Happy holidays elffucker
"Holydays bring out the worst in people its reminds you of how shity you are as a person. Take for instance... DANNY!!! MWAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH. Just kidding do0d but i know without any family i get the jip on the presents. NOW thats fucking depressing. Im kidding im kidding the presents dont make the holiday the pornography does."
-me
Let me tell you about my fucking snow in weekend. Friday comes and Im in heaven Ahhhh snow what a lovley life it is after all. My day off looking me in the face what can go wrong? Oh.
Im sleeping in on a winter wonderfull. Then I get a call at 7:30 the next morning from El.
El: Yo brett joe wants you to work.
(First off it's so fucking early I think it's the holy ghost on the phone. Then I relize who it is.)
Brett: What I got school!
El: No you dont you dropped out.
Brett: ITS THE PRETENSE THAT MATTERS! THE PRETENSE!
El: well he knows you dont have school because of the blizzard and were waiting outside of your house.
SO began the winter legacy of failure. During the car ride to work Joe's dad said I was fucked up because I keep randomly talking about donkey shows. I told him I was just bieng honest. Also on the way there I saw some do0d driving a corvette and getting stuck on the highway. I bet he was Italian and whose to say there isnt justice?
Anyway I work in the fucking snow la de fucking day. I get home and My godfather Gus is on a misson a mission to make me bring down christmas decrations. I come in and start talking to Danny about my plans to marry a rich woman and become a house husband and out of no where my godfather Gus chimes in "Yeah the list of girls came into the mail today" That bastard.
NEXT TIME AUGUST! NEXT TIME!
Then he has me take down decrations and he keeps ripping on me through out. Im stunned man I dont even know what to say. I guess its pent up rage. Who knows, and who cares? So I get snowed in all alone in this town nothing to do. The highlight of my night is watching shock video but i end up turning that shit off. One scene there showing these hot girls with massive breasts then it goes to a guy talking about fucking his horse.I shit you not, the guy claimed to have married his steed and said he likes "making love to it". Thats when I turned that shit off and went to bed
.
Gus wakes me up early again to cut down a christmas tree.
Brett: Gus the place is closed man.
Gus: No its run by monks it will be open.
Brett:WHAT!? Its run by a bunch of rednecks in the woods.
Gus: There monks.
I dont know what this has to do with them bieng open by he was right on both parts. What a terrible place to find god, it was like the set of deliverance. Anyway Gus tells Danny and me to shovel the place. Problem bieng danny cant get up because of all the drinking and what not before. It takes like an hour to get this kid out of bed.
We get out there and start making fun of Gus about this idea and his shit shovels. The shovels were like fucking a kids toy. So he asks the nieghbor for a shovel. Then Gus tells me to grab the shovel. Done and Done, then the nieghbor comes over and yells at me for stealing the shovel. I tell the guy im not blood related to any of these people. Danny and me plan to leave Gus in the snow and watch tv but he catchs on and puts a stop to that.
Then my godfathers youngest daughter comes out and starts shoveling. The nieghbor sees this and asks about why she doesnt have any gloves.
"Gus wont let her have any...he beats us when you arent around."
After the guy leaves Gus comes up to me and goes "Im tired of your lame jokes guys. Especially yours Brett."
Guy must have been drunk.
We finish the snow and set off on a fantastic journey into western nj to find a tree. I fall asleep and Im awaken when I get there. INcoherntly from bieng freshly awaken I stumble out of the car with a hard on, talk about bringing the christmas spirit with me. Shit try explaing that one.
"OHHHH yeah baby with love from Jersey!THIS! THIS IS THE HARDEST WORKING MAN IN SHOW BUISNESS!!!"
Monk 1: That kids fucked up.
Monk 2: wasnt he in home alone?
We get a tree right quick and everything is good after that. To think im going be 20 come christmas morning. If you thought that was bad. Read about what I was doing this time last year.
http://www.livejournal.com/~myfaceisthebest/53373.html fighting
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jerkstore/2002/12/07/ sat slut
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jerkstore/2002/12/19/ christmas tv
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jerkstore/2002/12/25/ birthday.
