believe that man.
Shit im back. I got back from Penn and I got to thinking
"Shit I got to get my life together and put all the engery I spend on the computer,tv, and boozing and put them into something constructive."
Yeah so then I got bored and Now here I am...updating. Thanks alot to the people who posted after that last post especially the guy who posted this:
"Between every word, line, paragraph in your daily posts lies a collective key to my genitalia and heart. Please dont leave, i will be broken man with a limp dick.
P.J. Rinestone."
I really dont want to be responsible for keeping a good man down so here I go. Heres the prelude to the update a litle recap of eventfull things that happened since I got back:
- Get back to the homeland and within 12 hours im with Quotes driving around and some big women with a huge head of red hair runs in front of the car. Quotes in his baffled state has nothing to say, so I shout out "GET OUT OF THE WAY BOZO THE BITCH!!" I get a baffled look but I take it as a morale victory. Optimus prime - 1, Bozo - 0.
- Come home to find danny framed a picture joe drew of me on the back of a parkwest place mat. Confusion sets in.
- Go to world inferno and have two people call me "beast legend" Hell yeah!
- I start going up behind Jimmy and whisper wierd ass things to him in different voices
through out the show in a attempt to creep him out. I go up to him and whisper "Meet me in the mens room in 5 mins" only to have a random do0d turn around who was not jimmy.
do0d: WHAT!?
brett: Um Oh shit! No Not you you look like my friend Jimmy... I thought you were my friend jimmy.
(do0d stares at me with a stern face.)
Its at this point I realize that my story is one of extreme failure that most be told to the masses so they can avoid leading a life like mine so without further delay.
The Update
Tom: Tommy Breen here of John Doe comic "fame" and
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
(garabage is thrown at the stage.)
Tom: ...im here for a speacial ocassion. Yes ladies and gentleman Its time for the first annual jerkstore journal awards.
Crowd: WHOOOOO HOOOOO.
Tom: Insted of awards we could only afford a 30 pack of coors light so if you win you get a beer. This past year has been a wierd ride we cried, moaned, and pretended the read the text comtained in this abortion of humor but we shared a common bond..... that is we like reading about the misadventures of a short achoolic bum pervert. Well not really like but we all have been pressured into it by the same said person. Anyway the first presenter is a devote feminist and a sick bitch with a bizarre pirate fetish Joe.
Joe: Before I read this I would just like to say that I wont be growing my beard because I believe it to be sexist. But tonight Im here to present an award for "Most likely to sodmize a child at a bus station with a sharp stick". The Nominees are:
A) Alex Trouche
B) Alex Trouche
C) Mike Selleck
D) Alex Trouche.
Joe: And the winner is..... MIKE SELLECK. Come on an accept your silver bullet.
(Linkin park starts playing)
Mike: wow.. Who would have thought Id be getting an award tonight? Gosh I dont really have a speech ready for tonight but Id like to thank the following people Linkin park, Good charlette, Ace's vasoline company, Home depot for selling me ropes and most importantly my parents whose stric limitations on the car they purchased for me car has led me to live a life of extreme understanding of the poor down trodden masses. Im going to make a statement against the war on Iraq. This is a war for OIL and im against the killing of innocents for the rich buerocrats of the US. THIS IS A WAR FOR OIL, children are dying for Oil.
Mike: BLOOD FOR OIL!!! BLOOD FOR OIL. Well I hope that my message hit close to home for a few and if it doesnt my only hope is that it changes the views of one person tonight because that one person one day can make a difference. Goodnight. Im about to break.
(throws down microphone)
(gets in a huge SUV)
Mike: Hey it hauls ass but it guzzles gas like a bitch. Later.
(Drives off.)
Tom: Wow I can cut the agsnt with a knife. Anyway the Next present is true a pioneer in the sonofabitch industry and it is in my pleasure to introduce our friend Mr Quotes.
Quotes: Im here to present the female of the year and the nominees are.
Tiffney for her cliche janitor rapist jokes and attempts at humor.
