put it on me celing to floor.
You know, at nights I lay awake thinking of my addiction to liquor and how it hurt my family and friends. Maybe its time I sought some help and repaired burned bridges. I mean really got my life together and attended a meeting and seeked the help I need to battle this.... maybe its time to
ROCK! Fuck that quiting shit. Quiting is for losers. Im not a fucking loser! You thought i was gonna go emotional on you didnt you? Well thats something a loser would do. Speaking of losers alot of people have been giving me shit about my past few updates saying " Your not funny anymore...you lost it". You know this is a serious concern since my sole gimmack with this journal is to entertain you. Infact its my sole purpose on this planet! So I thought about the concern and typed out this well thought out response:
BOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOO000 HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Maybe the emotional entries are where its at. So Ill guess ill be real about stuff from now on. STARTING NOW!
SO heres the actuall update Joes birthday was the other day. I gave him a great gift... A picture of me and on the back "Joe thanks for being a fan" then I signed it. This jack ass tells me he put in his dad's underwear drawer
Small problem. I work for Joe's dad.
Medium problem. His dad's name is also Joe.
Now his dad thinks a H-O-ribble wierd sick bitch. Add on that to that I broke my respectfull code of silence. See the code is this, When I meet a new person Im usaully quite and polite. It's not that im shy its just that when I open my mouth problems start. Basicly Im sick and I cant finish a sentance without saying a swear.
For example I was hanging out with Libby,Jane, Joe before i really knew any of them that well and they suggested we get bagels...
Jane: Lets go get some bagels.
Brett: oh no...
Libby: What?
Joe: He used to make begals for a living.
Brett: Yeah I put the holes in them....
Then it hit them what I was getting at. They looked at me like they wanted to kill me. I was expecting the commune to come down and raise hell.
Libby: THERE HE IS!!! PELT HIM WITH ASSORTED MEAT PRODUCTS!!
Brett: Maiden rules!!!
(wap...wap.wap.wwap....wap.)
Libby: PELT HIM! PELT HIM IN THE EYES!!!!
Brett: (choke) you got me (gasp) maiden.... rules ack.
Does this make me a bad person? Well if ones life goal is to be a house husband is that bad? My godmother says im to opinonated and my mouth is to big for that. My response..
YOU NEVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT.
(palm)
SHUT YOUR GODAMN MOUTH!
SHUT YOU MOTHER FUCKING GODAMN MOUTH!
I AM A GODAMN KING!!!!! I AM THE HARDEST WORKING MAN IN SHOW BUISNESS!!!!
(god i hope they dont read that).
Anyway enough bullshiting. I work with this do0d Robbie and off the job he is a stand up guy. Thats off the job. Anyway this douche bag puts a waxing machine on some ones carpert leaving a huge fucking black stain on the carpet. I go to clean up after him and when I come back he tells Joe's dad Im the one who put it on the carpet and that hed call me a dumb ass but id forget in 15 mins. I suddenly felt the urge to punch this guy in the face but i learned from past mistake thats a fast way to lose a job. So I calmly explained that Rob put it on the rug. Fine its over move on.. No one got fired.
Then I have to wash a bucket and Robs complaining Im taking to long and says "what are you making love to it". I calmly get up and say "This comming from the guy who was up all night sucking a gazelle dick.". Joes dad starts cracking up and Robbie is baffled like "How did he know about it!?". So now add that wierd ass comment to a wierd ass picture in your underwear drawer and you got me.
Good? BaD? Im the guy banging your mother.
Hey! Now to make this entry longer.MORE REALISM!
Mike: Hey Mom! Dad! Its great to be home from college but what happened to my room while I was gone?
Sellecks mom: Mike... I dont know how to say this...But we rented your room out.
Mike: What do you mean rented out my ROOM!? WHOS LIVING IN THERE ALL I SEE ARE EMPTY BEER CANS AND CLUB MAGAZINES!!!
