Fic: As You Know, Bob (and Ike, and Art)
Absolutely not inspired by any Memetic Prophylactic Links recently provided by james_nicoll
Scene: Ike's apartment in NYC, circa 1950. Ike is sitting on a couch with his friends Bob and Art. Across from them is our Friendly Neighborhood Time-Traveller from 2012. Scattered across the coffee table between them at the TT's cell phone, Kindle, and the contents of his wallet.
TT: So, are you convinced I'm from the future yet?
Ike: You had me at the funny hologram on your driver's license.
Bob (holding up a dollar bill to the light): You're sure this isn't Monopoly money? Dollars are supposed to be green.
Art (clicking around the Kindle): So this is a book reader. So much for microfilm spools! (keeps clicking) So you're a writer too, I see?
TT: Er, yeah, self-publishing is getting to be a really…
Art: Captive of the Red Vixen? Honestly?
TT: ..popular. Look, never mind.
Ike: If you are from the future, you probably know some things about us we normally wouldn't tell, right?
Art: I'm sure he does. Let's not worry about that.
TT: Art, trust me, no one sane cares about your little "social difficulty" these days.
Ike: What social difficulty?
Bob (raising an eyebrow): Seriously?
Art: We really don't need to discuss…
TT: Britain's sodomy laws are gone, so are America's in most regions (except Arizona probably) and seven states, the District of Columbia, Britain and a few other countries have legalized same sex marriage.
Ike: Why would Art care about that?
Bob (facepalm): Ike, he lives with a "roommate" in Sri Lanka and there are no girls in any of his stories, okay?
Ike (clue light clicks on): Oh.
Art (hopefully): Do I live to see that?
TT: I'm sorry.
Art: Ah… Well. It's nice to know it'll happen at least. Moving on. Space travel?
TT: Very boring and dangerous.
Bob: How long did it take us to get to Mars?
TT (coughs): Oh, the Viking lander made it in '76.
Bob: How people were aboard?
TT: Er, no one. It was a remote probe.
Ike: Well how people have been there since then?
TT: Um, no one has. We've just been landing probes. Actually getting people there is a lot harder than anyone figured.
Art: Good God, you're serious aren't you?
Bob: Fine, how about the Moon? How big of a base do we have there?
TT: Well... We have landed there. I mean with astronauts.
Ike: Astrowhats? Oh, "star travellers", that's clever. Wait, does that mean we've got hyperdrives?
Bob: He just said we didn't even make it to Mars yet, Ike. So we're still building the base, right?
TT: There's no base. I mean NASA, the US space agency rather, has plans of course...
Art: How long have we been landing there? I suppose they're still scouting about?
TT: We landed in '69. About forty years ago from my perspective.
Bob (suspicious): How many men have landed there?
TT: Er... twelve.
Art (crestfallen): And how long has it been since we went there?
TT: We haven't been back since '72.
Bob: Well what have the Soviets been doing?
TT: Mostly losing remote probes on Mars and Venus, and launching Soyuz capsules. Oh, and they aren't the Soviet Union any more.
Bob: Well that's a relief. How bad was the war?
TT: Oh, we never went to war with them. They just went to pieces on their own when their economy went belly up. Most of the old Warsaw Pact countries are in the European Union now.
Bob: "European Union", now that sounds Socialist all by itself.
Ike: And what are your politics this month, Bob?
Bob (clears throat noisily): This isn't about me. Do we at least have a space station?
TT: Yeah. Counting the solar panels it's the size of a couple of football fields.
Art: How many men can it hold?
TT: Six.
Ike: Six dozen or six hundred?
TT: No, six.
Bob (facepalm): I'm not... going... to ask.
Ike: What about atomic power? That must have advanced quite a bit in the past few decades?
TT: Er...
Bob: Don't tell me they banned it or something.
TT: Well, no. But after Three Mile Island, Fukishima and Chernobyl, it's not exactly popular.
Art: Is there anything we can look forward to?
TT: All three of you live long enough and are popular enough that you can write whatever you want without an editor looking over your shoulder.
All three men brighten up immediately.
Bob: When you say "anything..."