"I knew I wasn't the only girl who thought you were creepy. And the fact that you're a janitor. Whoa. Before I just thought you were creepy. But now I know that you're a rapist. The janitor ALWAYS does it in the movies. At least when it happens at a college. You go home and cry when girls say no and when people don't want to give you rides, and then you go back to school and rape the girl who said no. Or the girl who looks like the girl who said no. Thank god I don't go to your school."
the second nomination is Sarah Plante for her hatred of trailor living:
oOScHaFeOo: you a stupid little bastard anyways
Rebel Elph: Sir... Theres no shame in living in a trailor.
oOScHaFeOo: I LIVE IN A MANSION I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOUR TALKING ABOUT MY HOUSE IS HUGE AS HELL.
And Last but not least is Nike Babe:
Rebel Elph: Hey baby
Nikebabe429: what do u want?
Rebel Elph: Theres a train
Rebel Elph: and its in my pants
Nikebabe429: goodbye
Quotes: The winner is.... TIFFANY. Unfortunetly Tiff couldnt be here tonight as she lives in Texas now but we do have a satalight feed.
Tiffany: Thank you for the awards with this beer can I can use it as a christmas tree deceration.
Quotes: How come your eye is black?
Tiffany:...i feel down the stairs.
male voice: Tiffany wheres my dinner?
Tiffany: I couldnt make it yet I won an award daddy.
(belt snapping is heard in the backround.)
male voice: Whos daddies little girl? Now get back into the broom closet for some special time.
Tiffany oh god help me call the poli
Tom: OHHHH (pulls plug) thats all the time we have for that award. Dont you hate it when the winners take so much time on there presentation. Our next presenter needs no introdcution MR BRYNE PATS DAD!!!!!!
Mr bryne: OHHHHHHH HELL YEAH!!!!! (Runs up and down the aisles high fiving people.)
(runs to one of the side of a the stage and hangs off a rafter.)
Mr bryne: 420!!!!!!
Crowd: YEAH!!!!!!!! (cheers wildly)
(Runs to the other rafter on the other side of the stage!!!)
Mr bryne: I SAID 420!!!!!!
Crowd: OWWWWWWWWWW!!!! (cheers wildly)
(runs to the center of the stage)
Mr bryne: GET UP! I SAID GET THE FUCK UP!!!!! 4 2 0!!!!
(crowd goes ape shit)
(Mr bryne ripes his shirt off and chugs a beer)
(pull out glasses and take papers out of a suit case)
Mr bryne: And the nominees for greatest reader post are...
Mr bryne: well there are no nominees because aparently it would take to much time to look up all the comments and evualate so Im gonna pull one out one and the winner is:
(Anonymous)
2003-02-06 12:37 (link) Select
Sure it wasnt taylors car with the frog on it?
MAIDEN RULES!
Stranks
Stranks: Well I dont know what to say expect DOUCHE IT HARD AND DOUCHE IT FAST!!! WOOOOOO WHOOOOOO!!!
(crowd is speechless)
Tom: Hey doenst stranks look like jack black? He does... No shit. Anyway the next award is going to be co announced by Al the angry accountant and Jim the red headed swallow. Come on up gentlemen.
Jim: hey Al whats red white and black all over?
Al: I dont know but dont you hate scripted corny mtv bullshit telepromter introdcutions.
Jim: A news paper...
(tumble weed)
Al: The nominees for the best story are:
Bread money show one:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jerkstore/2002/10/05/
Real American
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jerkstore/2002/10/08/
Dmb rant:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jerkstore/2002/10/14/
Bread$Money show 2
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jerkstore/2002/11/03/
Jim: And the winner is Bread money show 2 come on up Brett.
Brett: Hey while im up here I might as well present the next award for honarary Ninja Masta white jesus Beast legend.
The nominees are:
Joe pirate for bleeching his hair in order to look like Race cannon of Johnny Quest fame.
Tom Breen for his freakshow abilities.
Quotes for his cynical nature.
Alex Trouche for inspiring the journal.
Brett: And the winner is...wait Im having a little problems getting this out of the envolope (rips it to shreds) THE WINNER IS ME!!!!!! OWWWWWWW YEAH!!!!
Crowd: Booooo
Tom: YOU CANT DO THAT!!!!!
Brett: yes I can I wrote this whole fucking thing.
Tom: You suck!
Crowd: (chanting) YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!!!!!
Brett: Say hello to Optimus Prime (pulls down pants and exposes penis)
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOO (garbage is thrown)
Brett: Rock and Roll loves ya baby!!!!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Well thats the update, and if you read it all the way down here that makes one of you.
