Either Change or Decide Otherwise
I didn't actually think something so unexpected would hit me at least twice in a day.
You can actually skip all this if you really want to know the focal point in this post.
My day started off at 4:30 in the morning. My alarm went off and I really didn't feel like waking up. It's that dancing and staying up until 2 in the morning. You know. I think I need to change my sleeping habits into something healthier. At least around 10 PM or something. I was scheduled to work at the gas station at 5:45 in the morning. Well, little did I know, I turned the alarm off completely and drifted back into a sleep. I don't exactly know how long it took me, but my dreams stated off pretty weird.
The dreams themselves aren't the main topic here. As I finally listen to something in my head to wake up, it reads on the clock 5:55. My senses start to kick in and I'm wide awake. But luckily, I planned this trick ahead (about three months ago) and set my clock to 10 minutes ahead of time. So in fact, it was actually 5:45. Either way, I was late.
No I have to give it to H-E-B for this. Their policy is that we can be late if it is within a 15 minute period. I didn't even think twice about anything. I just got out of bed, slapped my work clothes on and rushed out the door. I think I did run two stop signs, but it's freaking 6 in the morning. Who's really there to watch for that? Not in El Campo.
I got to work and and open up the gas station. It's pretty boring and I killed the battery on the PSP from my boredom that early. I'm serious! No one comes in that early to pay with cash. It's all debit/credit cards. So I don't have to deal with those. And I couldn't get past Damocles puzzle! I can't even open the gate again to get out! All those stupid swords keep attacking me. It's horrible. That's how the battery fried.
After listening to "Bones" by the Killers, I headed off once Charlotte came into for the mid-shift at 11. So once that was done, I was out of there. I grabbed some food and headed towards to beverage isle (the very last one). I've been having a craving for a Dr. Pepper. I haven't had one in a shit loads time. I also like to collect glass bottles. I have a small collection, but it varies. As I grabbed the glass bottled Dr. Peppers, I saw a different set of Dr. Pepper's in different glass bottles that I don't have. I already have a collection of the $4 ones. And these others cost $3. So I stood there thinking if I should stick with the regular ones I love to get or the different bottles I don't have to my collection. This lady (a nurse) saw me trying to decide and said to me, "You like getting the expensive coke, huh?"
It kind of took me off guard because I hardly have money and I need to start saving it instead of just spending or blowing it on something ridiculous. I told her that it didn't matter to me which kind of soda I got. All that mattered was that I got what I wanted. Money wasn't a problem.
"Oh, you're rich, huh? Yeah. When you got the money, it's not a problem."
"I'm not rich. [Laughs a bit] It's just I'd rather much get something I'd enjoy other than getting something and regretting that I got that instead", I told her. "So I'm not rich."
"Oh, but they have Dr. Pepper down here for only $2. And you get more from there than you do with that little six pack."
She had a point. I need to save money. I need to enjoy what I can get. I need fucking Dr. Pepper! I went with the 12 Fridge Pack for $2.
It was a bargain.
I went to school and after band, went to the ad visor to see if I can sort this conflict that I was having with my schedule for next semester.
Here's a main point to my problem.
I need to see how I would still be able to take both Jazz and Concert band and find an Human Anatomy/Physiology 2 that wouldn't have a time conflict. I couldn't. It came down to just having to give up band this next semester.
That's not something I'm use to. Not being in a band. I've been in a band class since I was in 6th grade. That's 8 years ago. For the past 8 years, I've been part of a band that I can play with and enjoy the company and actually share a close connection. I think this year I've actually made a great connection with the two main trumpets other than myself, Tony and Kristine. They are two amazing players (sorry, I'm rambling in between here, just bare with me.) that enjoy this as much as I do. And not being able to play with them next semester seems...odd. Not playing with a band is going to different. It's like letting go of a child for the first day of school. All the friends I've truly made in college are or were either in band. I mean, I can still see them and if needed be I could play at the concerts still granted that Mr. Waldrop would let me. And I know he will.
Okay, stop reading from here if you don't feel like reading much and go down below.
After getting that news, I told Senae what I had to do this next semester. She's having to suffer through the same thing. She just didn't tell anyone. So it was great to know that I could tell exactly what I felt and know the other person is feeling the same as well. I mean, Senae has been first chair ever since we were in 6th grade. 8 years of being the best clarinet player in this area and then not advancing in it. I told her maybe she could try for a music major, but what she really wants to do is be a psychology major. I've learned that I've changed my majors a bit. I'm still on the record a Physical Therapist Assistant major, but I'm probably planning on moving to Denton to attend the University of North Texas (my plans to go to England bombed) in Fall '08 as a psychology major. If not a physical therapist major. Either or, I just want to get out of this town. Far from home, but yet I'm scared. I guess you have to do it sometime.
