the C C D experinece.
When I was in about 8th grade there was this thing in my town called CCD. I dont know what it stood for by the ccd was like church school for the catholics who went to public school. Anyway I got stuck in this shit and the two choices of learning was to go on sunday and learn from volenteers or go monday nights and have the parents of some of the kids teach you. I chose the mondays. Here are the stories, the names havent been changed because there are no innocents.
The gimic with these things were that for the first half of the year youd have one lady teaching a group and another lady teaching the other group anyway they would switch groups midway through the year.
Teacher one: Mrs Michalowski
Here is where the ccd trouble started. This lady was pretty religious and let everyone know it, she took the teaching seriously. One day I kept talking during the class and she kept making me "look stupid" by asking me all these questions out of the bible that i didnt know the answer to. "See you dont know anything maybe you should spend more time listening then talking". She felt pretty sure of herself until i said "well arent the stories fake anyway?"
That bitches eyes shot wide open. More open then my nieghbors when i left a tub of butter outside unatttended.
"I want to see you after class."
Damn.wait your just some crazy bitch! You cant keep me after class in your house! THATS KIDNAPPING were my thoughts. My words on the other hand were "no." and my action was to walk out of the house. She followed me demanding me to come back to stay after. But little B wasnt going to stay in some wierd ladies basement OH NO Little B had the internet and INTERNET PORN! Little B had work to be done. So he um I mean I left.
But that Villinous Mrs M wasnt havening that and she called the dreaded MRS CAMP! The organizer Of CCD. THE LEADER OF LEADERS. THAT MAGNIFICENT BITCH!
Ahh Mrs Camp. What can I say about Mrs camp that hasnt been said about the aids epidemic. This is the kind of woman who watches Shindlers list for its comedic value.
Anyway Camp calls my house and tells my folks that I missed a "CCD dention" and that after my public school went out I was to walk to the church and stay after for an hour with Mrs Camp.
WHOA!!!! WHOAAAA!!!! FUCK YOU!
And she was serious. I assured my folks I would attended and soon as school went out I hung out in drug fair lot drinking a soda for an hour. Fuck you camp you look like Tom Breen's ass....Not that I know what it looks like But thats besides the point. The point is I didnt go and the feud was born.
(cue: welcome to the jungle)
So camp on a Consitant basis called my house but little B's mom was doped up on some drug and little B's dad was at work/banging and little B had the Caller ID. Camp got smart and started calling at all hours. She got a hold of my folks and set up some shit where she would call if I didnt go so I was stuck man. I go to the church after school thinking Mrs Camp was getting the crucifix ready for me, but all she did was lecture me for an hour about my behavior and make me do work out of a work book.
She got that off. But I went to the new teacher at this time:
ENTER MRS CARR:
Carr was a crazed looking lady whos big thing was that no one could leave unless there folks came. I lived a block away, my big thing was when class was over getting up and walking home without waiting. Every class she would give me talk about how I had to wait and I told her I would and like clock work when it was over I walked out. I sat next to Larry valardi, we got along real good and joke around alot. One day at class Larry did one of the greatest/ballests things I ever seen in my life.
As Mrs Carr was teaching us at her Dinning room table distracted Larry carved "Larry" into her nice as hell dinning room table. RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS SEAT. I dont know what possed the cat but I sat quitely but amazed as he carved.
"L"
(Holy shit this guy just carved into her table)
"A"
(HOLY SHIT)
"R"
(Lar....?)
"R"
(No way NO WAY!!!!?)
"y"
(HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!)
Shes sees it like 5 mins later and is beyond pissed off. ADD on that Larry keeps denying he did it. That was it I start cracking up and she ended class early.
Guess who had another Mrs Camp church detainment. Yup 2 teachers two complainets, two strikes as she put it. I told her I didnt carve it but she said that wasnt the reason I was here the fact that I leave by myself and laughed about it was the reason mrs Carr complained.
So one night I have to go on this "Retreat" where you do activities and learn about the jesus faith and such. I was in a group with my friend James Korean and we had to answer questions in a book and read it out loud.
The question was "what a tough decsion you had to make in your life."
I jokeingly wrote "Where should I dump james Body in the dumpster or the lake?" and showed it to james. Teacher lady goes "what did you write brett?"
"Ahh nothing"
"Well let me see" With that she took it and read "Where should I..." and the stoped got up and showed the camp. Another Church fucking detention..
Strike three so she request my folks add on to the volenteer time each kid had to preform. I had to go help at an art auction where the proceed would be donated to some charity. I drag quotes to go and we just kid around the whole time. Quotes follows me in the bathroom when Im droping a duce and starts pounding on the stall and starts making all these grunting noises. UNfortunetly it wasnt my stall. The guy didnt seem amused by it all but it helped pass the timie quicker.
I did that standing on my head. Mrs camp's new thing was to hug me in front of people because some of the parents had heard about the little fued and she seemed like she wanted to squash it and act like she cared about me. The whole time she didnt even get my name right. She would allways calls me "dean" and then have to be corrected. Soon I would be accepted as A roman Cath-o-l-ic.