Good night my friends!
"Shit I got to get my life together and put all the engery I spend on the computer,tv, and boozing and put them into something constructive."
Yeah so then I got bored and Now here I am...updating. Thanks alot to the people who posted after that last post especially the guy who posted this:
"Between every word, line, paragraph in your daily posts lies a collective key to my genitalia and heart. Please dont leave, i will be broken man with a limp dick.
P.J. Rinestone."
I really dont want to be responsible for keeping a good man down so here I go. Heres the prelude to the update a litle recap of eventfull things that happened since I got back:
- Get back to the homeland and within 12 hours im with Quotes driving around and some big women with a huge head of red hair runs in front of the car. Quotes in his baffled state has nothing to say, so I shout out "GET OUT OF THE WAY BOZO THE BITCH!!" I get a baffled look but I take it as a morale victory. Optimus prime - 1, Bozo - 0.
- Come home to find danny framed a picture joe drew of me on the back of a parkwest place mat. Confusion sets in.
- Go to world inferno and have two people call me "beast legend" Hell yeah!
- I start going up behind Jimmy and whisper wierd ass things to him in different voices
through out the show in a attempt to creep him out. I go up to him and whisper "Meet me in the mens room in 5 mins" only to have a random do0d turn around who was not jimmy.
do0d: WHAT!?
brett: Um Oh shit! No Not you you look like my friend Jimmy... I thought you were my friend jimmy.
(do0d stares at me with a stern face.)
Its at this point I realize that my story is one of extreme failure that most be told to the masses so they can avoid leading a life like mine so without further delay.
The Update
Tom: Tommy Breen here of John Doe comic "fame" and
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
(garabage is thrown at the stage.)
Tom: ...im here for a speacial ocassion. Yes ladies and gentleman Its time for the first annual jerkstore journal awards.
Crowd: WHOOOOO HOOOOO.
Tom: Insted of awards we could only afford a 30 pack of coors light so if you win you get a beer. This past year has been a wierd ride we cried, moaned, and pretended the read the text comtained in this abortion of humor but we shared a common bond..... that is we like reading about the misadventures of a short achoolic bum pervert. Well not really like but we all have been pressured into it by the same said person. Anyway the first presenter is a devote feminist and a sick bitch with a bizarre pirate fetish Joe.
Joe: Before I read this I would just like to say that I wont be growing my beard because I believe it to be sexist. But tonight Im here to present an award for "Most likely to sodmize a child at a bus station with a sharp stick". The Nominees are:
A) Alex Trouche
B) Alex Trouche
C) Mike Selleck
D) Alex Trouche.
Joe: And the winner is..... MIKE SELLECK. Come on an accept your silver bullet.
(Linkin park starts playing)
Mike: wow.. Who would have thought Id be getting an award tonight? Gosh I dont really have a speech ready for tonight but Id like to thank the following people Linkin park, Good charlette, Ace's vasoline company, Home depot for selling me ropes and most importantly my parents whose stric limitations on the car they purchased for me car has led me to live a life of extreme understanding of the poor down trodden masses. Im going to make a statement against the war on Iraq. This is a war for OIL and im against the killing of innocents for the rich buerocrats of the US. THIS IS A WAR FOR OIL, children are dying for Oil.
Mike: BLOOD FOR OIL!!! BLOOD FOR OIL. Well I hope that my message hit close to home for a few and if it doesnt my only hope is that it changes the views of one person tonight because that one person one day can make a difference. Goodnight. Im about to break.
(throws down microphone)
(gets in a huge SUV)
Mike: Hey it hauls ass but it guzzles gas like a bitch. Later.
(Drives off.)
Tom: Wow I can cut the agsnt with a knife. Anyway the Next present is true a pioneer in the sonofabitch industry and it is in my pleasure to introduce our friend Mr Quotes.
Quotes: Im here to present the female of the year and the nominees are.
Tiffney for her cliche janitor rapist jokes and attempts at humor.
