Karma Chameleon
I was walking down my street today when I came upon two little kids, a brother and sister I imagine. Anyway as I start passing by the little boy shouts
“YOU SUCK!!!”
It caught me off guard my only response was “*Cough* “There is no Santa Claus” *Cough*. Well, I didn’t really say that. Oh I was thinking it I beamed the thought into the little dude’s head with my telekinetic powers! Ruined that little fucker’s Christmas ha!
Tom: What! Wait!? Santa isn’t real?
Me: Nope sorry dude.
Tom: Yeah right! Then who is that guy who comes to my house on Christmas Eve reeking of whiskey and, makes me sit on his lap and tell him everything I want?
Me: Tom, that’s your step dad in a suit.
Tom: Whoa. WHOA! WHOA!
Brett: Yeah, I'm not going to even ask you what he had in the bag.
Tom: I got to go, I feel dirty. Oh god! (Dashes off.) OH GOD THAT WASN’T EGG NOG!!! THAT WASN’T EGG NOG!!!
Lately my life has been a mess. I haven’t worked in three months, I have a failed attempt at a beard and my biggest downfall is I started watching deep space nine religiously. Christ what the fuck is wrong with me? My roommate is even calling me lazy but then again this is a guy who considers a fine Boarder Collie’s prick as one of the five food groups.
So I turn to the Myspace to entertain me and low and fucking behold I get my first hate post. This girl who sent me a friend request, Who, I didn’t know and never talked to, posted a comment on my site telling me to comment on her. “Ill get around to posting back” I thought also thinking about how I can put that in with my busy Judge Matthias viewing schedule. The next time I go on Myspace she posted another comment demanding that I post a comment. What the fuck is that all about? Well I don’t respond and then I get a post saying “WELL I KNOW YOU SEE THIS ONE. I WANT YOU TO
KNOW I HATE YOU BRETT”. I picture this girl posting this with the psycho theme song on loop.
WEE WEE WEE WE WE !
What the fuck is wrong with you lady? In all seriousness you can eat a bundle of dicks for all I care. Go to town with that one. That’s where I am at right now, Well it could be worse.
MEANWHILE IN LITTLE FALLS!
(Joe is dancing around his room naked doing the mangina while “Do you really want to hurt me” is blasting on his stereo.)
Joe: Do you reallllllllly wannnnnnt to huuuuuuurt me (points to his reflection in the mirror and blows it a kiss.)
(All of the sudden his bedroom door swings open and Joe’s dad accidentally walks into this.)
Joe’s dad: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?!!?
Joe: Oh my god, Dad I can explain!!!
Joe’s Dad: You sick bitch!
Joe: Dad! I
Joe’s Dad: Joe, Godamnit, Karma Chameleon is clearly a better song! ( At this moment he drops his pants revealing the dreaded mangina.) Now change the fucking song and lets get this party started!
Man, I really am a sick fuck. Good night kids!
“YOU SUCK!!!”
It caught me off guard my only response was “*Cough* “There is no Santa Claus” *Cough*. Well, I didn’t really say that. Oh I was thinking it I beamed the thought into the little dude’s head with my telekinetic powers! Ruined that little fucker’s Christmas ha!
Tom: What! Wait!? Santa isn’t real?
Me: Nope sorry dude.
Tom: Yeah right! Then who is that guy who comes to my house on Christmas Eve reeking of whiskey and, makes me sit on his lap and tell him everything I want?
Me: Tom, that’s your step dad in a suit.
Tom: Whoa. WHOA! WHOA!
Brett: Yeah, I'm not going to even ask you what he had in the bag.
Tom: I got to go, I feel dirty. Oh god! (Dashes off.) OH GOD THAT WASN’T EGG NOG!!! THAT WASN’T EGG NOG!!!
Lately my life has been a mess. I haven’t worked in three months, I have a failed attempt at a beard and my biggest downfall is I started watching deep space nine religiously. Christ what the fuck is wrong with me? My roommate is even calling me lazy but then again this is a guy who considers a fine Boarder Collie’s prick as one of the five food groups.
So I turn to the Myspace to entertain me and low and fucking behold I get my first hate post. This girl who sent me a friend request, Who, I didn’t know and never talked to, posted a comment on my site telling me to comment on her. “Ill get around to posting back” I thought also thinking about how I can put that in with my busy Judge Matthias viewing schedule. The next time I go on Myspace she posted another comment demanding that I post a comment. What the fuck is that all about? Well I don’t respond and then I get a post saying “WELL I KNOW YOU SEE THIS ONE. I WANT YOU TO
KNOW I HATE YOU BRETT”. I picture this girl posting this with the psycho theme song on loop.
WEE WEE WEE WE WE !
What the fuck is wrong with you lady? In all seriousness you can eat a bundle of dicks for all I care. Go to town with that one. That’s where I am at right now, Well it could be worse.
MEANWHILE IN LITTLE FALLS!
(Joe is dancing around his room naked doing the mangina while “Do you really want to hurt me” is blasting on his stereo.)
Joe: Do you reallllllllly wannnnnnt to huuuuuuurt me (points to his reflection in the mirror and blows it a kiss.)
(All of the sudden his bedroom door swings open and Joe’s dad accidentally walks into this.)
Joe’s dad: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?!!?
Joe: Oh my god, Dad I can explain!!!
Joe’s Dad: You sick bitch!
Joe: Dad! I
Joe’s Dad: Joe, Godamnit, Karma Chameleon is clearly a better song! ( At this moment he drops his pants revealing the dreaded mangina.) Now change the fucking song and lets get this party started!
Man, I really am a sick fuck. Good night kids!