I dont concider myself to be religious in any means As a wise Wayne once put it:
"Heaven is somthing you find on earth.... Heaven is in a woman."
Well Barbra it's time to take me to cloud 9.
Sorry for the long read. But if you made it this far concider yourself saved.
The gimic with these things were that for the first half of the year youd have one lady teaching a group and another lady teaching the other group anyway they would switch groups midway through the year.
Teacher one: Mrs Michalowski
Here is where the ccd trouble started. This lady was pretty religious and let everyone know it, she took the teaching seriously. One day I kept talking during the class and she kept making me "look stupid" by asking me all these questions out of the bible that i didnt know the answer to. "See you dont know anything maybe you should spend more time listening then talking". She felt pretty sure of herself until i said "well arent the stories fake anyway?"
That bitches eyes shot wide open. More open then my nieghbors when i left a tub of butter outside unatttended.
"I want to see you after class."
Damn.wait your just some crazy bitch! You cant keep me after class in your house! THATS KIDNAPPING were my thoughts. My words on the other hand were "no." and my action was to walk out of the house. She followed me demanding me to come back to stay after. But little B wasnt going to stay in some wierd ladies basement OH NO Little B had the internet and INTERNET PORN! Little B had work to be done. So he um I mean I left.
But that Villinous Mrs M wasnt havening that and she called the dreaded MRS CAMP! The organizer Of CCD. THE LEADER OF LEADERS. THAT MAGNIFICENT BITCH!
Ahh Mrs Camp. What can I say about Mrs camp that hasnt been said about the aids epidemic. This is the kind of woman who watches Shindlers list for its comedic value.
Anyway Camp calls my house and tells my folks that I missed a "CCD dention" and that after my public school went out I was to walk to the church and stay after for an hour with Mrs Camp.
WHOA!!!! WHOAAAA!!!! FUCK YOU!
And she was serious. I assured my folks I would attended and soon as school went out I hung out in drug fair lot drinking a soda for an hour. Fuck you camp you look like Tom Breen's ass....Not that I know what it looks like But thats besides the point. The point is I didnt go and the feud was born.
(cue: welcome to the jungle)
So camp on a Consitant basis called my house but little B's mom was doped up on some drug and little B's dad was at work/banging and little B had the Caller ID. Camp got smart and started calling at all hours. She got a hold of my folks and set up some shit where she would call if I didnt go so I was stuck man. I go to the church after school thinking Mrs Camp was getting the crucifix ready for me, but all she did was lecture me for an hour about my behavior and make me do work out of a work book.
She got that off. But I went to the new teacher at this time:
ENTER MRS CARR:
Carr was a crazed looking lady whos big thing was that no one could leave unless there folks came. I lived a block away, my big thing was when class was over getting up and walking home without waiting. Every class she would give me talk about how I had to wait and I told her I would and like clock work when it was over I walked out. I sat next to Larry valardi, we got along real good and joke around alot. One day at class Larry did one of the greatest/ballests things I ever seen in my life.
As Mrs Carr was teaching us at her Dinning room table distracted Larry carved "Larry" into her nice as hell dinning room table. RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS SEAT. I dont know what possed the cat but I sat quitely but amazed as he carved.
"L"
(Holy shit this guy just carved into her table)
"A"
(HOLY SHIT)
"R"
(Lar....?)
"R"
(No way NO WAY!!!!?)
"y"
(HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!)
Shes sees it like 5 mins later and is beyond pissed off. ADD on that Larry keeps denying he did it. That was it I start cracking up and she ended class early.
Guess who had another Mrs Camp church detainment. Yup 2 teachers two complainets, two strikes as she put it. I told her I didnt carve it but she said that wasnt the reason I was here the fact that I leave by myself and laughed about it was the reason mrs Carr complained.
So one night I have to go on this "Retreat" where you do activities and learn about the jesus faith and such. I was in a group with my friend James Korean and we had to answer questions in a book and read it out loud.
The question was "what a tough decsion you had to make in your life."
I jokeingly wrote "Where should I dump james Body in the dumpster or the lake?" and showed it to james. Teacher lady goes "what did you write brett?"
"Ahh nothing"
"Well let me see" With that she took it and read "Where should I..." and the stoped got up and showed the camp. Another Church fucking detention..
Strike three so she request my folks add on to the volenteer time each kid had to preform. I had to go help at an art auction where the proceed would be donated to some charity. I drag quotes to go and we just kid around the whole time. Quotes follows me in the bathroom when Im droping a duce and starts pounding on the stall and starts making all these grunting noises. UNfortunetly it wasnt my stall. The guy didnt seem amused by it all but it helped pass the timie quicker.
I did that standing on my head. Mrs camp's new thing was to hug me in front of people because some of the parents had heard about the little fued and she seemed like she wanted to squash it and act like she cared about me. The whole time she didnt even get my name right. She would allways calls me "dean" and then have to be corrected. Soon I would be accepted as A roman Cath-o-l-ic.
I dont concider myself to be religious in any means As a wise Wayne once put it:
"Heaven is somthing you find on earth.... Heaven is in a woman."
Well Barbra it's time to take me to cloud 9.
Sorry for the long read. But if you made it this far concider yourself saved.