call on me
I loved old nick shows when I was a kid. Ever watch something you liked as a kid and thought "What the fuck?"
First off lets look at Clarisa explains it all. Clarisa, is a girl who wants to be a journalist who has the ability to make a video game in 5 mins about any situation at hand.
You miss a homework assignment, she makes a game about shooting teachers.
Dad yells at her, she makes a game about inflating him.
Contracts aids, She makes a Pac man game where Pac man goes around eating T cells.
Etc,Etc,Etc, You get the drift.
Anyway big C lives with her mom, dad (who happens to look exactly like Joes dad...) and her brother Ferguson. Ferguson comes off as one of those pricks who accuse you of hating America if you critize Bush. He is most likely a anti Semite as well. Her best friend is her neighbor, Sam who looks like he is hopped up on meth comes through her window everyday using a ladder. The cool part (the only cool part) about Sam is that a guitar riff would play whenever he entered a room.
::Maiden Riff::
Clarisa: Hey Sam
Sam: Shit...man....shit its crazy I haven’t slept in 3 days.
Now to put it bluntly, if a boy is going up a ladder to visit your daughter you know he’s fucking her. No if ands or butts about it they are f-u-c-k-i-n-g FUCKING, There is really no fucking reason why he is using a ladder and not the front door ;-0
Next on the agenda is Guts because nothing says victory like a the chunk of Styrofoam spray painted green known as the KRAG! This is the show that gave blow hard gym teachers everywhere hard ones, for the simple reason they weren’t the only douche bags blowing ridiculous kids games out of proportion. The commentary alone is priceless, your watching a scrawny dip shit ten year old kid paddle through a swimming pool in a fucking alligator inflatube tub and the commentary sounds something like this:
"OH MY GOD LOOK AT THE ADVERSITY THIS YOUNG WARRIOR BRAVE IS COMMING OVER WITH HIS PYTHON LIKE ARMS AND PUMA LIKE RELFLEXS. THIS KID IS FUCKING AMAZING MAN!!!! FUCKING, I CANT BELIVE IT I NEVER SEEN ANYTHING THING LIKE THIS!!!"
Then throughout the show they show case each kid and give him or her some ridiculous nick name along with more assine bio.
"His name is ACTION Ali, He likes to play BASKETBALL and his friends say he is a joker. He once pulled down a kids pants.... in PUBLIC!!!"
Then to make matter worse they interview these kids. What relevant thing can a kid say when all the kid did was use a bungee chord and jumped off a bunch of mats and threw a ball into a tire?
Dude: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU JUMPED WITH THE BUNGEE CHORD AND THREW THE BALL IN A TIRE?
Kid: I thought shit, I better win because those other kids are fags.
Then the grand finale of course was the Astro KRAG! Where the youths faced the perils of the dreaded confetti blast and awe inspiring shower of styform rock avalanche. This was the most important task the young do0ds and dudettes had to accomplish, because the fucking thing was more then half the points then all the events put together. Fuck you if you won the raging rapids course you missed a activator.
Last but not least is the show DOUG.
Mother fuck Doug Funny.
-b
First off lets look at Clarisa explains it all. Clarisa, is a girl who wants to be a journalist who has the ability to make a video game in 5 mins about any situation at hand.
You miss a homework assignment, she makes a game about shooting teachers.
Dad yells at her, she makes a game about inflating him.
Contracts aids, She makes a Pac man game where Pac man goes around eating T cells.
Etc,Etc,Etc, You get the drift.
Anyway big C lives with her mom, dad (who happens to look exactly like Joes dad...) and her brother Ferguson. Ferguson comes off as one of those pricks who accuse you of hating America if you critize Bush. He is most likely a anti Semite as well. Her best friend is her neighbor, Sam who looks like he is hopped up on meth comes through her window everyday using a ladder. The cool part (the only cool part) about Sam is that a guitar riff would play whenever he entered a room.
::Maiden Riff::
Clarisa: Hey Sam
Sam: Shit...man....shit its crazy I haven’t slept in 3 days.
Now to put it bluntly, if a boy is going up a ladder to visit your daughter you know he’s fucking her. No if ands or butts about it they are f-u-c-k-i-n-g FUCKING, There is really no fucking reason why he is using a ladder and not the front door ;-0
Next on the agenda is Guts because nothing says victory like a the chunk of Styrofoam spray painted green known as the KRAG! This is the show that gave blow hard gym teachers everywhere hard ones, for the simple reason they weren’t the only douche bags blowing ridiculous kids games out of proportion. The commentary alone is priceless, your watching a scrawny dip shit ten year old kid paddle through a swimming pool in a fucking alligator inflatube tub and the commentary sounds something like this:
"OH MY GOD LOOK AT THE ADVERSITY THIS YOUNG WARRIOR BRAVE IS COMMING OVER WITH HIS PYTHON LIKE ARMS AND PUMA LIKE RELFLEXS. THIS KID IS FUCKING AMAZING MAN!!!! FUCKING, I CANT BELIVE IT I NEVER SEEN ANYTHING THING LIKE THIS!!!"
Then throughout the show they show case each kid and give him or her some ridiculous nick name along with more assine bio.
"His name is ACTION Ali, He likes to play BASKETBALL and his friends say he is a joker. He once pulled down a kids pants.... in PUBLIC!!!"
Then to make matter worse they interview these kids. What relevant thing can a kid say when all the kid did was use a bungee chord and jumped off a bunch of mats and threw a ball into a tire?
Dude: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU JUMPED WITH THE BUNGEE CHORD AND THREW THE BALL IN A TIRE?
Kid: I thought shit, I better win because those other kids are fags.
Then the grand finale of course was the Astro KRAG! Where the youths faced the perils of the dreaded confetti blast and awe inspiring shower of styform rock avalanche. This was the most important task the young do0ds and dudettes had to accomplish, because the fucking thing was more then half the points then all the events put together. Fuck you if you won the raging rapids course you missed a activator.
Last but not least is the show DOUG.
Mother fuck Doug Funny.
-b