TT: Sigh. Even that.
Bob: Now that's a future to look forward to!
Scene: Ike's apartment in NYC, circa 1950. Ike is sitting on a couch with his friends Bob and Art. Across from them is our Friendly Neighborhood Time-Traveller from 2012. Scattered across the coffee table between them at the TT's cell phone, Kindle, and the contents of his wallet.
TT: So, are you convinced I'm from the future yet?
Ike: You had me at the funny hologram on your driver's license.
Bob (holding up a dollar bill to the light): You're sure this isn't Monopoly money? Dollars are supposed to be green.
Art (clicking around the Kindle): So this is a book reader. So much for microfilm spools! (keeps clicking) So you're a writer too, I see?
TT: Er, yeah, self-publishing is getting to be a really…
Art: Captive of the Red Vixen? Honestly?
TT: ..popular. Look, never mind.
Ike: If you are from the future, you probably know some things about us we normally wouldn't tell, right?
Art: I'm sure he does. Let's not worry about that.
TT: Art, trust me, no one sane cares about your little "social difficulty" these days.
Ike: What social difficulty?
Bob (raising an eyebrow): Seriously?
Art: We really don't need to discuss…
TT: Britain's sodomy laws are gone, so are America's in most regions (except Arizona probably) and seven states, the District of Columbia, Britain and a few other countries have legalized same sex marriage.
Ike: Why would Art care about that?
Bob (facepalm): Ike, he lives with a "roommate" in Sri Lanka and there are no girls in any of his stories, okay?
Ike (clue light clicks on): Oh.
Art (hopefully): Do I live to see that?
TT: I'm sorry.
Art: Ah… Well. It's nice to know it'll happen at least. Moving on. Space travel?
TT: Very boring and dangerous.
Bob: How long did it take us to get to Mars?
TT (coughs): Oh, the Viking lander made it in '76.
Bob: How people were aboard?
TT: Er, no one. It was a remote probe.
Ike: Well how people have been there since then?
TT: Um, no one has. We've just been landing probes. Actually getting people there is a lot harder than anyone figured.
Art: Good God, you're serious aren't you?
Bob: Fine, how about the Moon? How big of a base do we have there?
TT: Well... We have landed there. I mean with astronauts.
Ike: Astrowhats? Oh, "star travellers", that's clever. Wait, does that mean we've got hyperdrives?
Bob: He just said we didn't even make it to Mars yet, Ike. So we're still building the base, right?
TT: There's no base. I mean NASA, the US space agency rather, has plans of course...
Art: How long have we been landing there? I suppose they're still scouting about?
TT: We landed in '69. About forty years ago from my perspective.
Bob (suspicious): How many men have landed there?
TT: Er... twelve.
Art (crestfallen): And how long has it been since we went there?
TT: We haven't been back since '72.
Bob: Well what have the Soviets been doing?
TT: Mostly losing remote probes on Mars and Venus, and launching Soyuz capsules. Oh, and they aren't the Soviet Union any more.
Bob: Well that's a relief. How bad was the war?
TT: Oh, we never went to war with them. They just went to pieces on their own when their economy went belly up. Most of the old Warsaw Pact countries are in the European Union now.
Bob: "European Union", now that sounds Socialist all by itself.
Ike: And what are your politics this month, Bob?
Bob (clears throat noisily): This isn't about me. Do we at least have a space station?
TT: Yeah. Counting the solar panels it's the size of a couple of football fields.
Art: How many men can it hold?
TT: Six.
Ike: Six dozen or six hundred?
TT: No, six.
Bob (facepalm): I'm not... going... to ask.
Ike: What about atomic power? That must have advanced quite a bit in the past few decades?
TT: Er...
Bob: Don't tell me they banned it or something.
TT: Well, no. But after Three Mile Island, Fukishima and Chernobyl, it's not exactly popular.
Art: Is there anything we can look forward to?
TT: All three of you live long enough and are popular enough that you can write whatever you want without an editor looking over your shoulder.
All three men brighten up immediately.
Bob: When you say "anything..."
TT: Sigh. Even that.
Bob: Now that's a future to look forward to!