Sellecks Dad: Well son.... We didnt really rented out....more like gave it to some one. Let me go get him.
Sellecks dad: BRETT COME DOWN HERE!!!
Brett: Well,Well,Well...
Mike: What!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! HOW CAN YOU LET HIM LIVE HERE! I HATE THAT FUCKER!!!
Sellecks dad: Well we meet him on a swingers chat room...
Mike: No you dont mean...
Sellecks dad: Yes...
Mike: No!
Sellecks dad: Yes he is actually banging your mom while I film it and sell it on the internet!
Brett: OHHHHHHHHHHH YEAH!!!!!!!!!
Mike: Dad your a dick. I hate that fucking douche bag how could you!
Sellecks dad: Mike... Dont call me dad anymore. Since I been filming I came out of my coccoon and blossomed into a man who loves sex. Now that I have this new found sexual freedom I want you to call me Pony BallZ.
Mike: Screw you dad!
Sellecks Dad: Brett go get the camera... I want you to film this.
Mike: What!? What are you doing Dad?
Sellecks dad: I told you to call me Pony Ballz. Brett are you filming?
Brett: Yeah your good.
Sellecks dad: Good. I want you to film me kicking his ass!
Mike: WHAT!?
(At this point sellecks dad attacks mike!!!)
Sellecks dad: HEADLOCK!!!!! HEADLOCK!!!!!!! HEAD LOCK!!!
Mike: Ack Dad i cant breathe!
Sellecks dad, Sellecks mom, Brett: PONY BALLS!!!!!
Mike: I cant breathe dad get off me!
Sellecks mom: Put words to your tears micheal!
Sellecks dad: GO to sleep... GO TO SLEEP!!!
Mike: ACK!!!! ACK!!!!
Sellecks mom: THROW HIM DOWN THE STAIRS PONY BALLS!!!
Sellecks Dad: OHHHH YEAH!!!! (Throws mike down the stairs)
(thump thump thump)
Brett: Holy shit!
Sellecks dad: Did you get that?
Brett: Its all good.
Well thats it for my long update. Please comment!
ROCK! Fuck that quiting shit. Quiting is for losers. Im not a fucking loser! You thought i was gonna go emotional on you didnt you? Well thats something a loser would do. Speaking of losers alot of people have been giving me shit about my past few updates saying " Your not funny anymore...you lost it". You know this is a serious concern since my sole gimmack with this journal is to entertain you. Infact its my sole purpose on this planet! So I thought about the concern and typed out this well thought out response:
BOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOO000 HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Maybe the emotional entries are where its at. So Ill guess ill be real about stuff from now on. STARTING NOW!
SO heres the actuall update Joes birthday was the other day. I gave him a great gift... A picture of me and on the back "Joe thanks for being a fan" then I signed it. This jack ass tells me he put in his dad's underwear drawer
Small problem. I work for Joe's dad.
Medium problem. His dad's name is also Joe.
Now his dad thinks a H-O-ribble wierd sick bitch. Add on that to that I broke my respectfull code of silence. See the code is this, When I meet a new person Im usaully quite and polite. It's not that im shy its just that when I open my mouth problems start. Basicly Im sick and I cant finish a sentance without saying a swear.
For example I was hanging out with Libby,Jane, Joe before i really knew any of them that well and they suggested we get bagels...
Jane: Lets go get some bagels.
Brett: oh no...
Libby: What?
Joe: He used to make begals for a living.
Brett: Yeah I put the holes in them....
Then it hit them what I was getting at. They looked at me like they wanted to kill me. I was expecting the commune to come down and raise hell.
Libby: THERE HE IS!!! PELT HIM WITH ASSORTED MEAT PRODUCTS!!
Brett: Maiden rules!!!
(wap...wap.wap.wwap....wap.)
Libby: PELT HIM! PELT HIM IN THE EYES!!!!
Brett: (choke) you got me (gasp) maiden.... rules ack.