Peace.
-me
Let me tell you about my fucking snow in weekend. Friday comes and Im in heaven Ahhhh snow what a lovley life it is after all. My day off looking me in the face what can go wrong? Oh.
Im sleeping in on a winter wonderfull. Then I get a call at 7:30 the next morning from El.
El: Yo brett joe wants you to work.
(First off it's so fucking early I think it's the holy ghost on the phone. Then I relize who it is.)
Brett: What I got school!
El: No you dont you dropped out.
Brett: ITS THE PRETENSE THAT MATTERS! THE PRETENSE!
El: well he knows you dont have school because of the blizzard and were waiting outside of your house.
SO began the winter legacy of failure. During the car ride to work Joe's dad said I was fucked up because I keep randomly talking about donkey shows. I told him I was just bieng honest. Also on the way there I saw some do0d driving a corvette and getting stuck on the highway. I bet he was Italian and whose to say there isnt justice?
Anyway I work in the fucking snow la de fucking day. I get home and My godfather Gus is on a misson a mission to make me bring down christmas decrations. I come in and start talking to Danny about my plans to marry a rich woman and become a house husband and out of no where my godfather Gus chimes in "Yeah the list of girls came into the mail today" That bastard.
NEXT TIME AUGUST! NEXT TIME!
Then he has me take down decrations and he keeps ripping on me through out. Im stunned man I dont even know what to say. I guess its pent up rage. Who knows, and who cares? So I get snowed in all alone in this town nothing to do. The highlight of my night is watching shock video but i end up turning that shit off. One scene there showing these hot girls with massive breasts then it goes to a guy talking about fucking his horse.I shit you not, the guy claimed to have married his steed and said he likes "making love to it". Thats when I turned that shit off and went to bed
.
Gus wakes me up early again to cut down a christmas tree.
Brett: Gus the place is closed man.
Gus: No its run by monks it will be open.
Brett:WHAT!? Its run by a bunch of rednecks in the woods.
Gus: There monks.
I dont know what this has to do with them bieng open by he was right on both parts. What a terrible place to find god, it was like the set of deliverance. Anyway Gus tells Danny and me to shovel the place. Problem bieng danny cant get up because of all the drinking and what not before. It takes like an hour to get this kid out of bed.
We get out there and start making fun of Gus about this idea and his shit shovels. The shovels were like fucking a kids toy. So he asks the nieghbor for a shovel. Then Gus tells me to grab the shovel. Done and Done, then the nieghbor comes over and yells at me for stealing the shovel. I tell the guy im not blood related to any of these people. Danny and me plan to leave Gus in the snow and watch tv but he catchs on and puts a stop to that.
Then my godfathers youngest daughter comes out and starts shoveling. The nieghbor sees this and asks about why she doesnt have any gloves.
"Gus wont let her have any...he beats us when you arent around."
After the guy leaves Gus comes up to me and goes "Im tired of your lame jokes guys. Especially yours Brett."
Guy must have been drunk.
We finish the snow and set off on a fantastic journey into western nj to find a tree. I fall asleep and Im awaken when I get there. INcoherntly from bieng freshly awaken I stumble out of the car with a hard on, talk about bringing the christmas spirit with me. Shit try explaing that one.
"OHHHH yeah baby with love from Jersey!THIS! THIS IS THE HARDEST WORKING MAN IN SHOW BUISNESS!!!"
Monk 1: That kids fucked up.
Monk 2: wasnt he in home alone?
We get a tree right quick and everything is good after that. To think im going be 20 come christmas morning. If you thought that was bad. Read about what I was doing this time last year.
http://www.livejournal.com/~myfaceisthebest/53373.html fighting
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jerkstore/2002/12/07/ sat slut
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jerkstore/2002/12/19/ christmas tv
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jerkstore/2002/12/25/ birthday.
Peace.