Fic: The Swearing Jar (Avengers Ciniverse. PG-13 for mild language)
Just because Steve could dead lift motorcycles, it didn't mean he was immune to burning his fingers when he got his sandwich from the grill cheese press. When he let a brief, "Damn!" he found his right hand automatically reaching into his trouser pocket for the quarter that wasn't there.
"You okay?" Tony pulled his head out of the stove, where he'd been fixing, correction, upgrading it again, which was why Steve had resorted to the press instead pan frying his sandwich like he usually cooked them.
"I didn't have a quarter on me," Steve replied, putting his fingers under a stream of cold water by the sink.
"I'm the one who does the non-sequiturs around here," Tony pointed out. "What's a quarter got to do with burning your fingers?"
"Sorry. When I was with the Howling Commandos…" About six months ago, at least by his internal timeline, not seventy years going by history. "…we had an agreement. Since we got a lot press just by me being in the unit, we agreed that when we weren't out on a mission we'd try to watch our language. Anyone who swore out loud had to put a quarter in the Swear Jar. When it got full we'd donate it to a war relief charity." He smiled briefly in bittersweet memory. "After we lost Bucky they actually had a contest to see how fast they could fill up the jar. Got pretty blue in there for a bit. When they'd finished we'd filled three mason jars worth to give to his parents."
"Nice." Tony rubbed his goatee thoughtfully. "We're a pretty public group too."
He shrugged. "Yeah, but given what I've seen in the theaters nobody cares what comes out of people's mouths anymore."
"Sometimes they do. And we've got Captain America with us." Tony stuck his head back in the oven and Steve left him to go eat his sandwich.
* * *
Later that evening, Steve watched from the sidelines with the rest of the team as Clint and Natasha went after each other in the practice ring with frightening ferocity. Natasha fell onto her back as Clint sweep kicked her behind her knees, and she followed by ground kick to his solar plexus that sent him flying out of the ring. He landed with a thud and a loud cry of, "Shit!"
There was a loud DING! and JARVIS stated, Clint Barton, you've been fined one dollar for violating the Avengers language code.
"JARVIS, what the hell are you talking about?" he demanded.
You have been fined one dollar for violating the Avengers language code. JARVIS continued, Mr. Stark programmed me to begin monitoring the team's language, to encourage a more positive image during public operations. At the end of each month the total will be subtracted from the team's operating budget and donated to the NYC Restoration Fund. Please bear in mind that all expenses have to eventually be justified to the Congressional Budget Office.
Thor let out a loud laugh. "Odin's Beard! That will make us watch our speech!"
DING! Thor Odinson, you've been fined one dollar for violating the Avengers language code.
"That wasn't swearing, that was an oath, you bodiless spirit."
I believe that is engaging in semantics, sir.
"And I believe I have a hammer that can draw lightning to your processing core."
Duly noted. One dollar has been restored from the fund.
"Cheater," Clint muttered.
"You okay?" Tony pulled his head out of the stove, where he'd been fixing, correction, upgrading it again, which was why Steve had resorted to the press instead pan frying his sandwich like he usually cooked them.
"I didn't have a quarter on me," Steve replied, putting his fingers under a stream of cold water by the sink.
"I'm the one who does the non-sequiturs around here," Tony pointed out. "What's a quarter got to do with burning your fingers?"
"Sorry. When I was with the Howling Commandos…" About six months ago, at least by his internal timeline, not seventy years going by history. "…we had an agreement. Since we got a lot press just by me being in the unit, we agreed that when we weren't out on a mission we'd try to watch our language. Anyone who swore out loud had to put a quarter in the Swear Jar. When it got full we'd donate it to a war relief charity." He smiled briefly in bittersweet memory. "After we lost Bucky they actually had a contest to see how fast they could fill up the jar. Got pretty blue in there for a bit. When they'd finished we'd filled three mason jars worth to give to his parents."
"Nice." Tony rubbed his goatee thoughtfully. "We're a pretty public group too."
He shrugged. "Yeah, but given what I've seen in the theaters nobody cares what comes out of people's mouths anymore."
"Sometimes they do. And we've got Captain America with us." Tony stuck his head back in the oven and Steve left him to go eat his sandwich.
* * *
Later that evening, Steve watched from the sidelines with the rest of the team as Clint and Natasha went after each other in the practice ring with frightening ferocity. Natasha fell onto her back as Clint sweep kicked her behind her knees, and she followed by ground kick to his solar plexus that sent him flying out of the ring. He landed with a thud and a loud cry of, "Shit!"
There was a loud DING! and JARVIS stated, Clint Barton, you've been fined one dollar for violating the Avengers language code.
"JARVIS, what the hell are you talking about?" he demanded.
You have been fined one dollar for violating the Avengers language code. JARVIS continued, Mr. Stark programmed me to begin monitoring the team's language, to encourage a more positive image during public operations. At the end of each month the total will be subtracted from the team's operating budget and donated to the NYC Restoration Fund. Please bear in mind that all expenses have to eventually be justified to the Congressional Budget Office.
Thor let out a loud laugh. "Odin's Beard! That will make us watch our speech!"
DING! Thor Odinson, you've been fined one dollar for violating the Avengers language code.
"That wasn't swearing, that was an oath, you bodiless spirit."
I believe that is engaging in semantics, sir.
"And I believe I have a hammer that can draw lightning to your processing core."
Duly noted. One dollar has been restored from the fund.
"Cheater," Clint muttered.