I dropped her off at her house and went back to work at Cardell. I stayed there really just goofing off as usual and wait there until 5 PM. I went back home and told my mom that I wouldn't be taking band next semester.
Another main point if you want to read.
She says to me that I have to do what I have to do. She also tells me that my sister who lives in Denton right now broke up with her boyfriend, Matt. I knew this about a week ago. She told me the day it happened because I happen to see on hid screen name on MySpace changed to "Moving to ATX". I asked her why he was moving to Austin and she told me. It was a bit of shock and "Oh well" mixed in there.
Not only that, but she told me my sister is having trouble finding a roommate to split the rent with. I do really feel bad for her. My mother asked if I was planning on moving to UNT and when. I told her in Fall '08. And she asked if it was too late to go in at Spring '08.
Obviously it's a little late to transfer now, but I can still (hopefully) make it by Fall '08. Hopefully. I told her the only way I could be there for Denise would be if I were to take a semester off and work in Denton and live with Denise until Fall '08. That seemed like an okay idea, but only for last resort.
Nevermind, just keep reading from there now...
Now, the more I think about it. I'm starting to lean more towards having to leave and take a semester off. I really don't like the idea much, but my sister is going through some tough times right now. Honestly, I'd rather much have her finish her career and get her degree before I can. She's the only one that is succeeding more than me or my other sister. Cristy is doing great as well. To me, they both as fantastic and doing what they want to do.
I have no idea what I want to be or what I want to do.
It's what you do who defines who you are.
But it's also who you are that defines what you do.
In all truth, it's not who you are or what you do...but how you do it.
I need to start taking charge of my life. And the way I do stuff is going to effect who I am and what I will end up doing.
So now I have the decision to stay here another semester and transfer to UNT in Fall '08
-or-
Leave everything here and start fresh for a New Year in '08.
I don't think I've ever been depressed this fast before in my life.
I'm at a lost of what to do.
Sandra, I think you can somewhat help me a bit.
But I don't want people telling me what to do. I need to stop that. I just need someone really to just promise me everything is going to be okay.
I don't know...
I just need to crawl in my room and go to bed...
You can actually skip all this if you really want to know the focal point in this post.
My day started off at 4:30 in the morning. My alarm went off and I really didn't feel like waking up. It's that dancing and staying up until 2 in the morning. You know. I think I need to change my sleeping habits into something healthier. At least around 10 PM or something. I was scheduled to work at the gas station at 5:45 in the morning. Well, little did I know, I turned the alarm off completely and drifted back into a sleep. I don't exactly know how long it took me, but my dreams stated off pretty weird.
The dreams themselves aren't the main topic here. As I finally listen to something in my head to wake up, it reads on the clock 5:55. My senses start to kick in and I'm wide awake. But luckily, I planned this trick ahead (about three months ago) and set my clock to 10 minutes ahead of time. So in fact, it was actually 5:45. Either way, I was late.
No I have to give it to H-E-B for this. Their policy is that we can be late if it is within a 15 minute period. I didn't even think twice about anything. I just got out of bed, slapped my work clothes on and rushed out the door. I think I did run two stop signs, but it's freaking 6 in the morning. Who's really there to watch for that? Not in El Campo.
I got to work and and open up the gas station. It's pretty boring and I killed the battery on the PSP from my boredom that early. I'm serious! No one comes in that early to pay with cash. It's all debit/credit cards. So I don't have to deal with those. And I couldn't get past Damocles puzzle! I can't even open the gate again to get out! All those stupid swords keep attacking me. It's horrible. That's how the battery fried.
After listening to "Bones" by the Killers, I headed off once Charlotte came into for the mid-shift at 11. So once that was done, I was out of there. I grabbed some food and headed towards to beverage isle (the very last one). I've been having a craving for a Dr. Pepper. I haven't had one in a shit loads time. I also like to collect glass bottles. I have a small collection, but it varies. As I grabbed the glass bottled Dr. Peppers, I saw a different set of Dr. Pepper's in different glass bottles that I don't have. I already have a collection of the $4 ones. And these others cost $3. So I stood there thinking if I should stick with the regular ones I love to get or the different bottles I don't have to my collection. This lady (a nurse) saw me trying to decide and said to me, "You like getting the expensive coke, huh?"