Does this make me a bad person? Well if ones life goal is to be a house husband is that bad? My godmother says im to opinonated and my mouth is to big for that. My response..
YOU NEVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT.
(palm)
SHUT YOUR GODAMN MOUTH!
SHUT YOU MOTHER FUCKING GODAMN MOUTH!
I AM A GODAMN KING!!!!! I AM THE HARDEST WORKING MAN IN SHOW BUISNESS!!!!
(god i hope they dont read that).
Anyway enough bullshiting. I work with this do0d Robbie and off the job he is a stand up guy. Thats off the job. Anyway this douche bag puts a waxing machine on some ones carpert leaving a huge fucking black stain on the carpet. I go to clean up after him and when I come back he tells Joe's dad Im the one who put it on the carpet and that hed call me a dumb ass but id forget in 15 mins. I suddenly felt the urge to punch this guy in the face but i learned from past mistake thats a fast way to lose a job. So I calmly explained that Rob put it on the rug. Fine its over move on.. No one got fired.
Then I have to wash a bucket and Robs complaining Im taking to long and says "what are you making love to it". I calmly get up and say "This comming from the guy who was up all night sucking a gazelle dick.". Joes dad starts cracking up and Robbie is baffled like "How did he know about it!?". So now add that wierd ass comment to a wierd ass picture in your underwear drawer and you got me.
Good? BaD? Im the guy banging your mother.
Hey! Now to make this entry longer.MORE REALISM!
Mike: Hey Mom! Dad! Its great to be home from college but what happened to my room while I was gone?
Sellecks mom: Mike... I dont know how to say this...But we rented your room out.
Mike: What do you mean rented out my ROOM!? WHOS LIVING IN THERE ALL I SEE ARE EMPTY BEER CANS AND CLUB MAGAZINES!!!
Sellecks Dad: Well son.... We didnt really rented out....more like gave it to some one. Let me go get him.
Sellecks dad: BRETT COME DOWN HERE!!!
Brett: Well,Well,Well...
Mike: What!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! HOW CAN YOU LET HIM LIVE HERE! I HATE THAT FUCKER!!!
Sellecks dad: Well we meet him on a swingers chat room...
Mike: No you dont mean...
Sellecks dad: Yes...
Mike: No!
Sellecks dad: Yes he is actually banging your mom while I film it and sell it on the internet!
Brett: OHHHHHHHHHHH YEAH!!!!!!!!!
Mike: Dad your a dick. I hate that fucking douche bag how could you!
Sellecks dad: Mike... Dont call me dad anymore. Since I been filming I came out of my coccoon and blossomed into a man who loves sex. Now that I have this new found sexual freedom I want you to call me Pony BallZ.
Mike: Screw you dad!
Sellecks Dad: Brett go get the camera... I want you to film this.
Mike: What!? What are you doing Dad?
Sellecks dad: I told you to call me Pony Ballz. Brett are you filming?
Brett: Yeah your good.
Sellecks dad: Good. I want you to film me kicking his ass!
Mike: WHAT!?
(At this point sellecks dad attacks mike!!!)
Sellecks dad: HEADLOCK!!!!! HEADLOCK!!!!!!! HEAD LOCK!!!
Mike: Ack Dad i cant breathe!
Sellecks dad, Sellecks mom, Brett: PONY BALLS!!!!!
Mike: I cant breathe dad get off me!
Sellecks mom: Put words to your tears micheal!
Sellecks dad: GO to sleep... GO TO SLEEP!!!
Mike: ACK!!!! ACK!!!!
Sellecks mom: THROW HIM DOWN THE STAIRS PONY BALLS!!!
Sellecks Dad: OHHHH YEAH!!!! (Throws mike down the stairs)
(thump thump thump)
Brett: Holy shit!
Sellecks dad: Did you get that?
Brett: Its all good.
Well thats it for my long update. Please comment!