually told me last week that she was actually afraid for me because of how un-healthy I am. That really hit home to me. I can't get that whole situation out of my mind. Why can't I just snap my fingers and go back to my old self when I was in damn good shape. Went to the gym religiously, got up early, went to bed at a normal time. Gurrr..
I got to see Korah this weekend, my mother, aunt and grandmother came down for the day on Sunday with her so I could spend the day. My cousin Josh also made an appearance with his girlfriend Missy. It was nice, I havn't seen Korah since Christmas... which if you ask me, it's been way too long. I don't get to see her much because of mostly the distance and my work schedule. I have to work a lot so I can keep my child supporpt payments in check, now that they take them directly out of my paycheck every week it's been killing me. I basically can't afford anything. I don't even know what I'm going to do for rent, food, gas.. well, the list goes on, this upcoming week. I just wish things didn't have to turn out the way they did.. but, I seem to do this to myself no matter where I go, or how I end up.
Well, I'm sitting here in a blank stare more often than actually typing. So I think that's telling me something.. maybe I should attempt to actually lay down again and see where these heavy eyes take me.
I will try to update more often, I seem to have a lot more to say lately, but no one to say it to. So, whoever reads this... is good enough.
G'night all.
Is it wrong to copy/paste this into my other blog, too? Is that called being lazy?
I can't sleep. No matter how hard I try, how many pillows I surround myself with, it just doesn't seem to happen. Here it is, 1:30 in the morning and I need to be up at 8 for work. I'm feeling my body draining more and more, my energy level just going out the window. I know I'm not in the best of shape, and I'm probably at the most un-healthy point of my life both mentally and physically. I wish it were just that easy to do something about it. Depression really fucks with your emotional sense, enough to basically grab anything that is comfort around you... sugars, pastas.. etc. Yeah, I'm a depressive eater. If that's even a term, but if not I'll copyright that tomorrow on my drive to work or something. Nikki actually told me last week that she was actually afraid for me because of how un-healthy I am. That really hit home to me. I can't get that whole situation out of my mind. Why can't I just snap my fingers and go back to my old self when I was in damn good shape. Went to the gym religiously, got up early, went to bed at a normal time. Gurrr..
I got to see Korah this weekend, my mother, aunt and grandmother came down for the day on Sunday with her so I could spend the day. My cousin Josh also made an appearance with his girlfriend Missy. It was nice, I havn't seen Korah since Christmas... which if you ask me, it's been way too long. I don't get to see her much because of mostly the distance and my work schedule. I have to work a lot so I can keep my child supporpt payments in check, now that they take them directly out of my paycheck every week it's been killing me. I basically can't afford anything. I don't even know what I'm going to do for rent, food, gas.. well, the list goes on, this upcoming week. I just wish things didn't have to turn out the way they did.. but, I seem to do this to myself no matter where I go, or how I end up.
Well, I'm sitting here in a blank stare more often than actually typing. So I think that's telling me something.. maybe I should attempt to actually lay down again and see where these heavy eyes take me.
I will try to update more often, I seem to have a lot more to say lately, but no one to say it to. So, whoever reads this... is good enough.
G'night all.
Is it wrong to copy/paste this into my other blog, too? Is that called being lazy?