It kind of took me off guard because I hardly have money and I need to start saving it instead of just spending or blowing it on something ridiculous. I told her that it didn't matter to me which kind of soda I got. All that mattered was that I got what I wanted. Money wasn't a problem.
"Oh, you're rich, huh? Yeah. When you got the money, it's not a problem."
"I'm not rich. [Laughs a bit] It's just I'd rather much get something I'd enjoy other than getting something and regretting that I got that instead", I told her. "So I'm not rich."
"Oh, but they have Dr. Pepper down here for only $2. And you get more from there than you do with that little six pack."
She had a point. I need to save money. I need to enjoy what I can get. I need fucking Dr. Pepper! I went with the 12 Fridge Pack for $2.
It was a bargain.
I went to school and after band, went to the ad visor to see if I can sort this conflict that I was having with my schedule for next semester.
Here's a main point to my problem.
I need to see how I would still be able to take both Jazz and Concert band and find an Human Anatomy/Physiology 2 that wouldn't have a time conflict. I couldn't. It came down to just having to give up band this next semester.
That's not something I'm use to. Not being in a band. I've been in a band class since I was in 6th grade. That's 8 years ago. For the past 8 years, I've been part of a band that I can play with and enjoy the company and actually share a close connection. I think this year I've actually made a great connection with the two main trumpets other than myself, Tony and Kristine. They are two amazing players (sorry, I'm rambling in between here, just bare with me.) that enjoy this as much as I do. And not being able to play with them next semester seems...odd. Not playing with a band is going to different. It's like letting go of a child for the first day of school. All the friends I've truly made in college are or were either in band. I mean, I can still see them and if needed be I could play at the concerts still granted that Mr. Waldrop would let me. And I know he will.
Okay, stop reading from here if you don't feel like reading much and go down below.
After getting that news, I told Senae what I had to do this next semester. She's having to suffer through the same thing. She just didn't tell anyone. So it was great to know that I could tell exactly what I felt and know the other person is feeling the same as well. I mean, Senae has been first chair ever since we were in 6th grade. 8 years of being the best clarinet player in this area and then not advancing in it. I told her maybe she could try for a music major, but what she really wants to do is be a psychology major. I've learned that I've changed my majors a bit. I'm still on the record a Physical Therapist Assistant major, but I'm probably planning on moving to Denton to attend the University of North Texas (my plans to go to England bombed) in Fall '08 as a psychology major. If not a physical therapist major. Either or, I just want to get out of this town. Far from home, but yet I'm scared. I guess you have to do it sometime.
I dropped her off at her house and went back to work at Cardell. I stayed there really just goofing off as usual and wait there until 5 PM. I went back home and told my mom that I wouldn't be taking band next semester.
Another main point if you want to read.
She says to me that I have to do what I have to do. She also tells me that my sister who lives in Denton right now broke up with her boyfriend, Matt. I knew this about a week ago. She told me the day it happened because I happen to see on hid screen name on MySpace changed to "Moving to ATX". I asked her why he was moving to Austin and she told me. It was a bit of shock and "Oh well" mixed in there.
Not only that, but she told me my sister is having trouble finding a roommate to split the rent with. I do really feel bad for her. My mother asked if I was planning on moving to UNT and when. I told her in Fall '08. And she asked if it was too late to go in at Spring '08.
Obviously it's a little late to transfer now, but I can still (hopefully) make it by Fall '08. Hopefully. I told her the only way I could be there for Denise would be if I were to take a semester off and work in Denton and live with Denise until Fall '08. That seemed like an okay idea, but only for last resort.
Nevermind, just keep reading from there now...
Now, the more I think about it. I'm starting to lean more towards having to leave and take a semester off. I really don't like the idea much, but my sister is going through some tough times right now. Honestly, I'd rather much have her finish her career and get her degree before I can. She's the only one that is succeeding more than me or my other sister. Cristy is doing great as well. To me, they both as fantastic and doing what they want to do.
I have no idea what I want to be or what I want to do.
It's what you do who defines who you are.
But it's also who you are that defines what you do.
In all truth, it's not who you are or what you do...but how you do it.
I need to start taking charge of my life. And the way I do stuff is going to effect who I am and what I will end up doing.
So now I have the decision to stay here another semester and transfer to UNT in Fall '08
-or-
Leave everything here and start fresh for a New Year in '08.
I don't think I've ever been depressed this fast before in my life.
I'm at a lost of what to do.
Sandra, I think you can somewhat help me a bit.
But I don't want people telling me what to do. I need to stop that. I just need someone really to just promise me everything is going to be okay.
I don't know...
I just need to crawl in my room and go to bed...