"I knew I wasn't the only girl who thought you were creepy. And the fact that you're a janitor. Whoa. Before I just thought you were creepy. But now I know that you're a rapist. The janitor ALWAYS does it in the movies. At least when it happens at a college. You go home and cry when girls say no and when people don't want to give you rides, and then you go back to school and rape the girl who said no. Or the girl who looks like the girl who said no. Thank god I don't go to your school."
the second nomination is Sarah Plante for her hatred of trailor living:
oOScHaFeOo: you a stupid little bastard anyways
Rebel Elph: Sir... Theres no shame in living in a trailor.
oOScHaFeOo: I LIVE IN A MANSION I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOUR TALKING ABOUT MY HOUSE IS HUGE AS HELL.
And Last but not least is Nike Babe:
Rebel Elph: Hey baby
Nikebabe429: what do u want?
Rebel Elph: Theres a train
Rebel Elph: and its in my pants
Nikebabe429: goodbye
Quotes: The winner is.... TIFFANY. Unfortunetly Tiff couldnt be here tonight as she lives in Texas now but we do have a satalight feed.
Tiffany: Thank you for the awards with this beer can I can use it as a christmas tree deceration.
Quotes: How come your eye is black?
Tiffany:...i feel down the stairs.
male voice: Tiffany wheres my dinner?
Tiffany: I couldnt make it yet I won an award daddy.
(belt snapping is heard in the backround.)
male voice: Whos daddies little girl? Now get back into the broom closet for some special time.
Tiffany oh god help me call the poli
Tom: OHHHH (pulls plug) thats all the time we have for that award. Dont you hate it when the winners take so much time on there presentation. Our next presenter needs no introdcution MR BRYNE PATS DAD!!!!!!
Mr bryne: OHHHHHHH HELL YEAH!!!!! (Runs up and down the aisles high fiving people.)
(runs to one of the side of a the stage and hangs off a rafter.)
Mr bryne: 420!!!!!!
Crowd: YEAH!!!!!!!! (cheers wildly)
(Runs to the other rafter on the other side of the stage!!!)
Mr bryne: I SAID 420!!!!!!
Crowd: OWWWWWWWWWW!!!! (cheers wildly)
(runs to the center of the stage)
Mr bryne: GET UP! I SAID GET THE FUCK UP!!!!! 4 2 0!!!!
(crowd goes ape shit)
(Mr bryne ripes his shirt off and chugs a beer)
(pull out glasses and take papers out of a suit case)
Mr bryne: And the nominees for greatest reader post are...
Mr bryne: well there are no nominees because aparently it would take to much time to look up all the comments and evualate so Im gonna pull one out one and the winner is:
(Anonymous)
2003-02-06 12:37 (link) Select
Sure it wasnt taylors car with the frog on it?
MAIDEN RULES!
Stranks
Stranks: Well I dont know what to say expect DOUCHE IT HARD AND DOUCHE IT FAST!!! WOOOOOO WHOOOOOO!!!
(crowd is speechless)
Tom: Hey doenst stranks look like jack black? He does... No shit. Anyway the next award is going to be co announced by Al the angry accountant and Jim the red headed swallow. Come on up gentlemen.
Jim: hey Al whats red white and black all over?
Al: I dont know but dont you hate scripted corny mtv bullshit telepromter introdcutions.
Jim: A news paper...
(tumble weed)
Al: The nominees for the best story are:
Bread money show one:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jerkstore/2002/10/05/
Real American
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jerkstore/2002/10/08/
Dmb rant:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jerkstore/2002/10/14/
Bread$Money show 2
http://www.livejournal.com/users/jerkstore/2002/11/03/
Jim: And the winner is Bread money show 2 come on up Brett.
Brett: Hey while im up here I might as well present the next award for honarary Ninja Masta white jesus Beast legend.
The nominees are:
Joe pirate for bleeching his hair in order to look like Race cannon of Johnny Quest fame.
Tom Breen for his freakshow abilities.
Quotes for his cynical nature.
Alex Trouche for inspiring the journal.
Brett: And the winner is...wait Im having a little problems getting this out of the envolope (rips it to shreds) THE WINNER IS ME!!!!!! OWWWWWWW YEAH!!!!
Crowd: Booooo
Tom: YOU CANT DO THAT!!!!!
Brett: yes I can I wrote this whole fucking thing.
Tom: You suck!
Crowd: (chanting) YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!!!!!
Brett: Say hello to Optimus Prime (pulls down pants and exposes penis)
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOO (garbage is thrown)
Brett: Rock and Roll loves ya baby!!!!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Well thats the update, and if you read it all the way down here that makes one of you.
Good night my friends!